


Bubbly

by katvara



Series: Digimon V! [5]
Category: Digimon - All Media Types
Genre: Assault, Birthday Party, Bullying, Cemetery, Coming Out, Depression, Disowned, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Mild Blood, Minor Character Death, One-Sided Relationship, Permanent Injury, Post-Series, Pre-Epilogue, Pregnancy, Secret Crush, Surrogacy, Time Skips, Wakes & Funerals, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 06:32:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 59,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11800407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katvara/pseuds/katvara
Summary: Izzy wasn't sure when he'd started feeling this way. Hell, he wasn't sure when he'd started feeling at all.





	1. Chapter 1

_I've been awake for a while now_

_You've got me feelin' like a child now_

_'Cause every time I see your bubbly face_

_I get the tingles in a silly place_

* * *

August 1999:

Izzy wasn't sure when he'd started feeling this way. Hell, he wasn't sure when he'd started _feeling_ at all.

For as long as he could remember, he'd always tried to be the perfect son. He was always calm and polite, never doing anything that could bring even the barest hint of shame on the Izumi name. Not loud, or rambunctious, and never one to cause discord. After all, he'd been _chosen_ by his parents to be brought into their lives, he wasn't going to do anything to make them regret that decision. Any heights or lulls of emotion were quickly squashed under thought of how it would reflect on the two that had no obligation towards him. If anything, he owed it to them to remain stable and perfect.

So he'd been so very confused when they'd sent him to summer camp for a week. He hadn't known then that his parents were worried about him, that his mother was hoping that, for once in his life, he would act _normal_ instead of perfect. But he accepted it with the same grace and dignity that he did all things and tried his best to stay out of the way. He would show the other campers just how good he was and he would come home in that same level state he'd left in.

Until those strange metal devices had fallen from the sky, however, and he'd been whisked away with six other children to an awesome world where he'd been forced to confront everything he'd ever held dear.

Especially his fastidious hold on his emotions.

It was in those long digital months, he supposed, that he'd allowed himself to smile more. To show his joy, his sorrow, his fear, and even his excitement. And to his surprise, the other Chosen Children hadn't cast him aside. He'd let his perfection slip, and they had embraced his true self, perhaps more so than the carefully crafted shell he'd encased himself in. And the more he showed them, the more he found out about himself.

That he actually _enjoyed_ being around the others. That walking around in the fresh air, despite the constant dangers, was much more preferable to sitting in the dark of his room.

But it wasn't until the very end of their journey that he'd discovered the biggest secret he didn't even know he'd had.

The group of eight Children had been set down on the shoreline of Dragon Eye Lake. The water lapped gently at the beach and the further they looked, the more they could see coming into focus. At first it was just distant fog, but slowly, surely, the barest outlines of the furthest continents could be seen taking shape. Izzy was sitting in the grass, sunshine warming him from the nothingness they had just descended from. He could still hear Apocalymon's sobs, reverberating long after his death in the depths of his mind, and there was a brief moment where he thought he would fall into his own despair, that he would never be able to emerge from the absolute darkness overtaking his soul.

Then Tentomon leaned against him, looking up with large lime-green eyes, and any doubts he had about himself vanished with a wave of love and reassurance. He smiled and closed his eyes, just barely leaning against the bug as he listened to Mimi chattering breathlessly to Palmon about anything and everything, as though she couldn't get the words out fast enough. It was relaxing, to finally know that the Digital World was safe and sound, and that any threat that might have came up now would be a piece of cake.

Which is what Joe must have been thinking when he stood suddenly, holding Gomamon who was dripping all down his front, fresh from the lake.

"Hey, guys," he started, sounding so nervous for such a peaceful moment in time. Izzy cracked open one eye, wondering what could be so terrifyingly important now. "We've been through so much together, and I think it's time I told you all something..."

"What is it, Joe?" Tai asked, flopping back in the grass. "You gonna tell us it's really _you_ who was behind all this evil crap and now we have to kick your ass?"

The group laughed, an easygoing noise that floated easily on the breeze, and even Joe chuckled.

"No, I, uh..." he swallowed hard. "I wanted to tell you that I, I'm... gay."

There was a brief pause before Mimi asked, "Is that all, or is there more?"

"What?" Joe looked up and Gomamon wriggled out of his grasp, landing easily on the grass. "What do you mean?!"

"You can't expect us to be shocked," Mimi said with a warm smile. "I mean, _really_ , Joe?"

Joe pouted. "I thought I hid it well..."

Gomamon just laughed. "I kept telling you, they aren't going to care." He sidled up to Tentomon, asking, "What is 'gay' anyway?"

Tentomon shrugged and looked to Izzy. He wasn't too knowledgeable about human terms.

"It means," Izzy explained, "that he feels a physical, emotional, and sexual attraction to those of his same gender." The Digimon continued to look at him. They still didn't understand what gender was. "He's a boy who likes other boys."

"Mimi likes boys," Palmon spoke up. "Does that make her 'gay'?"

"No," Sora said, "because Mimi's a girl. That makes her straight, like the rest of us."

The other Digimon were still confused, trying to sort out what things like "genders" and "sexuals" were, while Sora's words rang in Izzy's mind.

" _Like the rest of us."_

Was that right? Even as the streetcar passed through the gate, and he waved what he thought was his final goodbye to Tentomon, her words continued to echo. The other children sat in silence as they passed through the same swirling vortex that had dragged them to the Digital World in the first place, each lost in their own tearful memories, and all Izzy could think of was the other Children. How did he truly feel about each and every one of them? It had been so long since he'd sealed himself away from his own emotions, it was getting hard to place what they actually were.

As the streetcar set them down in the rubble of what used to be the Fuji TV station, he came to a realization.

They were his friends. They would be there for each other, no matter what. And that was perfectly ok.

* * *

March 2000:

Izzy was still shaking, his stomach still churning. Even in the Digital World, he'd never felt this terrified.

He'd almost died. Everyone in Odaiba had almost died! If it hadn't been for Tai and Matt, Japan would have suffered another catastrophic bomb explosion.

His mother hadn't said anything when he'd come home, collapsing in his bed without a word. Kae knew he was exhausted from running back and forth from his complex to Tai's, and wanted him to get enough rest. It had been nine months since he'd come back from the Digital World, after all, and he wasn't walking tens of miles a day anymore. It wasn't until she turned on the television, frantic news reporters screaming at her about the missile now sitting next to the Rainbow Bridge that she realized just how lucky she was to have such a wonderful son. She considered going to his room, waking him and telling him how proud she was of him, but she knew that he would only get embarrassed. She would make him a special meal tonight, then.

But Izzy wasn't sleeping. Even with the vision of the Peacekeeper at the forefront of his mind, even with exhaustion tugging at his heavy lungs, even with his body demanding to shut down and _rest_ , he could only think of his friends.

He'd been the first to find Diaboromon's egg, and Tai had been the first person to come to mind. But why was that?

Obviously, because he was the closest. Because he had been their leader once. Because he practically memorized all those dumb action movies that had this same plot.

Or maybe it was because Tai was the only one he'd actively kept in contact with. The one he called once a week, the one he made sure to find in the hallways of their elementary school every day, the one he continued to show up at soccer club for.

But they were all friends. They were all equally important to him, weren't they?

He couldn't recall thinking of Kari, or Matt, or even Mimi this much, and the pink-clad girl was in his class!

So he lay on his back on his bed, willing his beating heart to slow, his stomach to stop rolling, his hands to stop shaking. He was safe, Japan was safe, so he shouldn't be so scared anymore. Matt and Tai had saved them. _Tai_ had saved _him_.

Tai...

Izzy put a hand over his chest, slowly realizing something. It wasn't Peacekeeper that was making him quiver inside. Not the exhilaration of saving two worlds again that brought the flush to his face. Not the mile and a half he'd run in less than a half hour that made his knees weak.

It was the thought of that warm-eyed brunette, collapsing next to him on the couch, laughing in the face of death. It was the relaxed way he'd hugged Izzy, shouting his thanks over something his mother couldn't possibly understand. It was the way the other Children had called back, wondering what was so damn important, and having Tai laugh at them, saying, "Me and my bud, Iz, got it."

Bud. Buddy. Friend.

The more Izzy realized that the emotions he'd buried ran deeper than he'd known, the more he realized that Tai had always shown who exactly he was. And who he was did not feel for Izzy the same way the redhead was finding out.

He felt wetness begin to gather at the corners of his eyes. How was this possible? He'd only just allowed himself to be open to others and now, what, he was supposed to let himself be hurt? To let himself pine away like one of Mimi's chick flicks where true love and justice always won?

" _Like the rest of us."_

It was obvious to him, now, why he acted like he did in the Digital World. He'd remained by Tai's side through everything, even when their group had split up. He had thought it had been a sense of comradely, a knowledge that if they were separated they were weak but together they were strong. But now he could remember the same flutter of his heart, the same sweatyness of his palms, that he had now. The unreasonable fear that Tai would cast him aside for one of the physically stronger Children.

But the brunette had been overjoyed when he'd stayed. Had appreciated every last iota of help he'd offered. And for a moment, Izzy could pretend that Tai felt the same way then that he did now. That he had just been able to admit it in front of everyone, the same way Joe had seemed so scared on that lakeshore.

Izzy shook his head before that thought could weasel it's way into reality. If Tai felt that way about any in their group, it was Sora. He'd always chased her first, worried about her the most. It was why he'd bought her the barrette that had caused such a fight. He thought about her more than anyone else, that much was plainly obvious.

That was why Sora had made such a comment. She knew how Tai felt, but she couldn't, or wouldn't, feel the same way.

So what was he to do now? Should he find Tai's number, call him, tell him how he felt? He didn't seem to care when Joe had come out, would he care about Izzy being gay?

Or had he been ok with it because Joe had _only_ come out? Because he hadn't pointed out the now-obvious object of his affections? Would Tai be just as relaxed and easy going around Izzy then if he knew the small redhead was now in love with him? Or would he act the same way as Sora had, pushing him away further and further until they were merely acquaintances, persons who knew _of_ each other but didn't truly _know_ each other?

He wasn't ready to lose the friendship he'd just built with the brunette, not over something so precarious as _emotions_. For all he knew, this was just like Mimi, who would sigh longingly after a boy one day and then another the next. Surely what he felt would pass, and he would find himself embarrassed to remember that he'd actually had a _crush_ of all things on Tai. Maybe, eventually, one day he would tell Tai and they would laugh over how silly it was.

How very, very silly it all felt.


	2. Chapter 2

_I always know_

_That you make me smile_

_Please stay for a while now_

_Just take your time_

_Wherever you go_

* * *

March 2004:

Izzy wasn't sure how he managed to get through the days following the sealing of the final Digital Gate. It was as though his very soul had been ripped from his body, leaving him empty and alone. He hadn't even been able to turn on his computer, the very thought of the screen powering up and leading him... nowhere.

The first day after, he'd lain in bed, silent tears running down his cheeks. His mother had fretted herself sick over him, but it was as though she was miles away. The only thing he could focus on was Tentomon, his precious partner that he would never see again. He wasn't sure if he slept or not, only that he couldn't move, couldn't _feel_. And he'd only so recently opened himself. It had gotten to the point that the middle school had even called Kae, wondering if Izzy was dropping out. She'd quickly informed them that he had taken ill, and that he would be back soon, just give him time.

"Sweetheart?" she called softly, looking into his room. He hadn't turned on his lights in a few days. She sat on the bed next to him, placing her hand on his shoulder. He didn't even turn to look at her. "Izzy, I know you're hurting, but... you can't let this overwhelm you. Tentomon wouldn't want you to be like this."

Izzy took a breath that was more like a sob. "I... I don't think I can, Mom. It, it hurts. Like I've never hurt before. But, at the same time, I'm so... numb. As though I'll never feel anything ever again."

"I understand." She pulled him up, letting him collapse bonelessly against her shoulder. "When I lost my son, I went through the same things. Your father went out of his mind trying to console me. But you know what really helped?" Izzy looked up at her with bloodshot eyes, begging silently for anything to fix this nothingness that was consuming him. "When _you_ came into my life. I realized that, though I would always love my son, he wasn't the only one I would ever love. And that there were people that needed _me_ , not just the shell I was becoming." She squeezed him tight, wanting to take away all his pain, but only able to share her own.

"But it's so hard. How can I go on when another piece of me is gone, locked away forever?" It was the first time he'd said it out loud and it almost sent him back to the same shell shocked state as before. "I'll never see Tentomon again. He's gone forever, and I'm all alone again."

"He'll never be gone, as long as you remember him." Kae kissed him on the top of the head. "And besides, you're _not_ alone. You have friends, here in this world, who you can share your hurt with."

She was right. Matt, Cody, Mimi, Kari, all of them. They were in just as much pain, he wasn't the only one to feel this swirling emptiness, and just as his mother opened herself to him, he could be open with them.

And that was how he found himself, sitting in class for the first time in weeks. He had always been ahead in his studies, staying after school to gather the next weeks' homework, so he wasn't as far behind as, oh say, Davis was, so he still found himself able to put his head on his desk and look out the window. Miss. Akami eyed him suspiciously, but left him alone. He'd always been a good student, and she'd heard he'd been ill recently.

His classes passed by in a blur, and he could feel himself withdrawing, shutting down, turning back into that same nine year old he'd been long before that fateful summer. He could see the others, lost in their own depression, trying to cling desperately to any shred of normalcy. Matt and Sora threw themselves into their relationship, cutting out everyone else; Ken, Joe, and Cody dedicated themselves to their schoolwork so as to prove that they were still worth something to someone; TK took up Confirmation classes at the Catholic Church down the street from his complex, disappearing every Sunday to try and find the angel he'd left behind; Yolie began working at the Ai Mart, wanting to lose herself in mindless tasks so she wouldn't have to think about her loss; Tai and Davis immersed themselves in soccer practices, working themselves to such exhaustion that Kari was forced to keep her eye on them; and Mimi vanished into the bustle of New York, barely remembering to send a post card even once a week.

Despite his mother's words, he couldn't see how he was supposed to find the friendship he so desperately needed. Any time the Children found the time to pretend to be happy in, he could see it – the haunted look in the depths of their eyes, the tears so precariously held back. Though they were all together, none of them had ever felt so alone.

* * *

April 2004:

Izzy was drifting down the sidewalk, not really walking with purpose, though he knew he needed to get home. Even with finals coming up in just two months, he still had a five-page paper due for his English Literature class. He debated stopping by the Ai Mart, to check up on Yolie. She would be taking the entrance exams for Odiaba Middle school soon, and he wanted to know if she needed any help. But the last time he'd gone to tutor her she'd opened her book and they'd started crying together, unable to stop.

He was carrying his book bag low, almost dragging it on the ground, when he heard his name being called, a joyous noise that somehow felt right in his ears.

"Hey, Iz! It's been a while!"

Izzy turned, watching as Tai ran up to him. He was in his soccer uniform, covered in mud and grass. Though he was smiling, there was that same mirrored agony hiding behind his eyes. Izzy had a brief moment, a flash back to that spring five years ago where he'd finally realized just how his heart fluttered at the sight of his brunette friend, and he suddenly wished for that overwhelming sadness to come back, to rid him of the sudden warmth of his cheeks.

"Tai," he said softly, trying not to let the sudden elation he felt invade his voice. "How are you today?"

The boy shrugged, easily falling in line next to Izzy as they continued to his apartment complex. "Trying to get through. I didn't realize just how much I would miss Agumon. Even last time, when we said goodbye, it didn't make me feel so... off."

"Last time there was the possibility that the gates would open again." Izzy paused to wipe his eyes. "But with BlackWarGreymon's will being so strong..."

"Emo asshole," Tai grumbled. "God, even Apocalymon would have told him to cheer the hell up."

Izzy couldn't help himself.

He laughed.

He covered his mouth, almost dropping his bag as he threw back his shoulders and laughed. It wasn't the first time Tai had insulted a Digimon before, and probably wouldn't be the last, but somehow it was funniest thing in the world. It made him feel somewhat normal again after the long weeks of simply _existing_. He felt Tai easily slide an arm around his shoulders, leaning against him and laughing just as hard. He felt warmth fill him and for this first time in a long time, he didn't feel so completely and utterly alone.

He didn't even realize he'd reached his complex, so busy idly chatting with Tai as though everything in the world was right. The brunette's arm was sill lingering on him, and Izzy didn't want anything about that moment to change.

"Aw, man," Tai realized, looking around. "I didn't know we were already here." He pulled away and the redhead bit back the longing sigh. He still wasn't sure how much to show around his friend. "It was nice catching up with you, Iz. We should hang out again soon."

"We should," Izzy agreed, smiling at his feet. He wasn't sure what expression he was wearing, and didn't know if Tai would be able to see through it. Tai waved, taking off down the street and Izzy practically floated into his apartment.

"Sweetheart?" his mother called, stepping into the hallway. He looked at her and she gave him a warm smile, the most relaxed look he'd seen her wear since that fateful day. "Is everything all right?" She already knew the answer.

"I think I'm finally feeling better." He bowed politely. "I have homework to do, Mom, but I'll be out soon."

He closed his bedroom door behind him and Kae smiled when she didn't hear the small lock shoot home. She'd heard Tai at the door, and knew that her son was going to be ok.

* * *

The days passed easily, and Izzy found himself spending less and less time in the darkness of his room. He stayed after school, actually enjoying Computer Club again now that he wasn't completely depressed, and even managed to find the time to stay and watch the Soccer Club in their final practices. Tai was more willing than ever to spend time with him, even despite suddenly finding himself surrounded by girls.

"How are you able to achieve so much?" Izzy asked him one day as they relaxed in the living room. Tai was settled on the couch, not really watching the movie he'd put in earlier. "Soccer, school, all those dates..." He didn't want to admit how jealous he was every time he saw Tai with another girl on his arm.

"And yet I still have time for my best bud," Tai laughed. He stretched lazily, maneuvering himself to lean against Izzy. The redhead blushed, wanted desperately to read further into the touch, but knowing it was just how Tai was. He thrived on physical contact, no matter who it was with. "Why do you ask?"

"I know that you are energetic, but even I get exhausted watching you go from activity to activity." Izzy eyed the brunette who was now nuzzling sleepily against his shoulder. "Do you take the time necessary to rest?"

"Rest?" Tai laughed. "I don't need to rest. Not when I'm around you."

Izzy was definitely blushing. Tai obviously didn't realize how that sounded, or how it affected the redhead. He'd been very careful, all these years, to hide the way he felt about the brunette. To prevent him from realizing that friendship was just the surface. He still harbored those secret thoughts, the ones where Tai confessed to those same feelings, the ones where he was able to be himself without fear or rejection.

And it was as though he could see those images, hear those words, the way that Tai continued to shift against him, pressing warmly until they were both laying back on the couch, the brunette sprawled on top of Izzy like a lazy cat.

"T-Tai!" Izzy yelped, though it came out as more of a whimper. His weight was heavy on his chest, but Izzy couldn't bring himself to complain. He'd rather suffocate under Tai than tell him to move. "What are you doing?"

"You're just so... comfortable." A hand slid over his waist, and Izzy fought to tell himself that it was all platonic. Tai looked at him with warm oak eyes, sparkling with something he'd never seen before. "Don't you think so?"

Izzy closed his eyes, screaming at his body, demanding it not react to the soft lips that were moving against his throat. Tai's hand was still sliding, reaching up to toy with the buttons on his uniform. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, when Tai was suddenly nose to nose with him, that impish grin curving his incredibly soft lips.

"I know," he whispered breathlessly. "I know how you feel, how you _are_."

"You _can't_ ," Izzy murmured so softly he wasn't sure if he'd spoken or just thought the words. "There's no way you can know."

Instead of replying, Tai just lowered himself those agonizing inches, and Izzy felt warmth flow in tingling streams from his lips. It was as though his mind was in a fog, and the only thing he knew was that this felt right. More than that, it felt _perfect_.

He gave a strangled moan as Tai moved against him, teeth nipping his lips apart and a warm tongue invading his mouth. That damned hand of his was still exploring, unbuttoning his uniform jacket and pulling his undershirt from where he'd had it tucked in. Part of Izzy wanted to push him away, tell him it was moving too fast, that he wasn't sure if this was what he wanted, but the other part wanted to pull him closer, offer up everything he had, give in to what he'd wanted since he was ten.

And that was how he found himself with his hands running through Tai's hair, kissing back with a surprising passion. Their tongues swirled together and Izzy shuddered as he felt his shirt being slipped over his shoulders. The room was cold on his heated skin, but Tai didn't seem to notice. The only thing the brunette cared about were the muffled noises Izzy was making as he tried to pull Tai as close as possible.

Tai chuckled, an echoing noise that cleared Izzy's mind of all thought and pulled back. The younger whined, a noise he never thought he'd make, and tried to blink back to reality. Surely, this wasn't happening. There was no way this was happening. Tai had come to his senses and things were going to go back to normal, right?

Tai moved, adjusting himself, and kissed Izzy with a renewed fire, nibbling and licking down the redhead's throat and it was all Izzy could do to try not to scream too loud. He didn't know when Tai's shirt had come off, his jacket already hanging over by the door, but the feel of his skin against Izzy's chest was driving him crazy. Over the sounds of his own whimpers and moans, he could hear a soft voice, a heated chanting, and it took him a moment to realize it was him, murmuring the taller boy's name over and over like some kind of spell. As though, if he stopped, everything would vanish.

Those hands, hot and soft and leaving rivers of cold tingles everywhere they went were now at his waist, toying with his belt. He couldn't see anything but dusky oaken eyes, couldn't hear anything but his own voice, couldn't feel anything but those lips on his chest. But he knew when Tai's hands had found his zipper, and he knew when his pants slowly started to descend.

"Tai," he whimpered. He was pressed into his sheets, tossing his head into his pillow, trying to hide his burning face. "Tai, I... I love you."

Tai was between his legs, fitting neatly between them with a wonderful, steady movement that he never wanted to end. He leaned down, once more hovering just above the redhead's lips. "Izzy, I..."

With a gasp, Izzy shot up, almost falling out of bed. His alarm clock glowed in the darkness of his room, blinking 12:00 over and over. He was shivering with cold, though he had sweated through his nightshirt. He could feel his body aching, wondering what had happened to the wonderful dream-boy that had been on top of him. He put a hand over his mouth, feeling the last remnants of Tai's kiss amidst the hot tears rolling down his cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

_The rain is falling on my window pane_

_But we are hiding in a safer place_

_Under covers staying safe and warm_

_You give me feelings that I adore_

* * *

April 2004:

How could he ever face Tai again?

For once, Izzy was thankful that all his classes were on the opposite side of the school from Tai's. This way, he wouldn't have to see the brunette at all if he didn't want to. At least, not physically. Last night's dream lingered with him, pushing its way to the forefront of his mind any time he let himself relax. It was so bad that he couldn't focus, couldn't concentrate on anything but getting through the day. If he didn't see Tai all day, he was sure that these damned feelings would let themselves be squashed back to where they were supposed to be.

Tai, however, seemed to have different thoughts. As though knowing the redhead was trying to avoid him, he took to the underclassman hallways. It was amazing, in all the time they'd been at the same school together, that this was the first day that Tai was actively trying to find his friend. Izzy didn't know why, whether it was for companionship or because he needed help with finals coming up, but it was severely frustrating. He could only thank whatever deity it was that was looking out for him that Tai was so obtrusive. He could always tell where the brunette was by his hair or the groups of young women giggling, so he could always turn his back, or escape down another hallway. It was the only thing he could do to clear his head.

It wasn't until the bell rang for lunch that Izzy looked up and there he was, standing down the hall and talking to his friends. The moment Tai's eyes landed on him he knew this was it - there was no excuse to be made this time, no "I didn't see you"s. Tai took a step toward him, the hallway parting as though he'd commanded it, and Izzy did the only intelligent thing he could think of.

He turned and ran.

He could hear Tai's startled yelp, but he was quicker than any of the other Children gave him credit for. He ducked through a gaggle of girls and managed to fly down the stairs to the first floor. He'd mapped the whole school mentally his first day, and he knew the emergency exit by the kendo room would not only be open, but that the alarm wouldn't go off. He didn't know if Tai could see him or not (most likely not, as he was still short enough to vanish under his classmates) but he ducked anyway, throwing himself against the door and escaping to a miserably-hot spring freedom. The gate around the school was locked, but there was a stretch of brick fencing that an ancient Persimmon tree grew at, and he used all his gym class skills to scurry up the trunk and hop the fence.

There was a brief twinge of something deep in him at the though of not only skipping class, but breaking out of school at the same time, but that was quickly squashed down. If he didn't take the chance and escape, he would be forced to confront Tai, and the lingering memory of his erotic dream would make certain that didn't go well.

He walked the streets of Odaiba, secretly intrigued at the goings on of a normal weekday, and found himself standing outside the open gates of Merston High, and in the courtyard he saw Joe sitting with a girl with short brown hair pulled back with a butterfly clip and a stern-faced black haired boy. Joe looked like he'd finished his lunch and was actually handing out with the other two, despite his claims of being friendless and alone in high school. Izzy swallowed hard, unwilling to bring himself to call out to the other boy, but desperately in need of a friendly ear. Luckily, the girl pointed his direction and Joe excused himself. Izzy could see the fading green and yellow of an old black eye, and he felt terrible that he didn't remember when he'd gotten it.

"Izzy? You ok? I didn't know the middle school was getting out early today." Not even a mention of his own injury, just like him.

"I was hoping to converse with you," Izzy told him softly.

"Not a problem - I still have twenty minutes left of lunch." He waved to his friends and led Izzy to a bench just outside the gate. "Is anyone else here with you?"

Izzy shook his head. "To be perfectly honest, Odaiba Middle School is still in session. I was feeling ill and decided the best course of action would be to go home."

"And yet you ended up going the wrong way?" Joe asked with a knowing smile. He reached out to pluck a leaf from Izzy's hair. "After rolling in the dirt, it looks like."

Izzy looked away. Joe was intelligent and observant, if anyone could help, it would be him. He still remembered that summer after Diaboromon's attack, after realizing he could still feel. He had called Joe, wondering just _how_ the taller boy had known he was gay and together they had waded through Izzy's confusion. The memory brought a troubling roll to his stomach and he twisted his lips into a grimace.

"How do you do it?" he finally asked. "How do you live like this?"

Joe blinked. "Like what?"

"With this..." Izzy tried to find the best words for a feeling he barely knew about. "Burning and longing, knowing you can never have him?"

Joe blushed lightly. "Ah, I thought I had hidden it better than that. Then again, you always see more than you let on." They sat in a tense silence for a moment, and behind blurry eyes Izzy was worried Joe had forgotten the question until at long last he sighed deeply. "Its terrible, isn't it? Trying to stay friends without him knowing? Making sure that nothing slips? To try and find happiness in fleeting moments that he'll never see in the same light as you?"

"What can I do about it?" Izzy looked up into once blackened eyes. The physical wounds, at least, seemed to be healing just fine. "I never wanted my life to be ruled by my emotions. They're such fickle things."

"There's only two things you can do when it gets this bad. You can either stay as you are now: stamping down every flare of joy you get when you see him, pretending that any attention from him didn't just make your day a hundred times better, holding back until you cant take it anymore and you scream 'I love you' into your pillow over and over so you don't slip up and say it to his face and destroy any chance at staying friends, or..." Joe reached up to rub a tear away and Izzy swallowed hard.

"Or...?"

"Or you can confess. Tell him how you feel and know for a fact how he feels."

"I can't do that!" Izzy yelped. "I _know_ he's heterosexual - I've seen him on too many dates. The only thing confessing will do is break my heart and destroy any chance I have at staying close to him." Izzy was crying, desperately wiping away those damnable tears while that horrific thing called emotion overwhelmed him. He felt Joe snake an arm around his shoulders and pull him close, hushing comfortingly. "Why does it have to be this way?" Izzy cursed his unsteady voice. "Why can't I just like _you_? We know each others preferences, we're friends, and we get along just fine. How can that be love and yet not be this strong?"

Joe put his cheek against the top of Izzy's head. "Even if we did hook up, would you want to be without that feeling forever? That intense warmth and joy?" The waver in his voice told Izzy he'd considered this before.

"I don't know how much longer I can take this..."

"Whatever happens, just know I'm here, ok?" Joe gave him a squeeze as the bell rang. He didn't want to leave Izzy alone, but if he was found out to skip class he wouldn't be in any shape to comfort. The redhead watched wearily as Joe left, saying something to the pair he'd been with. The girl looked over at him and gave a sad little wave with an encouraging smile before turning to the school. Slowly, the courtyard emptied and the gate closed with a heavy clang, and Izzy had no choice but to go home. Hopefully his mother would be out running errands so he would have time to come up with a convincing enough cough.

Heavy legs directed him back toward his apartment complex and he thought briefly upon what he would do when he encountered Tai again. Lie or confess, those were the options Joe had given him. It was obvious the path Joe had chosen and Izzy knew that would only become a hindrance in the long run. He blinked away tears and the realization that the next time he saw Tai would probably be his last. Hopefully that wouldn't come for a few days so he could get his thoughts in order.

He walked through the lobby and turned the corner. He was digging in his pockets for his keys so he didn't see the person standing at his door until his name was called. He looked up and choked. Panic flooded his find and he was temped to run again when he saw Tai standing there, arms crossed and glaring at him.

"What's your deal, man?" Tai called and Izzy had no choice now. He would have to confront the boy now, without any planning or preparation. "You took off like a bat outta Hell and I'm damn sure gonna find out why."

"Tai, can we please go inside," Izzy whispered. He wasn't looking forward to this, not yet, not ever. "I'll explain everything to it's fullest extent then."

Tai was still glaring, though he'd unfolded his arms. Now he just looked concerned and Izzy was sure to memorize his every last feature for the eventuality of never seeing him again. The brunette refused to move, however, so Izzy felt his face flush as he pressed up against Tai in order to unlock his door.

The first thing he noticed and was forever grateful for was that his mother's shoes were missing from their spot next to the door. At least he would be alone to admit his shame. Tai pushed past him, flopping almost angrily on his usual spot on the couch. He was still wearing his shoes and Izzy fought back the lecture on proper manners. He didn't want to start the fight so soon. He lingered as long as he could at the door, making sure his slippers were on properly and his sneakers aligned just so. Tai gave an irritated huff from the living room and Izzy squeezed his eyes tight to rid them of tears. He left the front door unlocked so as to not be a hindrance when Tai surely stormed out of the apartment.

He snuck slowly into the room, taking long calculated breaths as he sat on the far end of the couch. He had a fleeting fantasy of curling up next to the brunette, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, kissing him and being kissed back.

"Seriously, dude, what's up with you?" Tai's voice cut through his imagination and he swallowed hard. "Did I do something to piss you off?"

"N-no way, Tai!" Izzy yelped. It wasn't anything the brunette had done. Yet. "You have been a wonderful friend, more so than I could have ever asked for!"

Tai turned to face him, eyebrows furrowed with a deep sadness. "Then what's going on? You've been avoiding me all damn day."

"There is only one explanation, and I am ill prepared to give it to you in an eloquent manner..." Damn that adorably blank look Tai had when he didn't understand.

"Tai, I..." He took an breath and closed his eyes. Just like before with Tentomon, except the other boy's reaction was sure to be much more explosive. "I love you."

Tai shrugged. "Yeah, you're my friend and I love you, too, so what?"

Izzy wanted that to be it. To end this all here and let Tai continue to think is was just platonic. But the haunted look in Joe's eyes was burned into Izzy's mind and he knew he wouldn't be able to stand that expression whenever he looked in his mirror.

"No, Tai. I mean I'm _in_ love with you. Romantically."

"… Oh." Such a simple noise and yet so terrifying. What was it to precede? Izzy kept his eyes closed, pulling his fists into his lap. He wanted desperately to see the expression on Tai's face, but he was completely frozen. He felt the couch shift and he flinched. He'd seen how hard Tai could punch Matt, and they were _friends_.

"Izzy," came the soft, breathy voice and all of a sudden there were rough lips on his.

Izzy's eyes flew open as he looked straight into Tai's. He felt the heat in his cheeks rising as the soft, gentle kiss turned harder. His dream hit him, flooding his brain with every image from the night before, and he fought to come back to the just as arousing reality. Teeth nipped at his lips and when they parted in surprise, a hot tongue pushed inside. Izzy gave a strangled whimper and reached up, pressing a hand against Tai's chest. The sudden warmth was making him tingle all over and he couldn't think. He was drowning in emotion and wanted a moment to breathe.

Tai grabbed him by the wrist with a calloused hand and only pulled him closer.

"Tai..." he heard himself murmur. Somehow he found himself on his back, Tai between his legs. The brunette had let his lips go to kiss down his throat, as though knowing exactly how Izzy had dreampt it. He whimpered, and gasped as a particularly sensitive spot was nipped. "Tai... Why...?"

Tai pulled back, leaving Izzy terribly cold.

"Because you want me to," he said simply. "Don't you want this?" And again he was kissing him.

It was marvelously hot, rough lips against his lips, his cheeks, his throat. This would be wonderful, to feel Tai touching him all over. It would be interesting so see just how different it would be from his dream. But...

Izzy turned his head away reluctantly and groaned, "No... I don't want that."

Too suddenly Tai had pulled away completely, and Izzy fought to catch his breath.

"What do you mean?" Tai asked. "You said you loved me. Don't you want me to touch you?"

' _Yes_ ,' Izzy's mind screamed. "No, Tai. I want you to _want_ to touch me. I don't want you just because I want you."

Tai furrowed his brow. He was looking far too composed. "So... you _don't_ want to have sex with me, then?"

"No!" Izzy yelped, blushing. "Not right away at least. I want to date you, to be _with_ you, to be your boyfriend."

Tai chewed his tongue for a moment, finally leaning back enough so that Izzy could sit up. The redhead burned with embarrassment more and more the longer Tai was silent. He reached up, straightening his uniform, smoothing the rumples, anything to keep himself busy so he wouldn't risk reaching out to touch the other boy.

"Sorry," Tai said at long last. He bowed his head and was looking at his shoes. "You... you really like me, huh?"

"I have," Izzy admitted quietly. "Since the Digital World."

"That's a long time..." Tai had a faraway look in his eyes. He was obviously thinking about his lost friend. He shook his head. "How come you never said anything?"

"I was afraid."

"Of me?" Tai made a face. "You know I don't care. Hell, I've been friends with Joe and he's been out since he was eleven."

Izzy shook his head. "It's not the same. Yes, Joe is a homosexual, and yes, you have remained friends, but he never admitted to being in love with you. You are not the object of his affections so you never had the chance to feel uncomfortable with his interactions." Izzy blinked through the wet haze building behind his eyes. "If I had admitted to loving you, would you not then question my every motive? Whether it was friendship or affection that kept me close? Would you not have been worried every time you spent the night? Worry what I was telling everyone about our relationship?"

Tai gave an enviously easy shrug. "It's not like you didn't have the chance to do any of that stuff before. I just wouldn't have known."

"Why...?" Izzy began. "Then why did you kiss me just now? Are you a homosexual?"

Tai shrugged again. "I dunno. Usually whenever girls tell me they love me, they just want me to have sex with them."

"So you just assumed I only wanted a physical relationship?" Somehow that hurt worse than Tai assaulting him.

Tai finally looked uncomfortable. "I guess, I was just hoping we could, you know, get it over with, and we could go back to the way we were."

Izzy took a breath. He was surprised at how calmly he was able to say, "Well, if that is all you're after, maybe we should... not be around each other anymore."

"What are you talking about?" Tai yelped. "We can still be friends, can't we?"

"Tai, if you assume I only want a sexual relationship, then you will never interpret my intentions as pure despite what you said earlier. I told you, I want you more than anything else in the world and unless you feel the same way... I don't believe we can remain as we were."

"Izzy..."

"Please." Izzy cursed the sob that escaped. "Tai, please leave."

The brunette hesitated and Izzy closed his eyes harshly against his tears. Finally, the couch shifted and Izzy heard Tai shamble down the hall, closing the door quietly behind him. He keened loudly into his fists, finally allowing his emotions to overflow.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been there, but he must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, his mother was stroking his hair, calling his name softly.

"Izzy, sweetheart?" He cracked open one bloodshot eye and sniffled. "What happened?"

"I just..." He sat up and wiped his nose on his sleeve. His uniform was incredibly dirty by now. "I told someone I liked them and I was rejected."

"Oh, baby," his mother sighed softly. He sat up and she wrapped him in a hug. "It'll be ok. Let's get you to your bed, it'll be more comfortable than this old thing."

"Mom?" He heard himself say after she'd laid him down. "I don't think I'm going to school tomorrow."

* * *

Tai was beside himself the next few days. No matter where he looked, he couldn't find Izzy. He'd even tried skipping English to wander the halls, thinking he was hiding somewhere, but Mr. Muromi had caught him.

He fidgeted and fiddled with everything on his desk, driving his surrounding classmates crazy, but he didn't care. All he could think of was Izzy, all he could feel were those warm lips on his, all he could hear was a hushed _"I'm_ in _love with you."_

No other girl, no matter how persistent, had ever come this close to filling his mind - not even Sora!

Had he always loved Izzy? Did he even love him now? Or was it just the other boy's confession messing with his head?

Tai groaned and flunked his forehead on his desk. It had been so easy before. The girl would come up to him, say she loved him, they would sleep together and she would be on her way, giggling about conquering the soccer star. And then Izzy had gone and told him the same thing! At first, Tai had been disappointed. He'd never imagined the younger teen to be what the team called a "ball slut", and his first reaction had been to just get it over with and try and salvage whatever relationship would be left. After all, it couldn't be that different with a guy, right? Easier, even, since they had all the same parts!

And then Izzy has pushed him away, told him they couldn't be friends anymore. As though suddenly being in love with someone was the worst way to feel about them. Something about not being pure anymore? Tai wanted to slide out of his desk and roll on the floor to think like he would have at home, but Mr. Muromi would just put him in the hall.

The worst part, now, was that he hadn't seen hide nor hair of Izzy since that day. If he'd known what a mess it would have caused, Tai would have never tracked the boy down to his house and forced him to talk. He should have let Izzy do the girl thing and say "fine" and let that be that. This desperate longing in his chest was becoming irritating, and he wanted to find the boy and demand answers from him. If he could find him.

"Damnit, Iz," Tai grumbled into the surface of his desk. Mr. Muromi glared at him but the final bell rang and Tai flew out the door. ' _Where would Izzy be?_ ' He thought as he sprinted past the gate. Soccer Club would start soon, but right now he didn't care. ' _With Joe? No, his classes don't end yet. Matt? I probably would have heard..._ '

Tai ended up standing, once again, in front of Izzy's door. He had one fist raised, poised to knock, but he couldn't bring it down.

_'What if he doesn't like me anymore? What if he's sick?'_ He thought to the news article that had played last night, sending his father grumbling out of the living room for some reason. _'What if he hurt himself?'_

He was suddenly aware of himself knocking desperately, yelling Izzy's name. Surely the redhead was smarter than to hurt himself, wasn't he? Or maybe the rejection Tai had flung at him (was it really rejection? Tai didn't remember it going that way) had pushed him over the edge to... becoming just another statistic.

Tai's voice was just beginning to crack when the door opened and a very sleepy, very annoyed looking Izzy glared at him.

"Iz, thank God," Tai sighed. "You're ok."

"I am, Mr. Kamiya," the redhead said in his politest Japanese. "May I inquire as the the reason you have for almost breaking down my door?"

"Don't give me that formal crap." Tai pushed forward, stepping into the foyer. "I refuse to let you brush me off that easily."

Izzy bowed, trying to close the door on Tai's foot. "As we are no longer acquaintances, I fear you are overstepping your boundaries."

"No." Tai grabbed the door and Izzy squawked as he backed up, the brunette descending upon him. "I'm stepping on nothing. I need to talk to you. Now."

"Then you may converse with me at school. A-and remove your shoes!"

"I can't _converse_ with you anywhere because I haven't _seen_ you anywhere!"

Izzy stumbled, collapsing on the couch. He swallowed hard, remembering the last time he had encountered the brunette in this same room. Tai leaned over him, slapping a hand over his chest.

"Don't you know how worried I've been about you? First you tell me you love me, then you say you can't be around me. Then you skip classes for the first time _ever_ since I've known you and when I _do_ check up on you, you say you don't want me here. Do you think I don't give a shit about you? That if you decided to hurt yourself, I would just shrug it off and carry on?" A tear fell on Izzy's cheek, and Tai couldn't understand where it fell from. "Do you think I'm that, that callous?"

"Tai, I..."

"You say that you don't want to be friends unless I love you back, right? Well, I don't know what love is - hell, every girl I've ever been with has just used that word to get into my pants, but if... if worrying myself sick over you, if driving myself crazy not being able to see you is love then yes, Izzy, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone ever before."

Izzy turned away, looking at the floor. "So you're not just after a physical relationship or just trying to 'get it over with'?"

"Izzy..." Tai hated the sinking feeling in his chest, the one that told him he'd been a grade-A asshole. "I never meant to hurt you, you know that. You said you've known since the Digital World that you love me. Well, I may have just realized it but that doesn't make it any less real." He knelt before Izzy, wiping his eyes. "Won't you let me show you?"

Izzy blushed as Tai gently took his hand, pressing his lips to his knuckles. "I suppose I can allow you to prove how sincere your feelings for me are."

Tai didn't realize he was holding his breath until he let it out with a laugh. He stood slowly, leaving heavily against Izzy's chest, taking the redhead's chin in his hands. His breath was warm on his lips.

"Are you sure you want this?" Izzy whispered.

"Never more sure of anything," Tai breathed and Izzy smiled in the tingling of their first true kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

  _They start in my toes_

_Make me crinkle my nose_

_Wherever it goes_

_I always know_

_That you make me smile_

* * *

May 2004:

"What's that, Tai?" Kari asked, sitting next to him on the couch. "Did you get hurt in your last match?"

"What are you talking about?" Tai raised an eyebrow. He was trying to cram for his finals in two weeks (and totally _not_ checking his phone every five minutes for another text from his new boyfriend) and she just kept pestering him.

"I'm talking about that." She leaned over and poked at something right under his ear. "Ooh," she crooned. "Does big brother have another girlfriend?"

"What?" Tai reached up absently. The only thing that had been near his neck lately was Izzy.

Izzy!

Tai slapped his hand over his hickey as Kari almost cried with laughter.

"Do _not_ tell mom and dad about this or I'll break _all_ your toys!" Tai threatened, but Kari just continued to howl.

"Tai's got a girlfriend, Tai's got a girlfriend," she sang, slapping him playfully on the shoulder. He gave her a dirty look, one he reserved for whenever she teased him about the girls he was with.

"What's that about a new girlfriend?" Their mother asked, pushing through the door with an armful of groceries. Their father, home early for once, had been roped into carrying the heavy cans.

Kari leapt off the couch, taking the bags from her parents, all the while teasing, "Tai has a big old bruise right on his neck where he was sucking face with some girl earlier."

This was the part where Yuuko would give a long-suffering sigh and tell Tai not to break another girl's heart. Susumu would give him a stern talk about relationships appropriate for his age, winking at him when his wife wasn't looking. And Kari would tease him all night, guessing the newest girl's name and measurements.

Instead, Tai muttered, he thought, to himself, "I don't think he'd appreciate being called a girl."

Kari must have had super hearing that night because she squealed like a schoolgirl, "Ooh, even better: Tai has a _boy_ friend!"

The tense silence filled the apartment, broken only by Kari's good natured giggling. Yuuko didn't even blink as Kari almost crushed the bread under the cans of soup. "Tai, honey, is... is that true?"

Tai looked at his mother, chewing his tongue. Izzy had told him that coming out might be the hardest part about their relationship, which is why Tai had frenched him in front of their friends. All the Children had accepted them easily, and these were his parents. He loved them more than anything else in the world and they loved him just as much. What could happen?

Tai shrugged. "Yeah. We've been going out for almost a month now." He grabbed his phone like he would have during any other chats about his girlfriends. "You remember who he is, Mom, he's -"

There was a sudden explosion of pain in the back of his head and Tai flew off the couch. He was aware, distantly, of his mother shouting and Kari crying. He was blinking the sparkles from his eyes when he was grabbed by his collar and hauled to his feet.

"Susumu!" his mother was pleading.

"Daddy!" Kari tugged desperately at her father's sleeve.

But he ignored them both, shaking Tai roughly. "What the _hell_ did you just say?!"

Tai gagged, trying to breathe. He clutched desperately at the hand around his neck, no longer used to holding his own against someone twice his size.

"Let go of him!" Someone was begging, sobbing. "Please, you're going to kill him!"

There was a moment of hesitation, and a fear deep inside that this was the moment he would die. Not by Devimon, Piedmon, or any form of Myotismon that might still be lingering, but by his own father, over dating _Izzy_ of all things. Then he was dropped, stumbling only to double over as he was punched in the gut.

"If you think I'll let my own son turn into a fucking _faggot_ under my roof, think again!" Susumu was standing over him as he wheezed, trying to catch his breath. He wasn't sure what hurt worse, his stomach or his heart.

"Susumu, for the love of God, _stop it_!"

"Daddy, please!" Kari was crying as he grabbed Tai, dragging him across the apartment. "What are you doing?!"

"I will not tolerate this... this _disrespect_ for our family name!" The door was opened and Tai was flung onto the balcony, ramming into the railing. For a terrifying moment, he thought he would tumble off the side and fall the thirteen stories to the ground.

The door slammed shut behind him as he finally caught his breath, rubbing his sore throat.

"Dad!" he cried, forcing himself to his feet. He heard the deadbolt slide home as he began pounding on the door desperately. "Damnit, Dad, let me in!" The neighbors could surely hear him. "Mom! Kari!"

There was a pause and the door cracked open. His mother's terrified face peeked past the chain lock.

"Mom-!" Tai started but she shushed him.

"Tai, just... just give your father the night to calm down. Your sister and I will talk to him."

"Mom, you can't -"

She slipped him his cell phone through the gap. "It's gong to be ok, honey. In time."

" _Yuuko_!" His father screamed from somewhere in the apartment, and she flinched. "Do not let that _fag_ back in this house!"

"Just go, Tai!" his mother yelped, slamming the door.

Tai swallowed the dry lump in his throat. He could barely hold his phone in his shaking hands. Through the door, he could hear his father continue to rage, his mother screaming for him to calm down, and Kari, poor Kari, sobbing in fear. The look in his mother's eyes scared him. The last time he'd seen her that terrified was when the Bakemon were herding her away, and she thought she'd never see her children again. But there was no way she would let his father kick him out for good. Not for just being gay. Right?

He heard something crash against the door and he jumped. Maybe it was a good idea to spend the night with one of his friends. But who?

Joe wasn't allowed to have guests. TK was too far, and he didn't have any money for the bus. Mimi was still in America, and Sora's mother would have a heart attack if he'd asked to stay the night with her daughter. He thought briefly of going to Izzy's, but he didn't want the redhead to know he'd been outed and kicked out - that would just crush him.

He pulled out his phone, hoping and praying that Matt was skipping band practice again. It rang and rang and Tai found himself pacing in front of the elevator, still hearing the muffled curses.

"C'mon, c'mon..." He slammed his fist into the buttons, listening as the motor began to creak. "Damnit, Matt, I swear-!"

"You swear what, dude?"

Tai yelped. He hadn't heard the receiver click on.

"I swear that, uh... I haven't seen you in forever!" Tai gave a nervous laugh that irritated his throat. "Think I can come hang out and catch up?"

Matt hmmed and sighed in thought, and Tai jumped as the elevator opened. He shifted from foot to foot. If Matt didn't agree...

"Sure, why not? Dad won't be home until late, so I'll make dinner."

Tai let out a burst of nervous laughter that scared him. He scrambled into the elevator, saying as static filled the line, "I'll be there in a sec!" And it finally beeped dead.

He descended, the lift moving slower than it ever had before. Or was it just him? So heavy with dread, he could hardly breathe, his heart thudding painfully. His stomach and head still ached where he'd been punched. He still couldn't comprehend everything that had happened. One moment he'd been joking with Kari like usual, the next he was tossed out on his ass.

The elevator door opened and he shoved his hands in his pockets, trying not to look too bitter as he meandered down the street. It was still early, so at least he didn't have to worry about some wierdo picking him up. He already missed his sister, and he hoped she didn't feel too badly. He was sure that once his dad calmed down, they would all be able to laugh it off.

He'd forgotten how far of a walk it was to Matt's complex and cursed himself again for leaving his wallet in his room. At least he had his phone with him, even if he didn't have a charger. He checked it one last time for a message from Izzy, holding back desperately from texting, and turned it off. He didn't know when the next time would be when he could charge it.

He gave a friendly wave to the woman in the lobby, and she gave him an odd look. It probably wasn't too often that young kids came to visit an all-male complex. He decided to take the stairs, trying to figure out what he would tell Matt. The blonde had skipped class the day he and Izzy had come out, and he wasn't sure if word had ever reached him.

He knocked on the door, chewing his tongue. Everyone else had been so supportive, why wouldn't Matt be? Then again, he'd thought the same thing about his parents and look where he was now. He furrowed his brow and began running his hands through his hair. What if Matt got mad at him too? What if he lost his best friend? What was taking Matt so damn long to answer the door?!

Tai winced as he accidentally yanked out a handful of hair when the door opened suddenly. The blond gave him an easy smile and Tai felt himself freeze.

"What's up? You sure took your sweet time getting here."

He was so calm now, but what about when he found out? Would he be assaulted by someone he trusted again?

"Matt...I'm gay!" He swallowed hard. "Is, is that ok?"

The blonde blinked. "And I'm making spaghetti tonight, is _that_ ok?"

Tai laughed as Matt slung an arm around his shoulders. He was led inside, collapsing in front of the TV.

"I thought I heard something like that not too long ago," Matt said conversationally, as though the topic were something so simple as the weather, "but I figured it was just a girl you'd dumped being a bitch."

Tai was already raiding the video game shelf. "Well, it's not like I stood on top of the school and screamed it." Though Izzy sure acted like he had. "Why do you have First Person Puncher? I thought you liked those dumb RPGs or whatever."

"It was made by Enix, of course I own it." Matt sighed as Tai struggled with the PlayStation 2 He was more of a Nintendo guy, anyway.

The night dragged on, Tai going from game to game, unable to decide on anything to play for more than a few minutes. Matt, concerned at his PlayStation 2's abuse but seeing the faraway look in Tai's eyes volunteered to start dinner. A few failed attempts at conversation later, the two were sitting at the table.

"Is there _anything_ you want to talk about?" Matt attempted one last time. "It's getting pretty late."

Tai poked at his food. It was delicious, no doubt, but he couldn't find room in his stress-filled stomach for it. "Yeah, I..." Tai couldn't look Matt in the eye. "Think I could crash here for the night?"

"Sure, man. " Matt sighed. He obviously wasn't going to get anything out of the stubborn brunette without having to throw the first punch. "You're always welcome here, you know that."

"Thanks." He stood suddenly and yawned. "I'll get the dishes and try and sleep. I'm wiped."

"Why don't you go ahead and take my bed for tonight?" Matt offered.

"You sure? What about you?"

"Don't worry, I'll use the futon for when Dad has TK over. Besides, you look like Hell."

"Thanks again, man." Tai yawned, trying not to wince as the bruise he was surely forming on his stomach throbbed. Matt busied himself with cleanup as Tai stumbled into the small room. He didn't bother to undress or even get under the covers, all he wanted to do was pass out and get the next day over with.

* * *

Malcolm quietly entered the apartment, making a face as the door squealed, announcing to the world that he'd worked past eleven again. The walls were thin enough to hear his neighbors conversations, he didn't want to hear them talk about him again. He slung his jacket off and tossed it on the floor, promising to pick it up at a reasonable hour. He was about to raid the kitchen for leftovers when he heard his son stirring, blinking sleepily as he sat up from his spot at the dining table.

"Matt," he chastised. "Did you stay up for me?"

"Nah, I meant to roll out the futon," Matt yawned. "I just got so tired."

"The futon?" Malcolm raised an eyebrow. "What's going on?"

Matt shushed him and whispered, "Tai's staying the night." He stood and grabbed his dad's jacket, hanging it neatly on the rack.

"Is he... ok?" Malcolm had heard a rumor about the boy from one of the guys at the station whose kid was on the same soccer team.

"Yeah, kind of." Matt walked to the kitchen, pulling out the plate he'd covered and set aside. "He was acting all funny and... I think he got kicked out of his house."

Malcolm nodded solemnly. He had run into Susumu Kamiya a few times and wouldn't put losing his temper past him. "I know he's your friend, but you know there's only so much we can do..." Matt looked away. He hated that he knew that. "But, we'll do everything we can."

"Thanks, Dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the original version over on ff.net I had made up names for Tai's parents, so I changed them to the real ones in this posting. I still refuse to acknowledge that "Malcolm" isn't Hiroaki's dub name.


	5. Chapter 5

 

_Please stay for a while_

_Now just take your time_

_Wherever you go_

* * *

May 2004:

Tai rolled over in his bed, almost falling out of it. He snorted and blinked heavily, sitting up. His room sure looked different. When did he get all these posters for all the weird bands he'd never heard of? And where did his top bunk go?

It took him a moment to think, to dig up those memories, and remember what had happened the night before. He'd been kicked out of his house, taken refuge at Matt's. He looked at his cell phone on the table next to him. He'd turned it on before falling asleep, waiting for his mother to call and let him know it was ok to come home. But a quick look at it told him he'd missed nothing. Not a call nor a text, just a low battery warning.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, stretching and wincing. No wonder Matt was cranky all the time, his mattress had several springs that had stabbed him all night. He adjusted his shirt, running his fingers through his hair, fumbling and fidgeting and in general not wanting to face the day. His mom had told him to give them the night, so everything should be better today, shouldn't it?

He opened the door, peering into the living room that was also the kitchen. Matt was still sprawled on the floor in front of the TV, buried completely under the thin futon blanket with only the tips of his hair poking out. His father's ratty jacket was hanging by the door, so he tried to be quiet as he tiptoed across the apartment.

He was just slipping on his shoes when he heard a rustle and a yawn, followed by a sleepy voice, "What? Not gonna stay for breakfast?"

"O-oh, hey, Matt." He tried to put on what he hoped was his usual easy-going grin as Matt sat up, blinking the sleep from his eyes. "I didn't mean to wake you. I just needed to get home and..." What? Pretend last night didn't happen? That his dad hadn't said those horrible things? Act as though the black and blue splotch across his stomach didn't make it hurt to breathe?

"No way, dude." Matt rolled the futon neatly, throwing it next to the TV and stood. "You're staying _here_ for breakfast. You're _going_ to tell me what's up. _Then_ , we'll see about getting you home."

"Look, my dad's probably worried about me -"

"And so's mine." Matt pushed past Tai, walking to the refrigerator. "Now sit and eat your God damn food."

Tai would have pointed out that he didn't have any food, but Matt didn't look in any kind of mood for jokes. Maybe it wasn't the mattress, maybe he just wasn't a morning person. The same awkwardness from the night before settled over them, and Tai knew he wouldn't be able to get out of it this time. He was going to have to tell Matt what had happened.

Even if he wasn't sure himself.

Matt was humming to himself, pausing to think every so often. He was obviously coming up with a new tune to something and Tai wondered what it was like, to just _think_ something and be able to bring it to life. Would he ever be able to do something as cool as that?

Tai was lost in his own thoughts, bouncing from one to the other, trying to keep from the one thing that was plaguing his mind, when he heard the other bedroom door open. Malcolm yawned as he exited his room, sitting next to the brunette with a weary smile. He looked like he'd slept about as well as Tai had.

"How was your night?" the man asked, obviously not just about sleeping arrangements. But Tai wasn't ready to face that – not on an empty stomach.

"It was fine." He forced himself to smile. "Thanks for letting me crash for the night."

"You know you're always welcome here, but -" Malcolm began, interrupted by a plate being set harshly in front of him and an irritated noise in the back of Matt's throat.

" _But_ ," Matt growled at his father, handing Tai his portion and sitting down across from the boy, "we're going to have a civilized breakfast for once. That means no texting work, dad."

Tai couldn't stop the snicker as Malcolm looked away guiltily. It was like when Kari would get onto him for playing games all night instead of studying.

Kari... He hoped she wasn't beating herself up right now...

"What's this?" Tai asked, distracting himself from the pain in his chest by poking at the odd brown roll on his plate. It smelled lightly sweet and wonderfully warm.

" _Tamagoyaki_ ," Matt informed him and Tai took a cautious bite. He didn't doubt anything Matt made was delicious, but he wanted to taste what he would soon be scarfing. "I don't get to make it too much because..." He paused and tried to hide the face he was making. Sora didn't care for soy sauce, and she made it apparent whenever he had to use it in a dish.

The salty sweetness and fluffyness of the egg was wonderful from the first bite and Tai began to happily gobble his breakfast. "It's great, man!"

"It's wonderful, son," Malcolm added and Matt turned pink.

"It's not like anyone else in this house can cook," he muttered, but he looked distinctly pleased with himself.

Conversation was light, and even Tai found himself chatting along easily about the latest movie coming out that weekend, Matt's newest game he'd scrounged up enough for, the weather, anything but what really needed to be discussed. Even Malcolm didn't take more than a few glances at his phone, despite his son's warning.

"So, Tai," Malcolm said, in as fatherly-stern a voice he could muster, "care to tell us what happened?"

Tai shrugged. With a full stomach and a few hours sleep, he didn't feel as worried as he had before. "I got in a fight with my dad last night, and I decided to cool down over here. Sorry I kinda... barged in."

"What exactly did you two fight about?" Malcolm pressed. It was obvious he knew, but he wanted the boy to admit it.

Tai just shifted, glancing away. "Just... stupid shit, nothing too big. But it's cool. He'll've calmed down, and I'm calm, and everything will go back to normal. I promise."

"Tai..." Matt looked about ready to knock some sense into the brunette, but his father held his hand up.

"Tai, let us take you home. We'll make sure you get to your apartment safe." It wasn't an offer, but a command. It made Tai worry that they were thinking the same thing he was.

"You don't have to..." Tai pleaded one last time, but Malcolm was already standing, getting his shoes from where Matt had placed them.

"Get your things (Tai's phone, he had nothing else) and we'll go to the car."

* * *

Tai bounced to the music in his head, shifting from foot to foot, chewing his tongue, and generally being a bundle of nervous energy as he stood in the cramped elevator, waiting for it to open. Matt and Malcolm were beginning to regret taking the boy all the way to his door, wondering if they should have taken the stairs instead. But then the bell dinged and Tai leapt out of the lift, looking like he'd meant to trip over his own feet.

"You guys can wait here, you know," Tai told them, but Matt continued to walk next to him without a word. Malcolm, however, lingered next to the far balconies, taking out a cigarette. He would still be able to keep an eye on them without looking like he was ready to pick a fight.

Tai's phone _bloumped_ a final warning that his battery was about to die as he raised a fist to his door. The "Kamiya" nameplate stared him in the face and he didn't want to notice that his name had been blocked out with a strip of electrical tape. He hesitated, just long enough to think of the scar emblazoned over his heart, and finally knocked.

There was a tense silence and he felt Matt take a minute step closer to him, trying not to shove his friend out of the way so he could start yelling. He wondered if he should knock again, maybe they hadn't heard him, or maybe they thought it was the neighbor, or maybe they thought he was a salesman, or maybe –

The door swung open suddenly and Tai almost choked in surprise. His father stood, towering over him not with height, but with a coldness he'd never seen before.

"Dad," he began, wanting to try and figure out what had happened.

"I told you, you're not welcome here anymore," his father growled. His eyes flicked to Matt and he sneered. "This the other fag you've been fucking?" He spit at Matt's feet.

The blonde inhaled sharply, fists clenched at his sides, and Tai tried again, "Dad, it's Matt – you _know_ him! You _know_ me!"

"I don't fucking know you," his father said simply. "I know my son, and I know I didn't raise him to be a queer. Who the hell _you_ are, I'll _never_ know."

"Look here, you son of a bitch!" Matt snarled, stepping forward. _Now_ he shoved Tai out of the way, the brunette stumbling. "Don't you _dare_ talk to Tai like that, or I'll – !"

"You'll what, _fag_?" He glared at the blonde, ignoring Tai completely. He didn't want anything more to do with... _that_ any more.

Matt made a fist. He didn't care that the man was taller than him, older than him, more important than him. He wasn't going to let anyone say those terrible things to his friend and get away with it, not matter who they were. He drew back, stopping as the smell of smoke settled over him and a heavy hand clasped his shoulder.

"Is there a problem here?" Malcolm asked, as though just approaching the scene. He dropped his cigarette and stamped it out carefully on the "Welcome" rug. He could feel Matt shaking under his hand and tightened his grip. There was no need to get the police involved.

"Is this your _fairy_ here about to assault me?" Susumu asked, looking like he'd just stepped in something.

"My son was going to do nothing of the sort," Malcolm replied, just as calm as he'd been, as though the man wasn't making his blood boil and his skin crawl. " _Weren't you_ , Matt?"

The blonde jerked out of his grasp, but stayed where he was, between Susumu and Tai. The brunette was leaning heavily against the wall, unable to look up from his feet. "I'll protect my friend, no matter what I have to do."

Susumu looked about ready to say something, but Malcolm refused to hear it. "We're here for Tai's belongings, then we'll be on our way."

"That thing _has_ no belongings. Everything it owned _I_ bought, and I've already tossed it in the trash." He gave a disgustingly proud smirk. "Pickup was at five this morning, but you might be able to see if they forgot a bag."

Malcolm was about to let Matt go, or even put his old Navy training to good use, and damn the consequences - the Ishida name was already familiar enough at the police station, but Susumu slammed the door shut and the sound of the security bolt was drowned out by Tai collapsing finally, trying to hold his head in shaking hands.

"Heh... heh, heh..." Was that laughing or sobbing?

"Tai...?" Malcolm called softly, trying to keep the rage from his voice. He didn't need the boy to think he was mad at _him_.

The brunette looked up with glassy eyes and dry cheeks. He was making an expression that would have been a smile if it were on a madman. "I-I have a five page essay due on Monday," he said in a cracking voice. "All I can think i-is that, damn, I'm going t-to have to redo it in, in, in, like, a day."

Matt reached down to try and help him stand, feeling Tai shuddering under his touch like a boiling kettle. He was hauled to his feet and he bounced as though his normal, energetic self.

"That's all I c-can think about," Tai continued to say. "Is that damn paper. I've never remembered an a-assignment so well in my life. It's a f-five page paper. On Alexander the Great. About all the n-nations he conquered. It's due Monday, a-and I knew I had a date on Sunday, s-so I got it done early. I was so proud, I-I didn't even need to ask Iz for help on it." He blinked, as though realizing he wasn't alone. He was still shaking. "And now I don't remember a damn thing I wrote. I-I don't even remember the title of it."

Matt put his arm around Tai's shoulders and lead him to the elevator, Malcolm following close behind as though to block the boys from the apartment behind them. The brunette looked at the two men, not recognizing them. His mind was filled with the thought of that essay, and what he could have possibly put to fill five pages.


	6. Chapter 6

_But what am I gonna say_

_When you make me feel this way_

_I just mmm..._

* * *

May 2004:

By the time they reached the all-male complex, Tai had stopped shaking. He'd also stopped talking, thinking, almost breathing. He was slumped against the passenger side window and if the door didn't constantly stick, he probably would have tumbled out onto the highway long ago. Matt was sitting behind him, one hand on his shoulder, exchanging worried looks with his father in the rear-view mirror. He wasn't used to his friend looking so defeated.

"Matt, you help him get upstairs and put him to bed," Malcolm said, parking the van. "I'll talk with Miss. Mitsu about our arrangement."

Matt didn't like the way his father phrased that. Arrangement. Like this was something that could be dealt with overnight. He didn't say a word as he helped his friend remember what walking was, half-dragging him toward the elevator. Tai was just as silent, and it was terrifying. At least he'd stopped mumbling about his paper.

"C'mon, man," Matt encouraged as the elevator slowed, opening to his floor. "We're almost there."

"Tai?" came a soft, sudden, scared voice. Matt looked up, and bit his lip. Kari was standing right outside his door, holding her backpack tightly in her hands. Would more family really be the best thing right now?

But the brunette finally shifted, blinking and trying to remember who the red-eyed girl on the stoop was.

"Oh, Tai," Kari sobbed. She looked like she hadn't stopped crying yet. "I'm so, so, _so_ sorry! You know I never -! That I didn't think -!"

Tai stood on his own for the first time in an hour, stepping unsteadily forward as Kari flew into him, almost knocking them both over. She sobbed loudly into his chest and Matt distantly wondered what the neighbors were thinking. It's not like the walls kept out noise or anything.

With his sister keening loudly into him, Tai wrapped her in a hug, nuzzling into her hair and making soft noises that had always calmed her when she was a sickly baby. He still couldn't comprehend anything other than the present moment, and right now his sister needed him more than he needed to wallow in self-pity.

"S'ok, don't cry." Kari. That was her name. "Shush, Kari." He rubbed her back as though she was the one who couldn't feel.

"Let's go inside," Matt said, unlocking his door. "We don't need everyone out here getting into our business." At least if they were inside, the neighbors tended to politely tune them out.

The dining room chairs were uncomfortable, but Matt was used to them, and Tai and Kari didn't even seem to care as they huddled together. The poor girl was still sobbing apologies, and Tai was even attempting to smile comfortingly at her. As though if he could cheer her up, everything would be ok again.

"I've never seen Daddy so mad," she said hushedly into her hands. She couldn't look her brother in the eye. "He didn't stop screaming after you left. Mom kept telling him to calm down, that he was already taking medicine for his heart, but he just yelled at her too. He was saying all this stuff – awful things about you, Tai. Like he... like he didn't even know you. Like you're gay and suddenly you're from Mars or something.

"Mom tried to tell him he was being terrible, that he was acting like a monster but he... he..." Kari chocked back a fresh batch of sobs. "He just whirled around and hit her, right across the face. She stood there for a moment, and Daddy stopped yelling. Then Mom said she was leaving, and she grabbed me and we went to Grandma's to spend the night. We got back about twenty minutes ago, and when Mom asked if you'd come back, Daddy said you were with Matt." She didn't want to use the same words he had, though she would never forget them. "So I took off. I ran all the way here and I waited for you..."

"Are _you_ going to be ok, Kari?" Matt asked. He knew what the answer would be if he asked Tai.

The young girl nodded sadly. "I think so... Here," she reached down for her backpack, "before we left last night, I grabbed a few things."

She emptied it onto the table. A few Manga, his wallet, that damned World History paper, two shirts and three socks, a cell phone charger and orange earbuds scattered. They were the only things that remained of Tai's life. He surveyed the few items as he took a shaking breath and Kari looked away. "It was all I could get before Mom dragged me out of there."

"This is... it?" Tai's voice was soft, a volume that didn't quite suit him.

"A-and this, too." Kari stood and unclipped a small silver device from her belt and held it out. Her brother took it and, for the first time, smiled. Despite what little remained on the table, this would be all he needed. "I knew you would need it. I still do."

Tai gripped his Digivice tightly, feeling the familiar warmth in his chest. Just because the machine was silent now, it didn't mean he still couldn't use its powers on himself. He thought back to the orange dinosaur, hearing his final words again, _"Don't let anyone push you around. You're my Tamer and we'll never be defeated, even if we're apart."_

"It'll be ok, Kari," he said suddenly, and the others looked up at him. That emptiness was gone from his eyes, replaced by a fire. "I'll get through this, no matter what Dad thinks. As long as I have you guys."

"We'd never turn you away," Matt said, and he meant it.

"Thanks, man." Tai stood and clipped the Digivice to his belt, its familiar weight reassuring. He reached out to smooth down Kari's hair. "I'm sure Mom's worried sick about you – did you even tell her were you went?"

His sister shook her head, "I was worried about you, so I just kind of took off."

"Well you know I'm safe now," Tai hugged her and she squeezed the breath from his lungs. "Go home. Get some rest, ok?"

"I'll see you soon," Kari promised as Tai shooed her out the door. She almost bumped into Malcolm, bowing an apology as she headed to the elevator.

"Is everything ok with your sister?" the man asked, walking in. He wasn't sure about taking in another refugee.

"She'll be fine," Tai assured. "Mom and Dad still love _her_." He didn't mean for it to come out so bluntly.

Malcolm surveyed the few items on the table and sighed, seating himself where Kari had just been. "I spoke with Miss. Mitsu, she's the owner of this complex," he explained. "I told her what was going on, that you got kicked out and that you need a place to stay for a while. Under our contract here, we're only allowed visitors for up to a week -"

"That's bullshit!" Matt snapped.

" _But_ ," Malcolm continued, giving his son a pointed look. "She was willing to grant us an extension before she's required to increase our rent. Tai, you have a month here with us."

"A month? Dad, come on!" Matt was pleading now. "I'll get a job, and find more gigs to help cover the extra rent."

"Not only that, but the square footage in this apartment is only legally zoned for two people. We'd have to move to another room to allow Tai to stay."

"What about school?" Matt clenched his fists, and bit his lip. He didn't need to be the second one going numb. "We have finals coming up, and then there's next year! How can Tai go back to school after the summer's up?"

"We're going to figure this out," Malcolm said with a certain confidence. He smiled as best he could at the brunette, who was quietly holding his Digivice. "We're not going to just abandon you, Tai. God knows, after everything you've done for this world, it owes you. So we'll use this month to get you set up."

"I, I appreciate it." The fire was dimmed, but not extinguished.

* * *

The next few days passed in a blur. Tai spoke with Miss. Mitsu, who was very sweet and told him she hated what she had to do, and one night Matt scrounged up some extra money to find a couch at the thrift store down the street. It was a pain, but the two boys carted the ratty thing all the way up to the apartment, setting it down with a _whump_ that made the neighbor below them bang on the ceiling and yell. They ignored him as Matt shifted around what little furniture there was until everything fit nicely.

"This'll be a lot nicer than the futon," Tai laughed, collapsing into the squishy cushions. "Hell, it's softer than your damn bed."

"You just don't know how to avoid the springs," Matt joked, grabbing his book bag and tossing it at the brunette. "Now come on, let's review algebra."

Tai could only thank God for finals coming up. It was actually a pleasant distraction from the ache in his chest, being able to bury himself in facts and figures. Even Izzy wasn't asking to come over too often, as he was spending all his free time studying for his own tests. Tai felt bad for his boyfriend, as he'd been blowing him off since the incident. Avoiding his texts, keeping his phone off so as not to receive any calls. He just wasn't sure what to say, how to explain. He should have taken the boy's words to heart and planned how to come out instead of leaping in head first like usual. He'd even canceled their date on Sunday, using the excuse that he needed to study.

"You're going to have to talk to him," Matt said, chewing his pen. He was never good at math. "What are you going to do about this summer?"

"I don't want to think about it," Tai grumbled, scratching out another equation. "It would be easier to tell him, but I don't want him to think it's his fault." He shook his head. "But whatever, me and your dad'll get everything worked out in a few days, then he won't have to know. Right?"

Matt just flipped the page in his study guide.

* * *

June 2004:

It was amazing how easy it was to avoid seeing Izzy. One excuse after another. Soccer Club was still meeting after finals. His mom needed his help with her cooking. He had to give Kari The Talk, what was it, three times by now? He spoke with the redhead every night on the phone, curled on his couch under an old blanket that smelled like the man across the hall. He whispered sweet nothings over and over, reassuring him of their love. And every night, Izzy murmured back with less and less enthusiasm. It hurt Tai, to have to keep up these lies. But he was sure it would hurt more to see the redhead blame himself for the situation.

And as the days passed and his deadline loomed, Tai's stomach began to knot itself. He could feel himself trying to revert back to that numb stage he'd been in and the only thing that kept him sane was the cold weight of his Digivice. If Agumon could see him now, he would be so disappointed. They had never given up when they were together, so why should he when they could never see each other again?

It was late one night, the summer heat still climbing even after the sun had set, when Malcolm came home in a rush. Tai was beginning to feel like Matt was in the same boat as him sometimes, no parent around until very late at night or early in the morning, only to vanish with the first light of day.

The blonde was just about to cover the plate usually set aside when he looked up, surprised. "Dad, what's up?"

Malcolm kicked his shoes off haphazardly, almost running across the small apartment. He threw a folder on the table and sat down heavily. "Tai, I've been talking to some of the guys at the station, and Ahari just so happened to give me this, this morning."

Tai opened the folder, carefully reading the words. He hadn't been too hungry before, and now he felt in too much shock to eat. "A scholarship?"

Malcolm nodded. "It's an all-male, public high school in Shibuya, a little expensive, but they have one of the best soccer teams. The best part, though, is that they have dorms, specifically for their athletes. You'd be able to spend your whole high school career there, even the summers."

"But Dad," Matt warned, sitting at the table. Dinner could wait. "We still have a year of middle school left."

"That's why I left at lunch," Malcolm continued. "I went to this school, Tatsumi High, and I spoke with the director. He said he would allow Tai to take an aptitude test to see if he can qualify academically."

"R... Really?!" Tai was amazed. He remembered Izzy complaining one day about how hard it was to skip a grade, and here he was, all set to leap into high school! "Why would he do that?"

"Because he's heard about you." Malcolm smiled with a fatherly pride. "He's seen a few of your games personally, and was hoping to send a recruiter to your next year's matches. He was actually thrilled when I told him you might go, despite your age."

"But school won't start until September," Tai tried. He didn't want to be disappointed, despite the joy bubbling up within him.

"Because of the dorms, sports members get to move in a month early."

Tai could feel himself crying. He wasn't sure why because he wasn't sad. In fact, this was the happiest he'd felt since he'd first kissed Izzy!

What was he going to do about Izzy? It wasn't like Shibuya was _that_ far away, granted, but they'd lived down the street from one another for years! He was sure they'd barely see each other. Not like they were seeing much of each other now, though. Besides, once he was squared away with Tatsumi High, he would be able to explain everything. Izzy wouldn't have to feel bad, because he wasn't homeless – he had a place to stay now! So he would just keep this up until he was accepted, then he could sit his boyfriend down and they'd be happy again.

Tai nodded to himself, leaping to his feet. "I need to get to studying for this test!" He snatched up the folder, finding the study guide hidden behind the application, and locked himself in Matt's room, the quietest one there.

Malcolm continued to smile, even despite his son warning him quietly, "That still leaves Tai with three weeks without anywhere to stay..."

* * *

Tai was glad Izzy's house was on speed dial on his phone as his eyes were beginning to blur. The only reason he'd eaten in the past few days was because Matt had all but forced it down his throat, but he continued to hole up in the blonde's room, cramming in all the knowledge he would need. He'd decided that taking a late-afternoon break would be a good thing, however, which meant calling his boyfriend.

"Izumi residence," came Kae's voice through his speaker and for once, Tai wasn't dreading the next conversation.

"Hi, Mrs. Izumi, it's Tai."

"Oh, Tai, we haven't seen you in a while," Kae said warmly. She'd always been a sweet woman, and Tai missed his own mother. "How have you been?"

"I've been busy. You know, school and helping around the house." He gave a nervous laugh. He hated having to lie. "Is Izzy there?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, but he stepped out about an hour ago. He should be back soon, though." She was genuinely sorry.

"That's fine, Mrs. Izumi. Do you know if he took his cell with him?" That was the other number he had memorized.

"He said it wasn't charging properly. He must be out getting a new cord for it."

"I-I see..." How disappointing. He'd been looking forward to hearing Izzy's voice.

"Do you want me to give him a message?" She sounded like Matt's dad had, knowing something but wanting to hear it from him. What could she possibly have figured out?

"No, it's fine. I'll try and catch him again in a bit, ok? Have a good day, Mrs. Izumi."

"You too, Tai. And don't be such a stranger."

Tai gave a twisted smile as he hung up. He'd been so sure Izzy would have been there, he wasn't in any summer clubs, and he hadn't mentioned going out last night when they'd talked. Then again, he hadn't been mentioning much of anything lately. But that would be fixed soon! His test was next week, and then he would be able to tell Izzy what was going on!

Matt could hear Tai talking through the walls and considered turning up the volume on his game to try and give him a bit of privacy. But if he did that, then he might miss his own cell going off. Joe had promised to call him and let him know his placement exam scores. He leaned back, about to lose himself in bittersweet memories of that world five years ago when there was a sudden pounding on the front door, like whoever was out there was prepared to knock it down.

"Ishida!" the person yelled and it took Matt a moment to place the voice. He'd never heard Izzy so angry. Or loud. "Open this door, now! I need to speak with Tai!"

"What the hell is that?" Tai asked, poking his head out from his commandeered room.

"Sound like a bad time for you," Matt said, not sure if he wanted to open the door.

"I know you're inside, Ishida!" Izzy continued to pound on the door, and Tai swallowed harshly. "I am prepared to remain here until you relinquish Tai!"

"Should... Should we let him in?" the brunette asked cautiously, slinking over to his couch.

"It's your skin," Matt told him. He quietly padded to the door, waiting for a break in the knocking to look out the peephole. Despite the rage in his voice, the short redhead was simply frowning. Then again, he didn't frown much anyway, so this might actually be bad. He glanced over his shoulder at Tai and the other boy shrunk down. He didn't look any more pleased to be there. "Maybe he'll get tired and leave?"

* * *

Matt looked out the peephole once more. Even after almost four hours, Izzy was still there, arms crossed, leaning against the far wall. At least he'd finally stopped yelling and knocking, especially after the neighbor poked his head out to yell at the "damn kids and their fucking around". But the longer he stood, the deeper he frowned, the more he glowered, the more enraged his expression turned. Matt had never seen such a dark look on the redhead's face and, honestly? It was terrifying.

"You did it now, man," Matt said, pulling away from the door. "I think he's gonna kill you when he gets in here."

Tai continued to sit on the couch, pulling his hair out. He'd never heard the boy so upset and wasn't sure what to do. Not even the scar on his chest could give him the strength to face this. "That's why he's out _there_ and I'm in _here_."

"You're going to have to talk to him soon." Otherwise Miss. Mitsu might kick them _all_ out.

"And say what? 'Sorry being with you made me homeless, let's make out'?" Tai groaned into his palms.

"That's what you should have done in the first place," Matt chastised. He checked the peephole again. "Well, at least he's finally gone."

"What?!" Tai was suddenly standing next to him, shoving him out of the way. "Where did he go?"

"I don't know, but this might be your best chance to escape."

* * *

Malcolm sighed wearily. He'd only just managed to leave the station before they asked him to stay until nine, despite getting there at four that morning, and all he wanted to do was go home and collapse in his bed. Hopefully Tai wasn't feeling too loud today.

The elevator dinged and he stepped out, almost knocking over the short redhead who was sadly trying to enter.

"Woah, sorry." He paused a moment to think. "Izzy."

"I apologize," the boy said with a deep bow. "I should have been paying attention."

"Don't worry about it." He yawned. "It's getting late out, do you have a ride home?" Izzy shook his head. "Why don't you come inside and have dinner, then I'll take you home."

Izzy have him an oddly calculated look before nodding. "I would appreciate it, Mr. Ishida."

Such a polite boy. He would be a wonderful influence on Tai. It wasn't too far from the elevator to his door and he unlocked it with a yawn.

"Dad, no!" He heard his son yelp as Izzy pushed past him into the apartment. Tai was huddled on the couch, looking like a bull elephant was charging him instead of his short boyfriend.

"Tai, what are you doing here?" Izzy cried. His voice was tired from yelling earlier, unused to being used so harshly.

"Izzy, you're not supposed to be here!" Tai was barely peeking over the top of the couch.

"Damnit, Dad!" Matt stepped aside, not wanting to get between the two.

"What did _I_ do?" Malcolm was starting to wish he _had_ stayed late.

"I told you not to let Izzy in here!" Matt yelled.

"When? I haven't seen -"

_Bing!_

Malcolm pulled out his cell phone, reading the brand new text. "Dad, Izzy's pissed at Tai, don't let him in."

"I sent that two hours ago! You seriously need a new phone." His son sighed and grabbed him by the arm. "Let's go then. They need to talk."

Malcolm sputtered as he was dragged out of his own apartment. He hadn't even taken his shoes off yet!

Izzy glared at Tai, standing over him, and the brunette glared at the TV, the floor, _anything_ but the other boy.

"Why are you here?" Izzy asked when he was sure they were alone. He hoped his boyfriend would take the out.

"Don't make me say it," Tai muttered. "You have to know if you're here."

Izzy walked around, sitting next to Tai on the couch. He bit his lip and frowned. His anger was swiftly melting into worry. "… Are you having an affair?"

"What?! No way!" Tai finally looked Izzy in the eye. "How could you think that?!"

"What else am I supposed to think? Summer vacation starts and suddenly I'm not allowed to visit you anymore. You spend all your time here, with Matt, and I only ever get calls at night." Izzy glared, ignoring the haze that was building behind his eyes. "And I had to find out from _Kari_ that you are no longer living with your parents."

Tai made a face, grumbling to himself, "Damnit, Kari. You really need to learn when to shut up."

"Don't you dare try and change the subject." Izzy didn't want to ask this, but he had to know. "Are we still together, or is this it?"

"Izzy..." Tai took him by the hand and kissed his knuckles. He redhead pouted. It was completely unfair how easily that worked on him. "I wouldn't give you up for anything in this world."

"Then why are you keeping secrets? Do you not trust me?"

"I just... never wanted to hurt you." Tai fell back against the couch, still holding Izzy's hand. His fingers were rubbing numbing trails over his palm.

"It hurts more when you don't say anything. I can not and _will_ not be in a relationship without trust and honesty." Izzy reluctantly withdrew his hand, placing it in his lap. "Is there something you want to tell me now, or should I leave you to Matt?"

Tai chewed his tongue, blinking through the hot tears filling his eyes. He'd never been this scared of anything in his life. How was it that one simple person could so terrify him and simultaneously elate him?

"Izzy, I..." He took a shaking breath. He hadn't been this upset in a while. "I got outed to my folks. My dad kicked me out of the house. I came to stay with Matt for a while, but I'm just going to have to get tossed out in a few days and I have nowhere to go until school starts in August, if I even get accepted." He roughly wiped his eyes, hating how he cried over something that could be so simply stated.

"Why did you not come to me?" Damn Izzy and his serenity. How could he sound so calm? Tai glanced over, seeing the same tears falling down the redhead's cheeks.

"It didn't feel... appropriate. We'd barely been together, what, about two months?"

Izzy shook his head. "But we've been friends for years before that. Just because we're dating now, it doesn't change that friendship."

Tai chewed his tongue, feeling particularly stupid. "You're right, you always are." He hesitated for just a moment before leaning in and kissing Izzy. He was glad when he met no resistance. "So what does this mean, now?"

"It means," Izzy started, wrapping his arms around Tai's shoulders as his boyfriend apologized over and over with short, quick kisses all over his cheeks, "that you're going to tell me what happened – _everything_ – and we're going to make a plan. Together."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Strong homophobic language use in this chapter.

_And it starts in my toes_

_Makes me crinkle my nose_

* * *

November 2004:

Tai glared at the man in front of him, cursing how stupid he was for trusting him. "Just wanted to talk", yeah right. The other boy, three years his senior, was practically gloating, watching the brunette struggle. The people he called his friends held Tai's arms down with all their strength, amazed at how much they'd had to fight to keep him still.

"Looks like Mr. Scholarship here thinks he's too good to eat lunch with the rest of us," the boy laughed, dramatically running a hand through wavy black hair. His silver eyes shimmered as he grinned. "Well, we can't let him keep thinking that, now can we?"

The other two boys laughed like the good little lackeys they were and Tai barked, "Cut it out, Eiri! You're not going to get me in trouble again!"

"I wouldn't _dream_ about going in front of the principal again, Tai," Eiri said with a faux hurt in his voice. "I told you earlier, I just wanted to sit down with you and be your friend."

"My ass," Tai growled. He'd never fought anyone three on one before, and he would have been overpowered quickly even if he hadn't sworn to not fight anymore.

"Such language," Eiri crooned as he shifted his weight. It had rained the night before, so the soccer field was damp, the ground soft. "I'm sure Coach Toriyumi wouldn't want his _star player_ sounding like a brash nobody."

"It's not my fault you suck more than me," Tai snapped and realized too late it was the wrong thing to say. Eiri yelled and Tai was thrown to the ground, he tried to twist away, but Eiri was suddenly on top of him, straddling his chest with his legs and pinning his arms to his sides. The other two boys held down his legs, and Tai clenched his teeth shut. He knew what was coming next.

"You little _ass fucker_!" Eiri screamed. "How could a fucking fairy be better than me – _me!_ " He reached out to grab a handful of mud and pinched Tai's nose shut with the other. "My father practically _built_ this field! Do you know how much money we had to donate?!"

Tai gasped for breath and Eiri shoved the mud into his mouth, delighting in the way the brunette gagged and sputtered.

"That a little faggot like you can just up and waltz in here on borrowed money and be fucking _better_ than me is a Goddamn joke!" Another handful of dirt was shoved in Tai's mouth and he managed to kick one of Eiri's goons off him, almost catching him in the face before he was restrained again. "And now you think you're _better_ than me? You think you're _too_ _good_ to eat lunch with the rest of us?! I'll fucking show you!"

Tai clawed into the ground as clump after clump was forced into his mouth. He spit and gagged and tried to bite Eiri but it was useless. His fingertips found a rock, and he grabbed it, flailing as best he could with a nearly-immobile hand. He felt the rock, his knuckles really, catch on something soft and squishy and there was a yelp. Once more his leg was freed and he kicked desperately, the other boy letting go in shock. Eiri was leaning over, trying to grab a particularly thick glop of clay and Tai's thrashing sent him tumbling. Once more, Tai brought the rock down on the closest moving thing to him, almost crushing someone's hand and he rolled over onto his hands and knees, coughing and heaving.

"You smug son of a bitch!" Eiri shrieked. It was his hand that had been hit. "Just you wait! I'll go to the director over this!"

"Better wash the mud out of your shirt, then," Tai groaned, shaking. "Otherwise it's a fight, not assault."

To his credit, Eiri didn't scream. He just drew back his foot and kicked Tai in the side as hard as he could. "Kyo, Nanase! Let's get out of here. We don't need to be caught on the field after school hours."

Tai held his side, watching the boy and his partners saunter back into the school. He pushed himself up, sitting back on his sore ankles with a disgusted groan. He reached up with a shaking hand and opened his mouth, pressing his fingertip against the back of his tongue.

He forced himself to vomit, over and over, until he was certain that every last handful of dirt had been expelled from his stomach. He felt dirty and disgusting, and he knew that his wallet only had enough money to use the washer. Even if he hung it up outside, with this muggy early-winter weather, his only school uniform wouldn't be fully dry for two days. The only thing he could be grateful for was that Sunday was an official match between his school and Aimura High, and the whole team was encouraged to wear their soccer uniforms all day tomorrow to boost team morale.

Tai groaned, struggling to his feet. The gray skies above him looked as miserable as he felt, and he cursed the school director for lying to Malcolm.

It wasn't _really_ a lie, Tai refused to acknowledge. Tatsumi High _was_ known for their soccer team being the best. However, that was before Eiri Gintama bought his way onto the team the two years ago. Due to his money and his father's influence, the coach had been forced to put him center stage of all their matches both years, and they'd lost every one of them. The boy had no respect for anyone or anything but his own wallet, and he made sure the whole team knew it. The others had just let him be, tired of the arguments, the whining, the threatening calls from their biggest financial contributor, and the school's status began to sink. That was why the school director, Mr. Nagisa, had been scouting Tai. Not only had he seen the boy's skill, but his enthusiasm and infectious personality would certainly rally the once-proud team against a bratty rich kid.

The day of the team trials, with Tai's application all set and ready to go with the Coach's stamp of approval, the brunette hadn't known any of that. He did his best, almost overexerting himself, and ran circles around who he thought was just another kid trying out. He'd listened to the current members cheer him on, for the first time in a long time feeling like they would be able to regain their fame, and even the coach had given him a certain nod that let him know he was going to be on top.

That night, after exploring the eerily quiet school along with the three other new athletic students who were moving in, he'd retired to the dorms. It was more like a small apartment building, with a long hallway that wrapped around the side of the building. Each room housed four boys, all together in one massive room, with a single bathroom to be split between them. Each bed was plain, starchy sheets tucked into hospital corners and a wooden trunk sat at each foot, empty and ready to hold uniforms.

Except for Tai's.

He hadn't realized that the boy he'd unintentionally humiliated was his roommate, nor that the only two willing to hang around with him had bullied their way into switching places with his proper roommates. So when he found his bed, the sheets had been shredded with a kitchen shears that were now buried to the hilt in his wooden trunk which, thankfully, hadn't been filled with his clothes yet.

"What the fuck?!" Tai yelped and the young man had only smiled at him.

"I don't know who told you what goes on at this school," he had said calmly, "but they obviously forgot to mention that _I_ am the star player. And as such, I will not be humiliated in front of my teammates by anyone, much less a _child_ on a scholarship."

Tai was glad he wasn't the same reckless kid he used to be, otherwise he would have thrown a punch. He turned and began to walk out of the room, the two other boys running in front of him to stop him. The one named Kyo was tall and thin, almost taller than Joe, with dark hair and green eyes, and the other, Nanase, was not much shorter than Tai with light brown hair and black eyes.

"Where are you going?" Eiri had snarled. "Going to tattle on me like the little baby you are?"

"I'm going to inform the coach that I have a maniacal scissor-wielder living with me," Tai had said evenly, resisting the urge to start wailing on Eiri. But Kyo and Nanase hadn't moved.

"Well, I guess you could," Eiri said, his now usual flair for the dramatic showing. "But I wonder who they'll believe? The new kid who just showed up today, who looks like some little punk with wannabe-gangster hair? Or me, son of Mikoto Gintama, the largest financial contributor to this school and last year's ace striker, not to mention top of the class in all subjects?"

Tai growled and suddenly Kyo and Nanase had leapt on him, pinning his arms to his sides as though knowing he was going to attack.

"Uh, uh," Eiri said with a condescending waggle of his finger, "we don't need a fight on your record before school even starts, now do we? Just know, little baby," the boy grinned, silver eyes sparkling maliciously, "I have this whole school in my back pocket. Don't think I can't get rid of you if I wanted to."

Tai was shaking as he was released and Eiri dismissed him with a flippant wave of his wrist. "Now, go along, and tell Coach Toriyumi that it looks like a rat got hold of your bedding."

"Yeah," Tai growled, trying to still his fists. "I see three giant rats who could have done it..."

A cold gust of winter air brought Tai back to the present and he hurried inside the dorms. After a fight like that, Eiri would usually seek out anyone who would listen and complain about being brutalized by an "uncouth thug" who was obviously only after one thing from him. At least he was usually out of the dorm the rest of the night, and Tai quickly pulled out a ratty shirt with a large tear down the side and a pair of Matt's pants he'd accidentally packed instead of his own. He spun the combination lock, ignoring the lingering stench of bleach from last month, and switched his clothes. He was still muddy himself, but that would be fixed with a quick freezing shower, as Kyo or Nanase had surely left the hot water running all day.

He looked in his wallet, fishing out the last few 100¥ coins he had left. His scholarship allotted him ten thousand yen a month for things such as school supplies and food, but most of it ended up going to replacement uniforms (like when Eiri had dumped a bottle of bleach in his trunk before classes last month) or new books (Kyo had a habit of waking up in the middle of the night to start shredding as much paper as he could find out of Tai's bag) or reparations to the school for replacement bedding (Nanase's shears had yet to be discovered by any of the teachers, and Tai had stopped trying to find them). It was why he hadn't eaten lunch at all that day, he simply didn't have the money by the end of the month, not until his next check came in.

He wished that this wasn't a game weekend, as then he would have been able to go to Izzy's and pretend that the _only_ reason he ate so much was because Kae's cooking was so wonderful. But he had slowly gotten used to what would be the schedule for his full four years of high school. Soccer Club met Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, he was required to take an Art club on Tuesdays, Saturday he spent in the library with his classmates in a science lab, and every other Sunday was a new soccer match between them and another school in the prefecture. The only time he had to himself was Thursdays, which were usually spent hiding from Eiri and his goons so as not to start a fight, and every other Sunday when he scraped together his change and took the hour-long bus ride to Odaiba to see Izzy.

He had just thrown his clothes in the washing machine and set it to start, reaching up to pull a clump of grass out of his hair, when a heavy hand fell on his shoulder.

"Kamiya? You ok?"

Tai looked up into the concerned eyes of his coach and Math teacher, Ito Toriyumi. He swallowed hard and remembered Eiri's words. If he was found out to be in a fight again...

"Y-yeah," Tai laughed. "Just slipped outside in a puddle, you know how slippery it can get out there on the field."

Toriyumi continued to look at Tai, waiting for more, but the brunette bit his lip. If Eiri hadn't gone to the teachers to weave a tale of assault, physical and sexual, than Tai wasn't about to open the floodgates. The older man waited a moment longer before sighing and turning away. Tai listened to him, hoping he would leave soon before Eiri showed up and decided better late than never, and so he heard when Toriyumi paused.

"These dryers," he said conversationally, "they tend to just eat my coins. Stupid things need to be replaced soon, I'm sure." There was the clattering of change on metal, and Toriyumi quickly stepped into the hallway.

Tai hesitated for a moment, just to be sure the man wasn't about to come back, before reaching over and snatching the handful of coins that had been abandoned. He wished he could have trusted the man who seemed genuinely concerned about him, but there was no way one teacher and one student could go against Eiri and all his monetary support without any proof. Not again, at least.

It was over a month into the semester, and Tai already had to buy his third phone charger. All his other ones kept getting cut in half in the middle of the night. Eiri, Kyo, and Nanase were off doing God knew what, possibly torturing one of the other freshman on another sports club, and Tai was curled up on his bed, happily talking to Izzy.

"I barely have enough time to _think_ ," he'd laughed. "Let alone call any of you guys. I'm glad you helped me cram this summer, though. We're going over a bunch of shit in Organic Chem that I've never even _heard_ of except those little note cards I made."

"It's only going to get harder from here on out," Izzy told him with that warmth that told Tai he was just as comfortable on his own bed. "Perhaps this weekend we should actually _study_ instead of just telling my parents that."

"Hey, now, we studied," Tai laughed. They had spent last weekend together making out and exploring with hesitant, loving touches. "It was just Anatomy instead of English."

He could practically _hear_ Izzy blushing on the other end, and that only made Tai laugh harder.

"Besides, I promised I'd take you to see that crappy Steel Vaginas movie, or whatever."

Izzy sighed, "It's Winter's Promise, and you know I only want to see it because Mimi has a cameo in it."

Tai had spared a thought to the pink-loving girl who had quickly risen to the top of the pop idol scene after a summer-long tour with The Teenage Wolves landed her a contract. She was on top of the world right now, and everywhere he looked, he saw her warm face advertising something or another.

"It's still a dumb chick flick," Tai decided with a smile.

"And afterward," Izzy pressed, "I thought we could come home and order a pizza... My parents will be out all weekend, you know."

Tai laughed and, once again, he could feel the heat radiating off Izzy's cheeks through the phone. "Matt was right, it's the quiet ones you need to look out for!" He gave a sly grin. "Who knew that a guy who looked at all those tits in the Digital World would end up liking some guy like me, huh?"

"I do not appreciate the direction this conversation has taken," Izzy stated formally and Tai continued to snicker. Izzy could pretend to be mad all he wanted, it didn't change the fact that it was true. "I look forward to your visit next week."

"Tell your folks bye for me," Tai had laughed as Izzy had hung up. As much fun as it was to tease his boyfriend, he'd have to bring him a present in apology. Perhaps a new USB drive?

He was just hanging up, checking to make sure his charger was still in one piece, when Eiri had walked in. He didn't say anything to Tai, only smiled and flopped back on his bed. The brunette felt his good mood immediately evaporate and he glowered.

"What's got you so happy, Eiri?"

"Oh, nothing," he gloated, and Tai worried. "I just had a little birdie tell me something very... funny."

One-on-one, Tai was sure he could wipe the smug look off Eiri face, but just as he shifted to get out of bed, Kyo and Nanase scampered inside the dorm just as the lights were cut off, the speaker announcing loudly, "Ten P.M., lights out! All students caught outside their rooms past curfew will be punished."

In the darkness, Tai could barely see Eiri with his goons huddled together around his bed. He couldn't hear what they were planning, and he knew he wouldn't like it.

That Sunday was a game day, warm and sunny for the end of summer. The sky was bright and blue and Tai felt like he was on top of the world as he ducked and weaved. Rumors were starting to spread about Tatsumi High's Soccer Club again, that they would be the ones to win it all this year now that Eiri wasn't hogging the spotlight. The wavy haired boy, terrifyingly enough, didn't seem to mind the whispers, even going so far as to congratulate Tai after scoring an impressive goal.

"Thanks, I think," Tai had replied with a smile. Maybe he was finally starting to realize that he wasn't the center of the universe?

It was at the end of the game, Tai was running the ball across the field. If he made this goal, they were certain to win once more! The other boy from Akami High was struggling to keep up with Tai's speed and stamina, and the only one that was near him was Eiri, huffing and puffing heavily in Tai's ear.

"You're pretty fast," Eiri had told him, redfaced. "It's must be those _fairy_ wings of yours."

Tai had stumbled, just barely. He almost lost control of the ball, but brought it back quickly. "What?!"

"Want to impress your butt buddy in the stands, hm?" Eiri hissed, out of breath. "Otherwise, how else could a _fag_ like you be so damn good?"

The ball rolled off on its own as Tai grabbed Eiri by the collar of his jersey. He tripped over his own feet, only able to see red as he flung the other boy to the ground. He was aware of the sound of the referee's whistle screaming, the coaches hollering, the crowds shouting. But the only noise he could actually _hear_ was Eiri laughing as he was punched, over and over.

Tai was yelling inarticulately, snarling as both Coach Toriyumi and even the Akami High coach dragged him off the other boy, who was now sobbing pathetically, saying he'd done nothing wrong but congratulate the jealous brunette. Tai struggled desperately, filled with nearly murderous rage. He didn't care that he'd been insulted, he'd heard enough of that out of his father.

He was pissed that Eiri had been belittling Izzy.

The game had been cut short, Akemi High being given the win by default, and Tai had been marched into the principal's office. He was no longer raging, but now sullen and smoldering. Toriyumi stood between Tai and Eiri, one hand on each of their shoulders, and Eiri cried what was supposed to be crocodile tears. But Tai was glad to see the genuine pain in his expression.

"It was so sudden, Mr. Ruki," Eiri sobbed. His hands shook as he rubbed his bloody nose too roughly so as to make his eyes water. "I was beside Tai, and I told him he was doing great. But he just told me I was a, a..." He gave an overly dramatic sob that made even Toriyumi's eyes roll. "Jealous has-been. He said I would never be as good as him and then he said certain... things about parts of my body..."

"That's bullcrap!" Tai snapped and he felt Toriyumi's grip on his shoulder tighten. "He was making fun of my boyfriend – calling him all kinds of shit!"

Eiri flinched away, cowering theatrically. "Do you see, Mr. Ruki?"

"Kamiya!" the principal snapped, and Tai hung his head. "You know that assault of another student is against school rules and subject to possible revocation of your scholarship and even expulsion, correct?"

"Yes, sir," Tai admitted, bowing his head in shame. How could he ever face Matt and his father again? Malcolm had worked so hard, put his own reputation on the line for Tai's benefit. "I understand..."

"Now, let me see here..." Mr. Ruki looked at the two boys before him. "What do you suggest, Ito? He _was_ under your supervision after all."

"As much as I hate to do this," Toriyumi began with a heavy sigh, and Tai wondered where he would go now that he couldn't even go to school. "I say suspension from all Club activities for two weeks, as well as Beautification duties for the next four Sundays – to take care of the field he so disgraced."

Eiri sputtered, no longer moving as stiffly as he had been pretending, and even Tai had looked up sharply as the principal nodded.

"That sounds appropriate." He held up a hand to still any of Eiri's objections. "Just know, young man, if I even get a _hint_ of a _whisper_ that you've assaulted someone again, I will not be so lenient. The next time you hurt someone, I'll toss you out of these gates without a second thought, do you understand?"

"Y-Yes, sir!"

Mr. Ruki had smiled, leaning back in his chair. "You are dismissed, Mr. Gintama. Mr. Kamiya, I believe today is Sunday, so you will accompany Coach Toriyumi to the field for beautification instructions."

As Tai moved his clothes to the dryer, he remembered that Eiri had been shaking with rage, though he tried to hide it as pain when Toriyumi had walked by. Tai had been elated, he'd been given a second chance and he wasn't going to waste it. Even having to give up seeing Izzy for a month didn't quite seem too bad.

But then Eiri had gotten worse.

The name calling wasn't so bad, he could easily tune that out. Whenever the trio talked about Izzy, he would just close his eyes and think of how hard everyone worked for him and that seemed to work. The destruction of his property could be deterred, usually with stronger locks and fewer possessions, and even his bedding wasn't _too_ expensive to replace.

It was when he was alone, however, when it was the hardest. Always with Kyo or Nanase keeping watch, or a younger kid threatened into it, Eiri found new and painful ways to beat and torture that didn't leave marks. The only thing that other boy wanted was for Tai to throw the first punch, to show off the bruises with pride, and Tai refused to let it happen. Eiri only had two more years of school. Tai could make it. He had to.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Very mild gore in this chapter.

_Wherever it goes_

_I always know_

_That you make me smile_

_Please stay for a while_

_Now just take your time_

_Wherever you go_

* * *

April 2005:

Tai snored, sprawled across the couch and most of Izzy's lap. The redhead was absently running his fingers through his hair, still amazed at how soft it was. Tai had come over that morning, eagerly crowing about how their date that day was going to go, but the moment he relaxed on the couch, he'd passed out. Izzy could see the bags building up under those eyes that were losing their sparkle, and every time he pressed, Tai would tell him something different.

Soccer Club was pushing him too hard that week.

He hadn't been able to sleep with noisy roommates.

The teachers were coming down hard on him for not knowing the material that well.

Izzy knew his boyfriend wasn't lying to him, Tai had sworn to be open and honest, but he could tell it wasn't the whole truth. And to him, that was almost as bad as lying. But Tai looked like he needed him so badly lately, that Izzy wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to press the issue, to force Tai to tell him what was going on, but they only had so much time together, and if the perils of the Digital World had taught them anything, there was no telling what could happen to end that time permanently.

"Oh, Izzy, I didn't know you were still home," his mother said, walking in through the door and bringing the scent of spring in with her. "I thought you would be out on your date."

Izzy turned to look over his shoulder and pressed a finger to his lips. Kae tiptoed into the living room, smiling at the precious sight of her son trapped under the taller boy.

"Is he ok?" she whispered.

"He says he is," Izzy informed her just as quietly, and Kae understood. He was incredibly worried.

"He will be as long as he has you," Kae assured her son, leaning over to give him a quick hug.

Tai snorted at the sudden presence, the sweet smell of lilac perfume filling his nose and he shifted in Izzy's lap, blinking wearily. "Mrs. Izumi? What time is it?"

Kae looked at the clock in the hallway as Tai yawned and nuzzled Izzy's cheek. "It's almost five-thirty."

"W-what?" Tai sat up, shook the sleep from his head, and frowned at his boyfriend. "Why didn't you wake me up, man? We were supposed to go do shi-, uh, stuff together." He didn't like to curse in front of Kae. She was just too sweet. He looked at his watch, calculating the time and his money. "The last bus to Shibuya leaves in an hour..." If he didn't catch that one, he would have to make two transfers and he didn't have the cash for those lines.

"How about this," Kae offered as Izzy kicked the feeling back into his tingling legs. "Why don't you stay here for dinner, and when Masami gets home, we'll drive you back to your school? Your curfew is at nine tonight, isn't it?"

Tai smiled and blushed. "You don't have to go out of your way, Mrs. Izumi," he began.

"Nonsense," Izzy said, coming to his mother's aid. "Since I allowed you to sleep through our lunch date, it is only fair that I allow you to stay for dinner."

Tai's stomach gave a traitorous rumble and he laughed, finally sounding like he used to before he'd entered high school. "Well, I can't say no now."

"All right then, you boys go on and I'll start cooking." Kae shooed the two into Izzy's room with a smile. She knew he would be able to work everything out between them.

"Man, your mom's awesome," Tai said, flopping backwards on the bed. He wanted to call out and have Izzy join him for some fun, but his boyfriend had a strict not-while-parents-are-home policy. "Genki, one of my teammates, is always telling me that his mom would kick his ass if he had a girlfriend over."

"There are several differences between us and conventional couples," Izzy said, seating himself at his desk. He missed Tentomon, as he always did whenever he looked to his screen, and he was glad he had Tai to alleviate some of the loneliness. "But I am glad that Mom decided to allow us some privacy."

"What's up?" Tai turned his head, not bothering to sit up. "You're doing that formal crap like you're mad at me."

"I have several inquiries to which I must have your assurance that you will give me the answers with the utmost honesty and fullness."

"Iz, you're talking like a damn thesaurus again," Tai laughed uneasily. He hated when Izzy was so formal. "Just spit it out, man."

Izzy paused, wondering how to word his concerns without sounding accusatory. "For the past few months, you have been rather distracted whenever you visit. You have sounded... unsettled whenever we converse over the phone, and you refuse to speak of what happens at your school."

Tai sat up, shaking his head and trying to keep smiling. "It's just getting close to the end of the school year. The teachers are pushing us, and I'm _still_ playing catch up to cover my last year of middle school. And we've got a big game coming up this weekend – if we win this one we have a championship match in a month, and Coach Toriyumi says it'll be the first time in two years we've made it that far. So I'm just, you know," Tai shrugged, "studying and playing. Like I've been all year."

"Is that all?" Izzy pressed. He hated being left in the dark.

"I've still got a few guys ragging on me about us, but they're just a bunch of assholes anyway." Tai couldn't _not_ tell Izzy about some of the harassment, but he wouldn't let him know about all of it. He smiled and patted the bed next to him. "Now, c'mon, I haven't seen you in two weeks, and I'll be damned if all I get to do is sleep _on_ you."

* * *

Izzy looked out his window, watching his father drive down the street and smiling as Tai waved wildly. Despite their conversation, and their passion, he still worried about his boyfriend. He grabbed his phone and clicked through his contacts, looking for the other person who would be able to help him.

"Izzy? Hey, it's been a while," Matt said and Izzy fought back the worried sigh. After the blonde's break ups, with his band and with Sora, that subtle warmth he'd had to his voice was gone. Now he just tended to sound like he was existing from day to day, like they all had last summer. "How's everything?"

"I was wondering if Tai ever spoke to you recently about his school life," Izzy said, plain and to the point.

"Tai?" Matt hummed an old tune in thought, growling at himself when he realized he was doing it. "Can't say he has. Normally whenever we talk, it's about you or soccer." Izzy hated hearing the jealousy in his voice. He wanted to say something about the one who still loved the blonde, but felt it wasn't his place. They would surely come to terms with their own feelings soon enough. "Why, what's up?"

"Tai has been rather dispirited lately whenever he visits," Izzy said. It would have sounded foolish to anyone else, but Matt knew just how much a bad mood meant when it involved the brunette. "He tells me everything is fine, but I know he still hides information from me sometimes. Without any ill intentions, of course."

"The guy can be just as much of a worry-wart as Joe sometimes, you know," Matt said flippantly. "He just doesn't want you to worry."

"But I _do_ worry." Izzy hated pouting, and he heard Matt snicker at the uncharacteristic whine in his voice. "And since you are his best friend, I was hoping you could speak with him and at least let him _know_ I'm worried."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow," Matt assured. Izzy was still his friend, after all.

"With words, not fists," Izzy specified and Matt laughed.

"I make no promises," the blonde told him, hanging up.

Izzy smiled at the phone heavy in his hand. It would be good for both of them to fight out whatever problems they were having.

* * *

Tai rubbed the grit from his eyes. Kyo had put a rat in Tai's trunk while he'd been at Izzy's, so he'd spent the night washing the smell out of his uniform and repairing the chewed holes. Practice was coming to a close, and even Eiri's attitude couldn't deter the team from feeling optimistic about Sunday's game. Coach Toriyumi had even made a point to congratulate Tai in front of everyone for bringing them so close to the victory they'd missed out on before.

That meant, of course, Eiri had done his best to trip Tai, to whisper jarring insults in passing, to dramatically chase after any slightly wide kick as though it were a common occurrence.

Tai stood by the far bench, taking a long drink and trying to ignore the sudden burst of snickers behind him. Practice was drawing to a close, and he would soon be able to hide away in his room while Eiri complained in the hallways about being snubbed.

' _Speak of the Devil..._ ' Tai thought, seeing the brunette approaching out of the corner of his eye. He wasn't looking like he'd just stepped in something, like he had all practice. Instead, he was on the verge of gloating, a disgustingly proud look curving his lips.

" _What_ , Eiri?" Tai sighed, not bothering to turn to face him. He was physically exhausted from working so hard, and he didn't want to deal with whatever the other boy was going to try and pull on him. "What do you want now?"

"Nanase told me there's a boy looking for you at the gate," Eiri said, running a hand through his hair. He'd spent the last thirty minutes after Toriyumi had to go to his office to take an emergency call boasting about how he would lead the team to victory instead of practicing, so he wasn't as sweaty and gross as anyone else. "It wouldn't happen to be your little faggy friend, would it?"

Tai frowned, turning to look across the field. Why would Izzy come all the way out to Shibuya? But lingering just outside the gate wasn't his short redhead, but instead a familiarly irritated blonde, arms crossed and glowering. Tai knew Nanase must have said something to piss him off, the closed gate giving him a confidence he otherwise wouldn't have had without Eiri around.

"Where are you going?" Eiri snapped as Tai began to hurry over. He wished Eiri would just stay where he was and irritate someone else for a change, but the older brunette began to follow. Obviously he was hoping to draw Tai into another fight.

"Matt, what are you doing here?" Tai asked as he approached. "Don't you have your own school to go to?"

"I don't need to be there all the time," Matt told him with a shrug. He'd stopped caring that winter, after Sora had... "Besides, Izzy's worried and I told him I'd check up on you."

"Izzy doesn't need to worry about me," Tai snapped, and Matt frowned.

"If that little bastard who was talking to me before is any indication, then yeah, I'd say he does," Matt growled.

"Nanase is a jerkoff," Tai told Matt with a sharp shrug, trying to act nonchalant. "Every school has one."

"Some moreso than others," Matt grumbled as Eiri sauntered toward the gate, trying to look like he wasn't out of breath.

"Did I happen to encroach on a lovers' tiff?" he asked with a devilish smile.

Matt watched as Tai's face fell into a dark glower, the expression unsettling. It wasn't like the brunette to be so down, especially after his father had worked so hard to help him out.

"Look," Matt told the boy, "I don't know who you are, but I wasn't fucking talking to you. So just, you know, move along."

Tai bit back the smile as Eiri sputtered. He was sure to get it that night, but damn if he didn't enjoy seeing the other boy getting told off.

"I'll have you know that this is private property," Eiri started and Matt cut him off.

"Which is why I'm out _here_ on public property. Now, do I need to shove my foot up your ass to get you going in the right direction, or do you think you can leave on your own?" Matt glared as he watch Eiri stalk off back toward the field. He didn't like the way he called over two boys, saying something to them as he pointed to Tai. "Is that guy why you're upsetting Izzy?"

"He's just a bully," Tai sighed. His voice was weary, and his shoulders sagged. "I can deal with him for the next month or so, then summer'll start and he'll go home."

"You know, this not-telling-Izzy-shit is the reason you got in trouble last time," Matt reminded him, and Tai just shrugged roughly. "Don't give me that look – I perfected that look when I was twelve and it won't work on me." Matt tried to find that warmth Gabumon had always given him. "Why didn't you ever say anything to us about that guy?"

"Like I said, I can deal with Eiri." Tai tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. "Just tell Izzy I'm cool and I'll see him later, ok?"

Before Matt had the chance to say anything, Tai had already turned away. The blonde watched his friend jog back to the field, saying something to one of the older members. That familiar energy he used to have seemed to come back to him temporarily as the small group he was part of chatted excitedly about something he couldn't hear. Matt smiled, about to turn away, when that older brunette and his friends caught his eye.

The boy Tai had called Eiri was pointing across the field, laughing. The short boy he was with, the one who had called Matt a "queer" from the safety of his side of the gate, was listening intently and Matt could see the blank look in his eyes. It was like he existed just to be told what to do, the same expression he had seen in Leomon's eyes when he'd been under Devimon's control. Matt stuck his hands in his pockets, wanting to see what would happen here, in broad daylight.

Tai was starting to look like his old self, fists pumped in excitement. He must have been encouraging his teammates about the game Izzy had mentioned. And as the other young men cheered, the short boy next to Eiri took careful aim and kicked the soccer ball at his feet. It flew with an amazing speed and precision that would have been an asset to any team when used properly, slamming into the back of Tai's head. The brunette flew forward, collapsing face-first into the ground as the ball bounced mockingly next to him. Matt almost flew over the fence, worried about his friend, and not sure if he was going to help Tai or attack the trio laughing themselves to tears.

"'S'ok!" he heard Tai call thickly, and Matt knew he was the one being yelled at. "M'ok, jus' bit mah tongue." Matt could see Tai spit blood into the grass as he sat up, gingerly touching the back of his skull. The brunette was blinking rapidly and one of the other team members was making him follow his fingertip with his eyes, frowning at what results he was seeing.

"Didn't you see that?" Eiri called, choking on his laughter. "We must be doomed again this year if our _precious_ striker can't even see one measly little kick."

Tai forced himself to his feet, shaking his head still. He gave Matt a pointed glare, and a heavy blink, and said something too soft to be heard. Eiri immediately frowned, his mirth stopped and he turned on his heel. The two boys with him stumbled over themselves as they followed him off the field and Matt stalked away. Tai may have been being bullheaded again, but Matt could be just as stubborn. He would help his friend from falling into the same darkness that was slowly consuming him.

* * *

Tai was still feeling dizzy as he collapsed back into his bed. He was smelly and dirty, but he didn't trust himself to be able to stand long enough for a shower. He wondered briefly if he should go to the nurse, but she was long gone with the final ring of the school bell. Well, whatever, he was sure a few aspirin would take care of the pain in his head and the throbbing in his tongue where he'd almost bit through it.

He forced himself to move, to pour himself out of his bed and stagger to his trunk where he sat heavily and tried to remember how to work his combination lock. His fingers found the dial and when he gave it a tug to face him, it fell apart in his hands. Tai blinked hard, shaking his head so he could _focus_ though all the fog clouding his mind, and threw his trunk open. What animal or chemical had been put in there now?

Carefully, avoiding any hidden blades or teeth, he picked through his uniform and what few belongings he had that were still in one piece. Everything was there, his school jacket was still in it's plastic packaging from earlier that afternoon when he'd had to buy another one and his single change of clothes weren't looking grungier than they used to. His charger was still in one piece and even his shoes weren't cut up. The scents of rat and bleach were fighting each other, reminding him of the time Miko had been brought to the vet for almost choking on a roach she'd swallowed whole, and he rifled through his stuff, wondering what had possessed Eiri to open his trunk and leave everything where it was.

He'd been about to close the lid of his trunk, hoping there were still locks left in the school store, when Matt's ratty jeans shifted and his wallet fell out, bouncing lazily into one of his shoes. Tai yelped, snatching the precious item he thought he'd lost that morning. He tore into his desperately, confusion mounting as he saw that all his cards were in their places, his ID's not graffitied, and even what remained of that month's cash was still in it's place. The only thing he could see that was missing was a picture Kari had taken just over a month ago.

He had saved every last yen he could, ignoring the rips and the stains in his uniforms and stitching together his bedding before inspections, and finally took Izzy out on their first true date. They'd met at the bus station dressed in their nicest and Tai had been glad that, for once, they could feel like a normal couple. Of course, by the time they reached the restaurant, Tai had realized Kyo had taken all the money out of his wallet and replaced it with leaves. Izzy had just smiled, shyly admitting that he actually preferred the fast food restaurant they'd ended up at.

They'd laughed and, once Tai stopped feeling like an idiot for not checking his wallet first, had a wonderful time. They hadn't even noticed Kari and Yolie sneak up on them until the little sister snapped the picture – Izzy redfaced and in the middle of chewing while Tai was snorting into his drink over some dumb thing that had been said. It was the one of the best memories he had of his boyfriend, and he kept the image folded away, tucked into a secret pocket of his wallet for whenever Eiri's taunting became too much to handle.

But now it was gone!

Tai tore through his trunk one more time, desperately pleading that it had fallen out somewhere, that it was merely hiding from him.

He scrambled around, looking anywhere his precious photo could have gone. Under his mattress, in his sheets, around his trunk. His head was pounding again, and his vision was getting blurry, and he ignored the small voice in the back of his mind that said in Genki's voice, _You gotta relax man, that hit could have damaged your eyes._

He told himself to calm down, to take a breath and think about where it could have gone. He'd already torn up his sleeping area worse than Kyo and Nanase had ever done and he sat in the middle of the chaos. He held his head in his hands, trying to still his shaking breath. He told himself it wasn't the end of the world, that he could get plenty more pictures of him and Izzy later on (even if they wouldn't be as fun or memorable), and he tried to push himself to his feet. He stumbled with a dizzy spell and there he saw it.

Tai's stomach churned as the light glinted off Nanase's kitchen shears. The sharp ends were stuck in the floorboards under the shorter boy's bed, sticking straight through the image of his boyfriend's shocked smile.

* * *

Izzy sat in the stands, chin resting his in palms, elbows on his knees. Matt sat next to him, looking rather uncomfortable in the large crowd and, honestly, Izzy felt almost the same way. But this was the first game that the general public had been allowed to watch at Tatsumi High, and Tai had specifically invited them along. Well, he'd invited Izzy and Matt had invited himself along. He said something about Tai calling and being worried about his boyfriend.

"Why would he worry about me?" Izzy had asked.

Matt shrugged, teasing, "You're already practically a _hikikomori,_ he probably just doesn't want you to sneak out and go home."

Izzy glared playfully, but he couldn't in good conscience refute being a shut-in. It was just nicer to be at home than in a crowd. "That doesn't mean you have to babysit me. I'm not going to allow my aversion to others affect my responsibilities as a good boyfriend to encourage Tai."

Matt had just laughed, but even then Izzy could see the worry in his eyes. Something had happened when Tai had called his friend, and it obvious that Matt wasn't there only because the two boys were his friends. The whole match Matt had been giving off the same air he had when he was ten and protecting TK from some invisible threat, except now that focus was around Izzy and it was getting rather uncomfortable. No wonder the younger blonde had ended up trying to push Matt away on several occasions, despite their loving bond together.

Matt could still hear the shaking in Tai's voice when he'd been called the night before. He'd been worried almost to tears, begging his friend to keep an eye on Izzy. Something terrible would happen, he knew it, and Matt was the only one he could trust to keep his lover safe. He'd offered his eternal gratitude and the few remaining yen in his wallet, but Matt had just told him he would be glad to help. That any chance he had at kicking that smug bastard's teeth in would more than payment enough to sit through a dumb soccer game.

Tatsumi High was ahead by three goals, and Matt watched with satisfaction as Eiri sat on the bench the whole game. Despite whatever influence he thought he had, Toriyumi had wisely decided that getting chewed out later by a bored old man with more money than sense was better than being humiliated like last year. Even Kyo and Nanase had their turns, revealing the reasons they were on the team as they each scored a goal, almost on their own. Tai paced himself, though there were times it was obvious he was showing off, a private wink across the field that made Izzy blush every time. The other team just couldn't keep up with Tai and his renewed energies.

The game was drawing to a close, the clock counting down the last fifteen minutes, and Izzy told Matt as quietly as he could amidst the crowd that he had to go to the bathroom. Matt waved him off with a smile. Tai must have been panicking about nothing as the whole time they'd been there the redhead had been so boringly safe from anything but his own fear of people. And it was because of that, that Matt didn't think it odd that the boy didn't return after a while. Obviously he'd gotten overwhelmed and had found a secluded place to wait it out – it had happened before, especially when Izzy waited at the bus station for Tai to show up.

The buzzer sounded and it was no contest. Tatsumi High had crushed Kintama High to a roar of applause. The whole team threw themselves at each other in congratulations as the referee announced that the championship game would take place in a month across town in Juban. Tai was searching the stands and even Matt looked around. Izzy was still nowhere to be seen and, as the blonde scanned the field, neither was Eiri.

* * *

Izzy blinked heavily and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears as his head pounded. He tried to groan, but there was something in his mouth, and when he tried to stand he found out he was bound. There was someone standing over him, and he could hear them talking, yelling almost, but he couldn't make out any words over his own pain.

As Matt had thought, Izzy had indeed vanished into a hallway away from all the noise and the people. Joe had taught him the best way to calm a panic attack before it took hold, so he undid the top button of his shirt and took deep breaths. He knew he would have to go back soon and watch Tai win, but for now he took comfort in his usual isolation.

His heart had just begun to calm its racing and the flush in his cheeks had receded just enough when the sound of footsteps met his ears. He turned to see the boy Matt had pointed out earlier as Eiri approaching him with a strange light in his silver eyes. He was still dressed in his uniform, as clean as it had been that morning when he'd put it on, and Izzy had bowed politely.

"I apologize for any disruptions I have caused..." Izzy began. He had wondered what could have caused the other boy to abandon his team before the final buzzer.

Eiri just glowered at him, and Izzy had begun to desperately wish Tentomon was back with him. Or at least that the cold, dark Digivice he still had habitually clipped to his belt would activate with the panic that had begun to well up in him. Or even that he'd taken Tai up on fighting lessons back when he was eleven.

"'Disruptions'?" Eiri had snarled, and Izzy swallowed hard. Gone was the politely aloof brunette that had sat on the bench the whole game, looking bored. Now, there stood before him a terrifyingly enraged young man, fists shaking at his sides. "Before that fucking _fag_ waltzed the fuck in, _I_ was king of this school – I was a _god_ on the field! But now, everyone falls all over themselves to kiss his ass whenever he walks by!"

He stepped forward, and Izzy had stumbled. He thought he'd had his back to the wall, but the nothingness behind him was much more terrifying.

"I thought I'd scared him off," Eiri continued, eyes narrowed to slits. "I thought he would have gotten the _fucking_ hint, but _no!_ He has that idiot Toriyumi wrapped around his goddamn dick! Noone, and I fucking mean _noone_ , can be better than me. Even if I have to do something _drastic_ to prove it!"

Izzy knew he wasn't stronger, and he had a feeling he wasn't faster, but he turned to run. He had to get to Tai, to Matt, to anyone who could help him get out of this mess he'd wandered into. It had been then that something heavy fell on his head and the last thing he could remember was the darkness overtaking him.

But now, as he came back to himself with the sound of the final buzzer echoing in the bathroom he's been bound in, he could finally hear the words. Eiri was speaking, calmer than before but still with that underlying rage reverberating in his voice.

"I told you to fucking _do it_ , Nanase."

"Look man," came a shaky voice. It was the shorter boy Matt had bitched about a few days ago. "I was ok with making fun of Tai and kicking his ass and shit but... W-why do _I_ have to do this?"

"Because, dipshit," Eiri growled, "don't you think it would look a little _suspicious_ if I went out there with blood on my uniform?"

Nanase was holding a pair of kitchen shears in his hands, and he was looking a little ill. The other boy, Kyo, was worrying his lip with his teeth, trying to reason, "C'mon, Eiri. Don't you think this is a little too much? We can just leave him here, you know, freak everyone out until they find him?"

"No!" Eiri snapped. He shoved Kyo, the tall boy stumbling under the unexpected assault. "Tai won't react to threats, I know that now. This has to be _real_ to get him to stop. Now, I said to _fucking do it_!"

Nanase took a step back, eyes darting from Eiri to Izzy to the door. He was gripping the shears tightly, knuckles white and he looked like he was about to pass out.

"B-but... I don't want to go to jail, Eiri..." Nanase practically sobbed.

"You two are fucking useless!" Eiri snatched the shears from the shorter boy and kicked him square in the knee. The sharp point of the scissors dragged across Kyo's arm with a spray of blood when he reached out for his friend. "Get the fuck out of here, and I don't ever want to see you two again!"

There was a brief moment as Kyo held his arm that was pouring blood and Nanase leaned on his good leg where the two hesitated. Izzy looked up at them with pleading eyes, struggling against the bonds that were making his hands go numb. But Eiri snarled and raised the shears again, and the two boys stumbled out of the bathroom. Terror flooded Izzy's heart as Eiri kicked him onto his back and straddled his chest, knees digging into his shoulders. He thrashed and tried to scream only to choke on a sob. Eiri's eyes were blank with rage as he brought the scissors down towards Izzy's exposed throat.

* * *

Ito Toriyumi held his hand over his mouth, hiding his trembling as the officer looked over his notes. The flashing red lights of the ambulance blinded him, even as the afternoon sun beat down on them. The whole Tatsumi High Soccer Club was standing around, hollow looks in their eyes. They couldn't believe what Eiri had done, what Kyo and Nanase had almost been forced to do. And, as they spoke to the police in turn, they couldn't believe what they had let continue on under their noses.

Genki especially felt terrible. He admitted that he was originally supposed to be one of Tai's roommates, but he allowed himself to be kicked out rather than have to deal with the stuck up boy all semester. He had just wanted Eiri to leave him alone, as he'd been the focus of the brunette's anger last year. He cursed himself over and over, knowing what Eiri was capable of and just looking the other way.

"What's going to happen?" Toriyumi asked quietly, watching out of the corner of his eye as Eiri sat in the back of the police car, glowering in his bloody uniform. The shears were in an evidence bag and the secluded bathroom was being combed over for any and all evidence.

The officer chose his words carefully. "There will be an investigation. We'll probably end up talking to your whole team several times, and even that young man who tackled Gintama. It all depends on what he's willing to tell us happened whether or not we end up in a trial and, from what I've gathered, his father's financial influence will determine how _that_ will go."

Toriyumi nodded. He was glad the officer was being frank with him, telling him the honest truth of what could happen.

"For now, though, we'll finish taking everyone's statements and then take Gintama to the station. Everyone here looks like they need to get home and rest."

Toriyumi watched as the officer turned away, and the sound of sirens pierced his ears as the ambulance began to slowly drive away. He looked at the small group huddled together, unable to offer even the smallest of condolences to Tai. The brunette was sitting heavily on the ground, head held in his hands. His blonde friend was sitting next to him, one arm draped over his shoulders. Another officer paused by them, saying something softly, and the blonde gave her a strained smile.

"We'll come by to speak to you soon," she said as softly as she could.

Matt just nodded at her, watching her walk to her squad card. Tai was shivering beside him, lost in his own mind.

"I'm sorry, man," Matt told him, trying to pull him out of his shock. "I should have kept a better eye on him like you told me to."

"I should have known something was wrong," Tai whispered, and Matt had to strain to hear him. "I should have realized something was up sooner... And now Izzy's..."

"Tai..." Matt tried to reach him, but the brunette was already shutting himself away.


	9. Chapter 9

_I've been asleep for a while now_

_You tuck me in just like a child now_

* * *

June 2011:

Tai laughed into the phone, ignoring the looks he was getting from the other diners.

"I know, man, I can't believe my sister is _married_! And to your brother of all people. You realize this makes us in-laws, right?"

"It's not like we didn't see it coming," Matt said on the other end of the line, ignoring the bit about being related to the loudmouth brunette. He wasn't sure if he could handle that thought amongst all his physics homework. "And besides, be glad she _told_ you about it. I had Dad come by, fucking say to me, 'Did you tell TK congrats yet?' I told him I had no idea what was going on in that preachy little butthead's life anymore."

"I don't see how he can just up and stop talking to you for three whole years over some stupid argument with you," Tai said. "I mean, I guess I can understand the whole jumping-into-religion thing after losing Patamon, and that dumb homophobia he learned that made him stop talking to _me_..." He put his chin in his hand, looking around the restaurant. His date was getting pretty late.

"Yeah, well, he just..." Matt mumbled off a string of words that sounded like they had something in common with each other. But Tai just couldn't bring himself to care, he was having his own problems right now.

"I don't know where he could be," Tai complained, as though saying the words louder would bring his date faster. "He said he'd be here almost twenty minutes ago."

"Did you tell him the right restaurant this time?" Matt asked and Tai just grumbled. He didn't want to think about his last disaster of a date. "It's just, you know, you really suck at dating people."

"Oh, like you're so knowledgeable, Mr. I've-had-two-serious-girlfriends-my-whole-life. How long did it last with Mimi, huh? Like, two weeks? And don't even get me started on all those random guys you fucked in high school." Tai knew he had hit below the belt when Matt growled.

"First of all, I was with Mimi for almost six months. Second of all, go fuck yourself." He could hear Matt flip the pages of his text book. It was crazy how many classes the blonde had to take over summer break for his aerospace degree.

Tai smiled suddenly, saying quickly into the phone, "I don't have to, since my date finally showed up."

The young man quickly seated himself across the booth from Tai, a shy blush on his cheeks. "I didn't mean to be late." He noticed the phone in the brunette's hands. "Are you talking to Matt again?"

"Not anymore," Tai laughed, barely hearing the blonde cursing over the speaker. The cell phone beeped as Tai shoved it into his back pocket. "What took you so long? I did tell you the right place, didn't I?"

"I apologize, but the program I was working on kept crashing and you know I couldn't leave it like that."

Tai laughed, leaning over to kiss the shadow of a scar at the base of his lover's throat. "The same old Izzy, as always."

The redhead blushed lightly, squeaking at the very public display of affection. "Tai! What would it do for your reputation to be seen doing that?"

"I'd probably get more fan girls," Tai said with a wink, and Izzy's cheeks deepened. "Besides, noone on my team gives a shit, as long as we can make it to the World Cup next time."

"It's so different from High School..." Izzy said softly, smiling when Tai took his hand under the table.

Tai shrugged. "Not after Eiri got arrested. Once his ass went to prison for attempted murder, everyone else finally got the chance to chill out."

Izzy shuddered at the thought of the young man. If Matt had been just a few seconds too late, if the blonde hadn't been strong enough to overpower the other boy, if Kyo and Nanase hadn't called the police when they did... The only good thing was that Eiri's father couldn't stand the embarrassment of a trial, the elder Gintama fleeing the country in shame as his child plead guilty to a prison sentence of twenty years for attempted murder.

Tai shook away the dark thoughts that plagued his mind as well, squeezing his lover's hand almost painfully. "But you know what I've been doing since I went to training camp – three weeks of practice and sleep and practice again before I get my week off to come home and see you. What about you? How's college?"

"My studies have been going well, and I even have more free time since Matt doesn't seem to need much tutoring anymore." Izzy smiled as a waitress brought him a plate. Tai had ordered it for him when he was supposed to show up, though now he regretted it as it meant he would have to let go of Izzy for them to eat. "I've actually been working on creating my own operating system, you know."

"What, you going to try and outsell Pineapple?" Tai asked, watching Izzy as he ate. The twenty year old was so much more graceful than he could ever attempt to be.

"That would be wonderful, but I don't think I'll ever be that successful." Izzy blushed. It was always embarrassing when Tai gave him that look in public. The one that said they would probably have to cut their date short and retreat to their apartment soon. "It's just something I started tinkering with a few years ago. Not too long after the..." He could still hardly bring himself to mention the permanent closure of all Digital Gates, even after so long.

"And you're just now telling me about it?" Tai smiled at a little girl who was pointing at him from a booth over. He hadn't been on the Japanese National Team for more than a year, but he was quickly becoming a recognized icon.

"I'm just now getting serious about it," Izzy told him, looking away when he was pointed at. He would never get used to all the attention just from being around his lover. "It gets lonely without you, you know."

"Believe me, I know." Tai reached out to caress Izzy's cheek. He couldn't admit he was still scared of losing the man sometimes. "But, hey, did you hear the good news?"

"That Kari and TK eloped?" Izzy nodded. "Your sister called me after they signed the certificate. Apparently Miss. Takaishi is helping them find an apartment nearby."

Tai shook his head. "It just doesn't feel right, man. Kari's always wanted a big wedding with all her friends there – that she could just... go to the Justice of the Peace without telling anyone..."

"Well, you have been out of her life for almost seven years. Perhaps she's changed," Izzy offered.

"I guess... But, it's not like we don't talk on the phone sometimes when Dad's out of town." He hated the hushed whispers late at night when his sister could dare to call. Apparently they didn't even say his name anymore at home. "Well, whatever, I don't want to talk about that depressing crap anymore. I just want to finish here, go to our movie, and go home for some, ah, boyfriend time."

Izzy blushed and kicked him under the table as Tai laughed. This would be a fun week.

* * *

October 2011:

Tai still couldn't get the thought out of his head. His sister, _married_. Fresh out of high school and into the arms of her boyfriend. It wasn't like it was unexpected, but it just seemed... off. Almost like she'd done her duty instead of followed her dreams. Of course, he realized, she never acted that way. And now that she was no longer living in the Kamiya household, she was much more free to come by and visit.

And visit she did, spending most afternoons in their living room, talking with Izzy and trying to catch her brother whenever he was back in Odaiba.

It was on one of those swiftly-chilling afternoons that Tai stumbled into the apartment with a yawn. He'd just gotten back to town and was looking forward to dragging Izzy to the bedroom when he saw his sister seated in her usual overstuffed purple chair. His lover was at his computer, chair turned so he could chat with the young bride. Tai made a face, realizing that he would now have to wait to take his pants off, before leaning over his sister and hugging her tight.

"What's up, Kari? How's your anus of a husband?" Tai laughed.

"He's not that bad," Kari chastised with a smile. "Well, except on Sundays."

Tai collapsed on the floor, rolling around until he was comfortable in between them. He was glad Izzy kept up with the vacuuming and other various housework. "Well then, what is he feeding you? No offense, but you're getting fat, dude."

Kari turned redder than he'd ever seen Izzy get. "W-well, if you must know, Tai. I am... expecting."

"Expecting what? Lipo?" Tai yelped as he was suddenly kicked by not only his sister, but his boyfriend.

"Fine, see if I want you to be an uncle at all," Kari pouted.

"W-What?!" Tai sat up quickly, almost knocking his head on the coffee table. "What did that little bastard do to you?!"

"He did what normal husband and wives do," Izzy explained, and Kari didn't turn any lighter.

"Yeah, but, like, right away? I just got used to you being _married_ ," Tai whined. His shoulder hurt from here Izzy's had kicked him. He looked at his sister, seeing the small hint of pride buried behind her embarrassment. "Do you know what it is yet?"

"Tai, it's a baby," Kari began with a sigh and Tai pouted at her.

"I'm not Davis, I know _that_. I mean, is it a boy or a girl?"

"Oh." Tai was pleased to see her smile at him. "I'm not far enough along to know yet. I only went to the doctor to confirm it a few weeks ago."

"As soon as you find out, you name that baby something bitchin', promise?"

Kari laughed. "I promise." She looked at her watch. "I've intruded for too long. Thank you for having me, Izzy."

"Not a problem." Izzy smiled, standing and walking Kari to the door. "And congratulations. You'll be a wonderful mother."

"Thank you, Izzy." She gave him a hug. "I'll see you soon."

Izzy bowed and closed the door. He was still smiling as he walked back to the living room and sighed when Tai's jeans flew onto the couch. "Already, Tai?"

"What? I've been wearing pants all day, and now I'm home. I don't have to wear pants at home, you know that."

Izzy shook his head, grabbing the offending item off his furniture. It was always hard to keep the apartment clean whenever Tai came home.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's up?" Tai asked, reaching out to grab Izzy's thigh as he passed. "Where are you going?"

"To do laundry. You always make a mess, you know."

Tai grinned and moved his hand up just a bit further. "Well, we're not done making a mess. I haven't seen you in three weeks, you know..."

* * *

Izzy curled against Tai, tracing his fingertip over the sun-shaped scar emblazoned on his chest. Tai murmured sleepily, hugging him close and kissing the top of his head.

"What are you thinking now?" Tai asked, trying to find his mind again. Damn the redhead for being so dexterous. It must be all that clicking around on his keyboard.

Izzy curled closer, closing his eyes against the evening sun that shone in through the blinds. "To be honest, I was thinking about your sister."

"That's gross," Tai mumbled, grunting when Izzy smacked him on his poor, abused shoulder.

"I mean, just now I was." Izzy glared and Tai just grinned. "Her life must be changing so fast lately: first marriage, then a baby. It makes me realize we just celebrated our seventh anniversary."

"I remember. Mostly." He remembered removing the batteries from their cells and not turning on the bedside lamp until three A.M., but not much of anything else. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"I'm just thinking about how much _our_ lives changed back then – how much we went through together, and how wonderful it is that we still have each other." Izzy yawned and nuzzled into Tai's chest. Despite how early it still was, he was tired. "And I just... love you..."

Tai brought a hand up to run though Izzy's hair absently. He listened to his lover's breath even out, turning into that soft, adorable snore he refused to believe he made.

* * *

January 2012:

"I'm freezing my ass off out here, man," Matt complained. "This is the third store we've been to, can't you make up your mind?"

"It's not that simple," Tai snapped, burrowing into his jacket. The snow was falling lightly, turning to pink and gold confetti against the setting sun, and it would have been a perfect setting for lovers. If he'd told Izzy he was back in town yet. "I can't just 'make up my mind' about something I'm not sure what I'm looking for!"

"Well, it's a lot easier to find something if we're actually inside the store. Can we get out of this damn cold yet?" Matt was very grumpy when he was freezing.

"If it'll make you stop bitching, jeeze," Tai grumbled.

The store was rather warm, actually, and Matt pulled his scarf down from around his ears. He gave a shivering sigh of contentment and stretched his cold fingers as Tai tried not to admit that maybe this was a better idea than just window shopping.

"Welcome to OSA-P Jewelers, how can I help you?" asked the young girl at the counter. Her short mouse blonde hair fell in waved to her shoulders and her bright green eyes sparkled warmer than any jewel around her.

"I'm looking for an..." Tai's nose tingled painfully as he blushed. "An engagement ring."

"Oh, congratulations," the girl chirped, her _kansai_ accent clipping her words adorably.

"Tell him congrats when the guy agrees," Matt laughed. He was in a much better mood now that he could feel his toes. "Though I can't imagine who would want to spend the rest of their life with this asshole."

"Shut up," Tai growled, and the blonde stuck his tongue out at him. What made him think Matt would be a good shopping companion?

"Do you have an idea of what you're looking for?" the girl asked, stepping around the counter.

"K-kind of. Well, not really, but..." Why did he have to sound so nervous? "We've been together for seven years..."

"Then how about something like this?" The girl walked over to a display that was practically glowing with sparkles. Tai watched as she looked over a variety of rings, some with no diamonds, some with several, in all kind of colors and shapes. She "hmm"ed for a moment before smiling and unlocking the case. "What do you think?"

It was a rather thick silver band with seven small diamonds set in a row. Tai chewed his tongue as he thought. "It's so..."

"Monochrome?" Matt suggested, poking his head over Tai's shoulder. "Seriously, it's all one big shimmer."

"Plus it's huge. It'll probably take over his whole finger," Tai laughed.

The girl hid a smile behind her hand as she replaced the ring. "Something smaller and brighter then." She quickly walked across the store with confidant strides. "More like this?"

A thin strip of gold held a single diamond in a Celtic Knot design.

"Close, but..." Tai tapped the design. "Not like this. More color here – Izzy's already so pale all the time."

"I see. So then, let's step away from traditional diamonds," she said as she did just that. "And let's look over here at these gemstones."

Matt was closer to the display, so he looked over the case before Tai walked over. "That one looks pretty cool."

Tai didn't even have to take a second look at it. "That's it! That's perfect! Matt, you're a genius!"

"Wonderful," the girl cheered. "Now, what size do you need?"

Tai looked blankly at her. "S... Size?" Why couldn't just finding the damn thing be enough?

Matt just groaned. He was supposed to have been home studying by now.

* * *

February 2012:

"C'mon, Izzy, it's Valentine's Day," Tai whined. He was rolling on the floor behind his boyfriend. "Pay attention to _me_..."

"Give me five minutes," Izzy snapped, not looking away from his monitor. "I promised my boss I'd have this OS up and running for his presentation this weekend. And if he Blue Screen of Death's in front of hundreds of people, he won't just fire me – he'll probably have me killed."

"That's not funny," Tai pouted.

"It wasn't meant to be." Izzy pinched the bridge of his nose. He wasn't sure if it was his boyfriend or this damn code giving him the headache. Everything had been all set to go that morning when he'd looked it over. But he had found a line that he had _thought_ was superfluous, but when he'd changed it, the whole program had crashed. Even when he'd gone back and re-added it, it still gave him bugs he'd never seen before! And now Tai was begging for his attention at this crucial moment where everything looked like it might work properly.

Tai just huffed and whimpered and made all kinds of noises specifically to grate on Izzy's nerves. Each tap of the keyboard was accentuated with another sigh, or another hum, and Izzy was slowly starting to regret every event in his life that had lead up to this moment. Every warm smile, every loving touch, every sweet confession could all go to Hell right about now.

"Izzy," Tai whined after a few minutes.

" _What_ , Tai? For the love of God and all his angels, _what do you need_?"

Tai just grinned at how pissed he was making his lover. "Lemme see your hands."

Izzy growled and threw his arms in the air above his head. Either he was going to kill Tai or set his computer on fire – either would be equally therapeutic about now. "Here they are, are you satisfied now?"

There was a shifting behind him and, instead of an answer, Tai put something heavy and cold on his finger. Izzy swallowed hard, knowing exactly what had happened, but still somehow unable to believe it. He slowly lowered his arms and looked at the ring now resting at the base of his knuckle. It was a thin gold band with a circle cut amethyst in a tension hold with three diamonds forming a triangle on either side.

"Kick ass," Tai cheered. "I got the right size, first guess!"

"Tai," Izzy said softly, almost unable to hear himself. "Is there not an inquiry that is to be made alongside this gift?"

"Yeah, are you done yet? I'm hungry and it's almost time for our reservations."

Izzy turned to glare at his laughing boyfriend. "Is that it?"

"Well, yeah." Tai wrapped Izzy in a hug that squeezed the breath from his lungs. "Dude, we've been together since the eighth grade. What are you going to do, say no?"

"Somehow the romance in this proposal seems to be missing," Izzy deadpanned while Tai nibbled at his earlobe. "Perhaps I _will_ decline your proposition after all, hm?"

"Then fine, maybe I'll just take this ring and give it to Matt after all," Tai teased. "You do know we've been having an affair all these years, right?"

Izzy just smacked Tai in the shoulder as he laughed. "You asshole, you know I'll marry you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter is Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls.

  _'Cause every time you hold me in your arms_

_I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth_

* * *

February 2012:

"Oh my God!" Mimi squealed, her shrill voice causing feedback in the speakers. Izzy blushed and Tai laughed as they watched the woman bounce around on the other end of the monitor. She looked more excited than Izzy had. "That. Is. Precious! I'm the first to know, right guys?"

"The first we called," Tai said. He'd told everyone else in person.

"Have you two picked a date yet? Or a venue? Ooh! I'm so excited to plan it all out!" Mimi was starry-eyed, lost in her own thoughts. "Are you wearing tuxes? Or dresses? Oh, Izzy, you'd look so cute in a bridal gown! I'm going to make it perfect for you two!"

"When did she become our planner?" Izzy asked under his breath, trying not to hide behind his new fiancee.

"Just run with it," Tai mumbled with a smile in case Mimi looked at them. "She's in America still, what can she do from there?"

"Miss. Tachikawa?" came a small voice from the computer and a young man nervously poked his head into the dressing room that housed Mimi's webcam. "You're needed on set."

"I'm _celebrating_!" Mimi snapped, sounding like the princess she had been once. "My friends are getting married – Ridley Scott can wait five minutes!"

"What are you working on now?" Tai asked. Hopefully he could steer the conversation away from Izzy in a dress. He could convince the man to do that later that evening when they were in bed.

"Some dumb movie about space. Promotheus, or something like that? It's a prequel to some 70's movie I've never seen - I get to play a doctor!" Mimi was more than happy to discuss her new career as an actress. Anything to forget how badly she'd been dumped from Avex on her twentieth birthday. If she was "too old" to be a pop idol, she'd become something better – the best actress Japan had ever seen!

"Congrats, Mimi," Tai said and she glowed.

"Miss. Taichikawa..." the young man said again, cowering behind his clipboard. "Please?"

"Oh, fine." She blew a kiss into her webcam as she stood to leave. "I'm proud of you guys! Let me know about the date so I can decide on your colors, ok?"

"I don't think I've ever been more scared of anything in my life," Izzy mumbled, hiding his burning face in Tai's arm as the screen went black. "Mimi – planning our _colors_?"

"Don't worry, Iz," Tai attempted to reassure. "I'm scared, too."

* * *

May 2012:

Tai looked at the phone in his hands.

Mimi had ended up being a Godsend, planning every last detail of the wedding over the past three months, even while on the set of her movie. Every break, every scene she wasn't in, she was on her phone with some professional or another, working out the details of things Tai would have never thought of – the flavor of the cake, the music they would dance to, the design of the flowers, all that chick shit. She'd even created a guest list that neither man could think to add to. Everyone would be there to support their friends and fellow Chosen Children.

Everyone except who Tai was nervously dialing. Kari had said the number was the same, even after she'd moved...

The phone rang and rang, and Tai had to tell himself over and over that it was a simple question. That the worst that could happen would be being told "no". He wished Izzy was with him instead of going tuxedo shopping with Matt.

"Kamiya residence, this is Yuuko."

Tai's mouth was open, but nothing was coming out. He swallowed hard and ran his tongue over his dry lips, willing for anything to come out, even a squeak.

"Hello? Is someone there?"

_'Just put your lips together and breathe,'_ Tai told himself.

"I'm going to hang up now -"

"M-Mom!" Tai clenched his hand into a fist. He hadn't realized how loud he was. "Mom, it's me..."

"... Tai?" His mother's voice was soft, breathless. "Is that you, Tai?"

"It's been a while, hasn't it, Mom?" Just hearing her voice was enough to almost make him forget the reason he'd called. "I-I wanted to ask you and Dad something..."

"What is it?" She had a desperation in her voice, sounding the same way he felt.

"Will you –?"

There was a sudden rustling on the other end of the phone, and he heard his mother begin to say something as a harsh voice demanded, "Who is this?"

"Dad?" Tai tried to keep the hitch out of his breath. He couldn't fall back into that same numbness from when he was fifteen.

"It's you," the man spat. "I thought I told you to never call here?"

"Dad, please, I..." How could he ever get the words out now? "I'm getting married!"

"Is that so?" Was that pride in Susumu's voice? "You finally find a woman to carry on our line?"

"No, Dad, I'm still with Izzy. I wanted to invite you – you and Mom – to our wedding." He couldn't stop the words tumbling out of his mouth now. "Please, Dad? It would mean so much to us if you guys could be there. W-we've even talked about it, and Izzy said he'd become a Kamiya! He'll take on the family name if it means you'll be there for us."

There was a heavy silence on the other end for so long, Tai thought he'd been hung up on. Then, his father hissed harshly, "Don't act like you pity me, you little faggot."

The receiver slammed down, and Tai screwed his eyes shut, trying not to cry as the line went dead. He jumped, a surprised sob escaping, as a soft hand fell on his back.

Izzy was standing behind him, biting his lip in concern while Matt glowered behind him. "Tai, are you ok?"

Tai dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to stem the tears flowing down his cheeks.

"Y-yeah." Damn his unsteady breath. "Yeah, Iz, I was just... being an idiot again."

"Look here, man," Matt said, setting down the box that contained Izzy's wedding suit. "I kicked Joe's dad's ass years ago, I'm willing to take on your dad if you want."

"My foot," Tai laughed as he wiped his nose on his sleeve. "I heard you got wasted and Shou whupped you. Did you ever apologize to Joe for getting his arm broken?"

Matt flipped him off as Izzy tried to wave off the fight. As much good as it would do the two men to beat each other up, the wedding date was coming up and it wouldn't do for one groom to have a black eye while his best man had a split lip.

* * *

June 2012:

"I don't know how I can do this," Izzy gasped, trying to keep from hyperventilating. He wanted to undo his tie, to loosen the buttons on his lavender tuxedo, but it was getting too close to the ceremony. "I didn't think I would be so nervous. What if something happens? What if Tai doesn't show up?"

Joe was sitting in the chair next to him, trying not to laugh at his poor friend's distress. For once, _he_ wasn't the one in the middle of a panic attack.

"Calm down, Izzy. Remember Pranayama? Deep breaths." The tall man stood, placing comforting hands on his friend's shoulders. "With me – in then out."

Izzy gaped like a fish out of water for a few moments. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, finally falling into the comforting breathing exercise and allowing his shaking hands to still.

"Better?" Joe asked after a minute of quiet breathing, watching the flush fall from Izzy's cheeks.

"Much better, yes." Joe stepped back, checking to make sure the orange rose boutonniere was still safely pinned to his lapel. "Those yoga techniques are rather helpful."

"You should thank Nana then, she really helped me when I got kicked out of my Dad's place." The blue haired man smiled, thinking of the young woman with the butterfly clip he'd met back in high school.

"I have been meaning to ask, how are your brothers?" Anything to keep his mind off his still rolling stomach.

"They really wanted to be here," Joe said. "But Shin is on a missionary trip to Ethiopia right now, and Shuu and Jun are in Shimane to research the Mirror Pond with Prof. Takenouchi."

"What about your mother?" It was simpler to not ask about Shou.

Joe shrugged. "She's getting better about taking her pills, and the asylum she's in right now isn't too bad. They even have a doctor there who specializes in Bipolar cases."

"I'm glad she's being well taken care of, then." Izzy glanced at the clock hanging in the corner of the room. The small chapel would be filling up soon and he would be called out to the altar with the sound of Mimi's CD.

Joe smiled and looked like he was going to say something else as the door suddenly flew open. Matt stalked into the room, a dark look flashing over his face. He was dressed in a rather ratty looking black suit, the smell of smoke surrounding him. He caught sight of Izzy's still-nervous face and broke into a relaxed smile.

"Hey, man, lookin' sharp." He walked over, almost jumping in surprise when he noticed Joe. "Oh, uh, hi."

"I was just leaving," Joe said as he stood. Izzy bit his lip, wanting the two men to work out their feelings on their own.

"Watch out," Matt grumbled. "Sora's on the warpath out there."

"Oh? What's she on about now?" Joe asked as Izzy looked between his friends.

"That same self-hating, anti-gay, I-can't-admit-I'm-a-lesbian shit she's always bitched at _me_ about." Matt's lips twisted into a grimace. "I don't know why she even showed up if she feels like that."

"Perhaps she felt obligated to come as we used to be such close friends," Izzy rationalized. "I wish she had informed us of her feelings, as I never wanted her to be uncomfortable."

"Eh, she's just a bitch," Matt said, waving her off. He still wasn't over their breakup, even years later. "Don't let her ruin your wedding, Izzy."

"I'll be sure to avoid her negative attitude," Izzy agreed. "W-would you go check on Tai for me?"

Joe laughed, and Izzy could see the light dusting of red on Matt's cheeks. "I told you, Izzy, Tai'll be here."

"Don't worry, man, I'll go," Matt said, trying not to let the nervousness show in his voice. "I gotta get my best man instructions from him, anyway."

Joe glanced away from the blonde as he left, hiding the desire in his expression. Izzy reached out, gently placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. Joe looked up and shook his head at the question in the redhead's eyes.

"I've come to terms with it years ago," Joe said quietly. "Anyway, don't worry about me – we should start getting ready to head out to the altar."

"You're right, I -"

"I said, _shut the hell up_!"

Joe was already on his feet and out the door before Izzy recognized the voice as Matt's. The redhead stepped into the hallway just in time to watch Matt punch TK, the younger man stumbling and almost falling to the floor. Kari was standing by his side, desperately clutching the skirt of her pale orange dress and biting her tongue. The older brother had his hands clenched into fists and he was shaking with rage while Joe attempted to be heard.

"Look, just calm down," Joe was trying to say, sounding like he used to ages ago when he would stand between Tai and Matt.

"No, go fuck yourself, TK," Matt snarled. TK raised a hand to his split lip, grabbing the crucifix at the base of his throat.

"I will not stand here while you disgrace a house of the Lord with this... _unnatural_ ceremony!" TK cried. Joe reached out to grab his arm, to calm him down, and the blonde flinched away. "Don't touch me, you fag!"

Matt's face turned red with rage and he shouted, "Don't you _fucking_ talk to him like that! Don't you remember how many times he _saved_ your ass when you were a kid?!"

"This is a _church_!" Kari said, a sob hiding in her voice as she begged her husband. "Please, TK... Don't sound like him..."

"Say to me whatever you feel like you need to," Joe cried, "but at least say it _quietly_!"

"TK," Izzy called softly. His face burned as all eyes turned toward him and he fought the urge to duck back into his dressing room and back to his panic attack. "Are you truly uncomfortable with how Tai and I are conducting our lives together?"

TK at least had the decency to look away. "Look, Izzy, I appreciate your friendship, and I'll never forget our adventures all those years ago. But." He turned to glare at the groom-to-be. "I will have _no_ part in this blatant disregard for God and His laws."

Matt was shaking and he opened his mouth only for Izzy to continue just as quietly, "Then I apologize for forcing you to attend such an offensive event. If I had realized your feelings, I would have never had Mimi invite you."

TK frowned, a look of shame crossing his face before that hardened expression came back. "It's nothing against you, personally," the man said. "And I will be willing to rekindle our friendship should you choose to end this life of sin and return to a righteous pathway." He turned to leave. "Come on, Kari."

"No, TK," Kari said, crossing her arms. "I'm staying - you can walk home for all I care."

TK's eyes flashed. "Kari, you are my _wife_ -"

"And this is my _brother's_ wedding. I'm not leaving." Kari planted her feet on the floor, but Izzy could see the waver of indecision in her eyes.

The younger blonde threw his hands in the air in defeat. "Fine. Do what you will. I'm going to get Lucian from the babysitter and go to a _proper_ Mass while this... thing happens."

Kari was wiping her eyes desperately, using Matt's sleeve that he offered, as TK stormed off. Sora stepped into the hallway from the shadows where she'd been watching, placing a comforting hand on TK's arm. After a few hushed words, she led the man away turning to look at the small, stunned group. A flash of something darker than TK's righteous fury twisted her face for just a moment before the pair hurried off.

"I'm sorry, Izzy," Kari sobbed as Matt rubbed her back soothingly. "Every time I try to do something for you two, all I do is mess it up..."

"It's not your fault, Kari," Izzy reassured. "I had hoped that whatever grievances Sora and TK had with our type of relationship would be able to be put aside, but it seems that their hatred is too ingrained." Kari pulled away from her in-law with a sniffle. She rubbed her nose and checked the lavender rose corsage around her wrist. A few bruised petals, but nothing Mimi couldn't fix. "Why don't you and Matt go see Tai? It's almost time, after all."

* * *

"That little bastard said _what_?!" Tai yelped, hugging his sister tightly. "Dude, I'm gonna kill your brother!"

"Get in line," Matt grumbled. "Besides, don't call him my little brother – he's no family of mine anymore. Uh, sorry Kari." The girl was glaring sullenly at him.

"Well I'm not. Your husband can go jump on a dick for all I care." Kari kicked her brother as she pouted. Tai made a face, a certain anger still dancing in the back of his eyes. "It'll be ok, Kari. We don't need TK, right?"

Kari lowered her gaze. "You know I love you Tai, but... I am still his wife..."

"So you're gonna leave, too?"

The young woman shook her head. "Of course not! I'm staying for your wedding, Tai! I just... I can't stay any longer than that."

"I understand. You have your own family now." Tai smiled to show he wasn't mad, at least not at her. He turned to Matt, apparently seeing him for the first time. "You're not wearing _that_ are you?"

Matt looked at his suit. "What's wrong with this?"

"Dude, I can still see a moth chewing on it." Tai sat Kari down and made a face at his friend. "How old is that thing, anyway?"

Matt shrugged. "It got my dad through his wedding and divorce and all those trials from when I was little."

"You are _not_ wearing a divorce suit to my wedding! Don't you know that's bad mojo, or whatever Joe would call it?" Tai sighed as Matt made a face. "Thank God we came prepared."

Matt watched as Tai turned to the table next to him, uncovering a plain white box.

"Here, Izzy figured you didn't have a good suit, so we rented one for you to match the rest of us."

Matt looked inside, seeing the pale orange suit similar to Tai's and all his groomsmen. He was quickly ushered behind a curtain to change, emerging just as the opening guitar of the CD Mimi prepared began to play.

* * *

Izzy felt the heat rise in his cheeks. The only thing keeping him moving forward was Joe's comforting presence walking beside him. Yolie and Cody stood at the altar stairs, dressed in his same shade of lavender and opposite them were Kari and Davis, the young woman looking much better than she had a few minutes ago. And just past them, approaching from the opposite side of the church, Matt lead a just-as-nervous-looking Tai.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

He could see his parents sitting in the front pew, his mother dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. His father smiled, a look full of pride, and Izzy blushed. His hands were shaking, and he had no idea how he managed to make it up the three steps to stand before the priest and his lover.

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

Tai was glad that Matt was standing next to him. If his nerves decided to take over, the blonde was strong enough to hold him down until this whole thing was over with. What had he been thinking, agreeing to get married in a church? He had never been particularly religious, but at least the priest smiling at them seemed nice enough.

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

He ignored the empty space next to Izzy's parents, fighting back the depression that would surely take over. He couldn't let himself be sad, not with the handsome young man standing across from him. He hadn't been sure about the lavender suit, but the pale color brought out what warmth there was in Izzy's skin, and it meshed well with the soft orange of his own tuxedo.

_'Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

Joe smiled as he discretely held Izzy steady. The redhead still looked like he wasn't completely over his panic attack, but he knew having Tai there would be the biggest help. He stole a glance to the blonde across from him, blushing when their eyes met.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

Matt was suddenly glad that Tai had forced him to change, surrounded by the warmth and splendor Mimi had created. Beautiful floral arrangements lent their heady scent to the warm chapel air, a smell he was no longer familiar with. The last time he'd been in a church was when he was five, and he couldn't recall ever feeling this content. He glanced over to the man at Izzy's side, feeling his cheeks warm as he caught Joe's gaze. If only they were younger again, back in that Digital air...

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

The CD faded to silence as the priest stepped forward. He held his hands out and smiled, a warm, relaxed expression.

"Loved ones, friends and family, we gather today to witness the most joyous of occasions – the blessed union of two who love each other. For eight years, these two men have held true to the sacred bond of love and today, we witness the strengthening of that bond into holy matrimony.

"I take great pride in all I do for God and His children, but nothing compares to the celebration of marriage, and the lives it embraces. Not only are we joining together young Taichi and Koushiro, but we bring together their families, Mrs. Hikari and the Mr. and Mrs. Izumi." He had been well instructed by the scary, pink-clad woman specifically what names to _not_ mention.

"I take the time now, before God and His children, should any person here have reason to deny this marriage to speak now, or forever hold his peace." There was nothing but silence and beaming faces, just the way he liked it. "May I have the best men present the rings?"

Matt and Joe reached into their pockets, pulling out two thin golden bands. The light of the church caught them, a spray of golden sparkles illuminating the warmth dancing in the two lovers' eyes.

"These rings symbolize a lifetime of love, never ending, never wavering. And with their placement, we begin a new life together."

Tai's hands were shaking so bad, he almost dropped the ring, ducking his head and smiling as he slipped it onto Izzy's finger. The redhead was blushing as he placed his lover's ring on his hand.

"Join me, all of God's children, as we welcome the new Mr. and Mr. Izumi."

Tai reached up, gently caressing Izzy's cheek, his new ring warm against his lover's, no, his _husband's_ skin. And as he leaned forward, pressing his lips to Izzy's, he could hear the cheers and applause of everyone who accepted them for who they were.


	11. Chapter 11

_It starts in my soul_

_And I lose all control_

* * *

May 2014:

It was in the middle of the night when Izzy rolled over, looking at Tai in the darkness, and said, "I want to have a baby."

Tai just blinked sleepily. "Well, you'll have to let me catch my breath before we go again, but if I haven't knocked you up yet, I don't think I will."

Izzy slapped him on the chest, glaring. "I mean it. I owe a lot to my parents to let their family name die."

"I didn't know you were into that name crap," Tai grumbled, rubbing his scar. He was still bitter.

"Not for family honor, or nobility, or any of that," Izzy explained, curling next to Tai in apology. "But because whenever I think of the Izumi name, I think of kindness and warmth. My parents weren't required to take me in, let alone _love_ me, and yet they did everything they could for me. I want to have a child so that they can feel that same way."

"If you're sure about it." Tai took his husband's hand in his, kissing the golden band. "You know I'm not home all the time, so you'd be alone with the baby a lot. A screaming, snotting, poop factory all to yourself."

"The thought has crossed my mind," Izzy admitted with a warm smile, "but I have also considered this for a long time. Besides, it's not like I'm completely alone. I can always go to my parents for assistance, and I'm sure Kari wouldn't mind if I needed to call her."

"Just don't let TK know," Tai grumbled. He wished he'd been in that hallway at his wedding – _he_ wouldn't have stopped at one punch. "He'd have a damn coronary if he knew we were going to have a _kid_."

"So does this mean you agree?" Damn how proud Izzy was for making him admit it.

"Well," Tai murmured, moving under the sheets. "Let's try one more time, and then if you _still_ aren't pregnant, we'll look into other means."

* * *

It was a few weeks later, when Tai was back in town, that Izzy felt himself being crawled on. He whined and tried to slap off the early-morning annoyance that was kissing and nibbling in places that would have been wonderful, had the sun been up.

"What do you want?" Izzy grumbled, flicking the nose that was nuzzling against his ear and cracking one eye open to stare at his alarm clock. "It is... six-thirty in the morning."

"Six-thirty-seven to be exact!" Tai laughed loudly, earning himself a shove off the bed. He whined and grabbed his back, watching as his husband rolled over to glare at him with sleepy eyes.

"Then why are you being such a pain in the ass?" Izzy must have been tired if he was cursing.

"Well, I got home super late last night, but I was so excited I couldn't sleep." Tai reached up, flopping across his husband's back and rolling on him. "I tried to wake you up earlier, but you just grunted at me and now you're awake and I can tell you what I've been thinking about all night."

Izzy was torn between trying to process what he was being jabbered at and trying to breathe. "What?"

"I was talking to Genki on the plane home, and he told me about how his sister was a surrogate for some friends of hers, and I thought that sounded like a good idea, doesn't it?" Tai crawled to his side of the bed, bouncing excitedly. He had amused himself at Izzy's expense long enough and was now actively trying to calm down.

"A surrogate?" The redhead sat up and shook the sleep from his head. There was no way he was going back to bed now.

"Yeah, we take some of our stuff and the doctor puts it in a chick and then, poof, nine months later we get a baby."

"I'm sure it's a bit more complicated than that..." But still, Tai was right - that did sound like a good idea. To have a baby of his own to share with his husband... "Are you certain this is the course of action you wish to take?"

"Yeah," Tai cheered, flopping and rolling to put his head in his husband's lap. "Don't you want a little mini-Tai running around, sticking his fingers in electrical sockets and puking everywhere and shit like that?"

"All too suddenly I find myself regretting this whole raising-a-child-together decision," Izzy grumbled as Tai laughed in his lap.

* * *

August 2014:

As it was, it really wasn't any more complicated than how Tai had explained it. They sat in the doctor's office, listening as she explained the rather simple procedure.

After finding a suitable surrogate from a series of applications and health screenings, the pair would be called back in to the clinic when she was ovulating for something called "intrauterine insemination". A quick "session" later, as the doctor put it and Tai laughed at, and their sperm would be collected and cleaned to leave only the fastest swimmers to reach the egg.

"Of course," she explained, "since it is not legal to pay for the obtaining and implantation of human body parts, including eggs and sperm, it will instead be up to you two to handle all clinic visits, all travel and care expenses for the mother, and especially all financial burdens related to the pregnancy. I trust this won't be a problem?"

"We are financially stable," Izzy said as Tai continued to giggle over what he was now calling "sperm races". "I would not have considered bringing a child into this world without proper financial security."

The doctor nodded. "Then we'll start with the application fee and begin the search for a mother."

* * *

"I'm so happy for you," Kari beamed as Izzy blushed lightly. She was bouncing her second born on her knee as she sat in her brother's new living room. The married couple had moved not too far out of downtown Odaiba, buying a large house that offered plenty of room and had sparked the idea for children in the first place. As much as Izzy loved the silence of his own place, sometimes the empty echoes could get _too_ loud, even for him. "Having Lucian and then Kazuki here, I just couldn't be happier. And don't you worry, you can call me any time you need to – for advice, a babysitter, anything."

"That does relieve me somewhat," Izzy admitted. "As Tai so eloquently pointed out, I will be alone with the child more often than not."

"It's not that hard, really." Kari laughed. "With the way TK is about church, I'm practically a single mother every Sunday."

Izzy tried to hide the face he was making at the mention of the young woman's husband as the front door opened and Tai stepped through.

"What's that now?" Tai glared at Izzy as he passed his sister, ruffling his nephew's still-wispy blonde hair. "Are you squinting again?"

"No, Tai," Izzy sighed. "I am _not_ squinting. I do not _squint_."

Kari was hugging her brother as she asked cautiously, "Is this a... new argument?"

"No," Tai grumbled as Izzy tried to kick him as he passed by. "Izzy's been squinting at things for a few weeks now. I tell him to go to the doctor, but he says he's fine."

"I _am_ fine," Izzy pressed. He smiled at Kari as he tried to explain, "I've been working on my program for longer periods of time now, ever since Pineapple replaced their base OS with it. My eyes have merely been getting strained from staring at the screen until late at night."

"Sure, if you say so," Tai mumbled. He flopped on the couch next to his sister, grabbing Kazuki and holding the three month old in the air. He jabbered happily at him, the baby cooing eagerly as he already tried to form words.

Kari glanced at the clock hanging above the computer desk across from her. "I need to be heading out soon. Is that the right time?"

"I believe so -"

"The battery in that thing is dying," Tai interrupted, playing with Kazuki's tiny fingers. "Check the microwave clock, Iz."

Izzy craned his neck to look into the kitchen. Then he leaned forward. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes narrowed.

"Squinter!" Tai accused, holding Kazuki to his chest like some dramatic mother in one of Mimi's movies. "I can see it from here!"

"I don't squint!" Izzy insisted, cheeks flaring red. Damn Tai for tricking him like usual!

"I'm sorry," Kari admitted, prying her child away from his laughing uncle. "But that was an unmistakable squint."

Izzy sighed and lowered his head. He could argue with Tai all day long, it was one of the funner thing about being married to him, but when Kari said something, it had a ring of finality to it. It must be true then – he was a squinter.

"Fine," he grumbled as Tai cheered in his rare victory. "I'll go to the doctor in the morning."

* * *

September 2014:

"You can't laugh at me."

"Izzy," Tai sighed. "Come on, you've locked yourself in the bathroom for two hours. If you don't come out and let me see them, or at least let me in to pee, I'm going to go piss in the sink."

There was a brief pause. "Then go ahead – I'm not coming out!"

"Izzy! Do not tell me to go pee in the sink! Come out here right now and let me see you." Tai sighed as he heard his husband lean heavily against the bathroom door. He'd come home that afternoon, announcing his presence loudly like always, and instead of a usual smile or kiss or "we have the house to ourselves" greeting, Izzy had fled to the bathroom. After calming down his laughter from the unusual display, Tai had found out what had so upset his husband.

The man's glasses prescription had come in, and this was his first day to wear them.

"I'm not going to make fun of you, you know that," Tai tried once again, tapping his forehead against the door. He wasn't lying – he was ready to go in the sink if he had to.

"You make fun of _everyone_ ," Izzy told him. "You still call ShogenGekomon a fatass sometimes!"

"But I won't make fun of _you_ ," Tai pleaded. "You know I love you."

Another pause. They were coming more often now. "... Ok. I'm coming out."

Tai jumped back from the door. He had been expecting to spend at least another hour convincing the man of his undying love. The brunette put on his best "I approve" smile as the door cracked open. Izzy blinked shyly behind thin frames, the violet wire holding square lenses high on the bridge of his nose. There was already a smudge on the corner where he'd spent all morning adjusting and readjusting the unfamiliar weight.

" _Snrk._.." Tai bit his lip and slapped an hand over his mouth, trying to bite back the amused noise.

Instantly the door slammed shut and Izzy yelped from inside the bathroom, "You _laughed_! You promised, Tai!"

"No! I wasn't laughing at you, I swear!" Tai fell on the door, rolling on it and trying to force his love through it. "You just looked so... unbelievably adorable!"

The doorknob rattled and Tai almost fell as Izzy cracked the door again. Once more he looked through his frames into his suddenly-clearer world. "You sure? You're not laughing at me?"

Tai reached out to take Izzy's hand in his, kissing his knuckles. He pulled the man from the safety of the bathroom and smiled warmly. "I could never laugh at you. Now, Izzy, sweetheart..."

"Yes, Tai?" It warmed him to know how much his husband loved him.

"I wasn't lying when I said I had to pee. Move it."

* * *

October 2014:

"It's good news," Izzy told Tai over the phone. His husband was getting ready to board the flight that would take him home to Odaiba. "Dr. Motou called this morning, she said she found a suitable surrogate for us."

"That's great!" Tai cried. Genki was making chicken motions at him from across the hall, reminding him that he was hen-pecked. He flipped his teammate off, apologizing to their team manager, Yukiko, with a smile, and turned back to his nightly phone call. "When does she want us?"

"I told her we would be in tomorrow, do you think you'll be rested enough?" Izzy hadn't meant to get so excited about it. He worried for his husband's health.

"I'll be more than ready, Iz!" He laughed, irritating Genki who was going to have to sit next to him on the plane. "Just think – we're gonna be daddies!"

The speakers in the airport crackled to life, an adorable feminine voice calling, "Now boarding, flight 40 to Tokyo."

"Hey, I gotta go. I'll see you in a few hours, Iz!" Tai made a bunch of kissy noises into his phone as he hung up. He laughed and flung himself onto Genki, chattering excitedly as they moved to get on their plane. "Dude, help me come up with baby names! I could call him, uh, Shikaji. Or maybe Inomaru! What if I have a girl? Ooh, Ichigo would be cute. Or I can call her my little Himeka! What do you think?"

Genki groaned as he was tugged along, sending a desperately pleading look to Yukiko to let him switch seats, just this one time. "I think this is going to be the longest trip of my life..."

* * *

Izzy could barely look up from his shoes as he stood next to the counter, not even able to adjust his glasses as they slid down his nose. He wasn't sure what would be more embarrassing – handing over the "sample" or just turning and running out the clinic doors with it. The nurse was smiling encouragingly, toying with her faded pink buzz cut.

"Don't be shy now," she said with a Tai-brilliant smile. "We can't let our little buddies get too cold, now can we?"

Izzy didn't realize he could get any redder. It was hard to move, what with all the blood in his body rushing to his cheeks. He took a breath to steady his nerves, telling himself that this was the whole reason he was at the clinic that day, and yelped as Tai suddenly appeared next to him, slamming down his own genetic product in front of the nurse with a laugh.

"C'mon, Iz, let's do this!" the brunette cried excitedly. "Don't you want to know who has the fastest sperm? I wonder if I can convince the trophy guys down the street to make a little tiny medal for the baby - "Fastest Out of Millions"!"

Izzy put his sample on the counter just so he could use both hands to beat on his husband's shoulder. The nurse just giggled politely at the display, quickly snatching up the sample cups.

"I'm going to bring these to Dr. Motou," she announced to the couple who had stopped their faux fight. "I'll have you follow Nurse Rina to the procedure room where you can meet your surrogate."

The older nurse was smiling, though it was slightly strained. She obviously didn't enjoy her job as much as the pink-haired woman did. "Come this way."

Izzy followed the nurse, still glaring at his husband who was hanging off his arm. The brunette was unsurprisingly awake despite being too excited to sleep the night before. He'd chattered Izzy's ear off until the redhead had passed out on him and spent the next few hours until their appointment continuing to debate with himself on what to name his child. Even when Izzy's alarm had gone off and he'd stumbled to the kitchen to attempt to make coffee, Tai had bounced and jabbered at him, the noises only turning into words about the time they were clambering into the car. Tai continued to ignore his husband's wrath, overly pleased with himself at igniting his ire, and he all but bounced into the procedure room where their surrogate was waiting.

Dr. Motou was taking a young woman's blood pressure, just finishing saying something, as Nurse Rina ushered the two men inside. Smiling brightly on the examination table was a short woman with strawberry blonde hair pulled up into pigtails. Her green eyes sparkled behind her glasses as she laughed at something that made even the doctor smile.

"Ah, Messrs. Izumi," Dr. Motou greeted. "This is Joyu Horne, she's actually been a surrogate for several couples before."

"Hi," the girl squealed happily. "It's so great to meet you guys! I'm totally psyched, this is going to be my sixth time to be a surrogate." She clasped her hands at her chest and sighed dreamily. "I just love being pregnant – it's the best feeling in the world, you know? Oh, well, I guess you wouldn't."

Tai laughed, shaking Joyu's hand as Dr. Motou stepped away, marking something on a clipboard. "You remind me of my friend, Mimi."

"Oh, you know Mimi Tachikawa?" Joyu gasped, words tumbling out of her mouth almost faster than the two men could understand them. "Oh my god, she's like, my favorite actress of all time! I have all her old CDs and singles and even that Teenage Wolves CD she was on before she got big! Have you seen the pictures of her son in the tabloids yet? Russell is just so _cute_!"

The pink-haired nurse stuck her head in the room, much to Nurse Rina's irritation. "Dr. Motou? We're ready now."

"Thank you, Nurse Akikokoro." The doctor smiled at the two men. "Will you be staying for the procedure?"

"No, ma'am," Izzy said, turning red as Tai giggled at his husband's awkwardness. "I wouldn't wish to intrude on such a personal, ah, process."

"It's no problem" Joyu said with an easy laugh. "I've had plenty of guys look at my vagina before, and it's not like you're _not_ going to see it eventually."

Izzy blushed furiously and turned out of the room, saying loudly, "I'm going to pay at the nurse's station. It was very nice to meet you Miss. Horne."

Tai waved goodbye, calling out before he had to run after his husband, "We'll make a follow up appointment for a few weeks from now. See ya, Joyu."

* * *

March 2015

"I'm so excited for you, big brother," Kari said happily. "You get to find out the baby's gender today, and – Lucian! You leave Mr. Tinkles _alone_! You and Kazuki have already traumatized her _enough_!"

There was a loud giggling on the other end of the line, presumably as her three and two year olds terrorized the aforementioned cat. Tai shifted his cell phone from one shoulder to the next, ignoring Izzy as he squeaked. So what if he had swerved slightly into the other lane? It wasn't like they weren't going to a hospital anyway.

"You sound thoroughly distressed," Tai laughed. "God, are _we_ going to be so tired?"

"If you aren't, I swear I'll murder you to get your powers," Kari grumbled. "But like I was saying – Kazuki, no, sweetie! Get that out of your mouth, you don't know where that's been! And Lucian, don't think I don't see you. Get your hand _out_ of there!"

"Tai!" Izzy yelped. He had briefly considered taking his glasses off just so he wouldn't have to see his imminent death. "Eyes on the road! It's illegal to be on your phone while driving, anyway."

"Then here, you talk to her." Tai tossed his phone casually across the car. "We're almost there anyway."

Izzy grabbed the phone, trying not to tap the "End Call" button on the screen as he brought it to his ear. "Kari?"

"Izzy, it's good to hear from you. How have things been?" He listened as Kari ushered her boys into the living room with her so she could sit for a few minutes. "I'm sorry I haven't been by to visit too often lately."

"It's fine, Kari. How has TK been?"

Tai grumbled something to the steering wheel as Kari sighed. "He's... ok, I guess. I dunno, after Matt got married he keeps trying to get reinvolved in his life, but it seems the damage is done. I think we've talked to him on the phone maybe once or twice since Hanako was born. I swear, they live just a few streets over, but it's like they're on a whole other _planet_ with how often we see them."

"You see them more than we do, apparently," Izzy said as Tai pulled up to the hospital, parking in their usual spot. "I, honestly, didn't know Matt had a child."

"Matt has a kid?" Tai yelped, almost falling out of the car. "When the hell did this happen? Why didn't he say anything to us?"

As Izzy reiterated what his husband had said, the speaker crackled as Kari shrugged. "It must have been after his wedding."

"That son of a bitch got _married_? Motherfucker could have at least _told_ us," Tai grumbled as Izzy swatted at him for his language. "Don't get mad at me, Iz. I made him my best man, and he goes off and elopes, or some shit."

"Perhaps he didn't want to announce his marriage until he was ready," Izzy attempted to placate. They entered the main lobby and approached the desk to find out where Joyu's room was.

"Nuts to that," Tai declared. "Next time I see him, I'm gonna kick his ass, just watch me."

"Tai," Izzy hissed as the people waiting glared at them. "Watch your mouth! Sorry, Kari."

Kari laughed. "Don't worry, he's always been foul. Kazuki? Where are you going?"

Tai just shrugged as Izzy gave an apologetic look to the nurse sitting at the desk.

"You sound like you're busy, so I'll let you go," Kari told Izzy. "Just promise me one thing?"

"Sure, what is it?" Kari never asked for anything.

There was a scream of laughter from the other end and a terrified yowl and Kari growled. "Promise me, _please_ , that you won't have a boy. Lucian! What did I tell you about the cat?"

Izzy couldn't help the laugh as the line clicked dead. His poor sister-in-law sounded so haggard, and yet so lively. He hoped he would be so full of love for his own child.

"What's up with Kari, huh?" Tai asked, stepping away from the desk. He'd gotten the room number while Izzy had been talking. "She sounds like she's having fun."

"I'm sure we'll sound just like that with our own child," Izzy responded with a happy smile. Despite her agitation, Kari had indeed sounded so very happy and fulfilled. They reached the elevator and Izzy asked as Tai pushed the button for the third floor, "Have you decided on a name?"

"Yeah, me and Genki were talking about it the other day." Tai grinned as the lift began to move. "I wanna name him Nakayama, after Masashi Nakayama."

"Who?" Izzy thought he recognized the name, but he wasn't sure.

"Oh come on," Tai sighed. "He's the whole reason I started playing soccer in the first place – he's been winning awards practically since before I was _born_. He still has the record for being the all time top scorer and he retired a few years ago." Tai's eyes took on a dreamy look. "The only thing better than being on the national team would be being the one to beat his records!" Izzy smiled at how excited his husband was, blushing as he was asked, "What about you? Did you think of anything?"

"Ah, I'm not as passionate about my name as you seem to be," Izzy said. "But I was thinking of Jaciru."

"Jaciru?" Tai tilted his head. "I don't know that name."

Izzy blushed again. "I based it on J. C. R. Licklider's initials."

"I have no idea who that is," Tai announced and Izzy made a face.

"He's only the most important figure in Internet history."

"Well, you've seen _my_ internet history," Tai began, laughing as Izzy shoved him.

"Without him, there wouldn't _be_ an Internet – he envisioned a worldwide computer network system that all was connected to each other. Without him, I doubt there would have ever _been_ a Digital World."

Tai chewed his tongue and thought as they walked down the hall. "Man, my name sucks in comparison, now."

Izzy shook his head when he realized how passionate he'd gotten. "Don't say that. Jaciru is just a name I've been toying with. I think Nakayama is a fine name for a child."

"But yours is so much more..." Tai thought as they found the examination room. "Thoughtful."

"What's thoughtful?" Joyu asked from where she was laid out on an uncomfortable looking table.

"We're discussing what to name the baby," Tai said, taking his usual seat next to her. "How have you been since last time?"

The blonde smiled and went to pat her large belly, grimacing when she touched the gel coating it. "I'm as big as a house but at least I stopped puking in the afternoons. I wonder why I don't get morning sickness like every other woman? I've always thrown up around lunchtime with each pregnancy. Don't you think that's weird?"

Tai shrugged with an easy smile. "As far as I know, that's normal."

"It's perfectly fine," Dr. Motou said with her usual sweetness. "Now, how about we see the little one, hm?"

The sensor was placed on Joyu's stomach and it took a moment for the screen to blink to life. Tai and Izzy watched with fascination as the blacks and grays shifted, twitching together, as the sensor moved back and forth.

"Where are we...?" Dr. Motou murmured, looking at the screen. "For such a big area, you sure are small... Ah. There it is." Tai took Izzy's hand in his as the blurs and streaks slowly came into focus. First came the head, then little arms and tiny legs. There were a few dark shadows, but anytime Dr. Motou tried to move the sensor to them, the baby shifted, covering them up.

"This one is just a little squirmer, isn't it?" Joyu laughed.

"Is everything ok?" Tai asked.

"Perfectly fine," Dr. Motou said. "Possible buildup of amniotic fluids, but nothing serious." She stopped chasing shadows and pointed to something on the screen. "Right there, do you see? An itty bitty gap. Congratulations, you're having a little girl."

"Oh, how sweet," Joyu cried. "I love little girls, they're always such cute little things!"

"Look at that, Iz," Tai laughed. "I guess I'll have to wait to use Nakayama."

"It was a wonderful name," Izzy said, unable to control his smile. A little girl. His little Jaciru. Their child. Izzy cursed his glasses as he had to reach behind them to wipe his eyes. He loved her already.

* * *

May 2015

Izzy had come back from his second shower and had just fallen asleep when Tai got the call. He usually didn't have his cell phone on this late at night (or early in the morning, as Izzy pointed out as he crawled under the covers), so he almost didn't answer it. He was content to just let it go to voicemail in favor of watching his husband snore, but the redhead was woken by the jingle.

"Tai, get it," Izzy slurred, face buried in the other side of his pillow. He'd had to flip it before his shower, promising to wash the sheets when there was daylight again. "That dumb ringtone is driving me crazy."

"What, you don't like ABBA?" Tai laughed. He'd chosen the song just because he knew he would rather talk to whoever was on the other end than listen to that mindless drivel any longer. But he acquiesced as Izzy turned to glare at him, or squint at him whichever it was, and Tai answered the phone with his usual too-chipper greeting, "Hello, this is Tai."

Izzy was just nuzzling back into his pillow, smelling the remnants of their weekly "good to see you"s when he felt Tai suddenly throw himself from the bed in a hurry. He blinked sleepily as his pants were tossed at his head. "Tai? What's the matter?"

"Get dressed, we need to go to the hospital."

Izzy sat up, shaking the sleep from his mind as best he could. "What happened? Is Kari ok?"

"It's Joyu – she was in a car accident." Tai pulled his shirt on after sniffing it to make sure it hadn't been used as a hand towel. Izzy was trying to coordinate his hands and arms, almost falling over as he pulled on his slacks. "Nurse Akikokoro said she'll be fine, but the shock sent her into premature labor."

"But Joyu's not due for nearly three months!" Izzy cried. The fear was making it easier to get dressed. "Will Jaciru be ok?"

"She said that it can go either way right now. They're going to do an emergency C-section on her." Izzy looked as dressed as he was going to get, so Tai took him by the arm and dragged him down the hall. They didn't even bother putting on their shoes as Tai drove them down to the hospital, his feet sliding around in his house slippers.

* * *

"I'm sorry," Joyu said softly when Tai and Izzy approached her. Her voice was rough from crying, and she couldn't bring herself to her usual fast pace. "I shouldn't have been out so late..."

"It's fine," Izzy comforted. He was still trying hard not to grimace at the woman laid out in the bed. Her face was black and blue from the airbag deploying and breaking her nose, and one of her legs was in a cast where it had been trapped under her dashboard. She was still in a brace for her neck, though she reassured them she would be fine. The bandages on her stomach were her biggest worry. "You couldn't have foreseen this happening, Joyu."

"Just make sure Jaciru is ok for me," she cried, the tears hurting as they rolled down her bruised cheeks.

"Come one, now," Nurse Rina said. "Miss. Horne needs her rest." She eyed the two men, remembering them after a moment. "Follow me to the NICU."

Izzy was stumbling over his own feet, Tai holding him steady with his own shaking hands. Together, the trio found themselves standing in a small room with several isolettes, the gentle hum of machinery oddly comforting. There was a small baby, much smaller than they'd even imagined, barely breathing in its plastic tank, and even Tai felt ill to see the tubes and wires connected to the tiny skull and limbs.

A young nurse, nametag declaring her to be "Shizume, Neonatal Nurse", looked up and gave a comforting smile. "Nurse Akikokoro told me she was sending the fathers up. Congratulations, you had twins. A little boy," she placed her hand on the isolette that contained a tiny little thing with a brush of brunette hair, "and a girl, a big sister by two minutes."

Izzy looked at the second baby, heart breaking when he saw the bandages wrapped around her head. "What happened to her? Was it... the accident?"

"Not quite," Nurse Shizume sighed gently. "She just – oop, there she goes again."

With a surprising amount of dexterity for a newborn, the tiny girl with red fuzz barely seen beyond her bandages twisted in her isolette, howling as the IV in her head tore out.

Tai blanched at the small spray of blood as Nurse Rina quickly ushered out the two men. "Go on, now. Nurse Shizume can take care of this." For the first time since their first visit to the hospital, the older nurse smiled as comfortingly as she could manage. "Just be strong for your children, that's all you can do for now."


	12. Chapter 12

_When you kiss my nose_

_The feeling shows_

* * *

August 2015:

At first, it was really touch and go. Izzy spent most of his time in the NICU, just sitting between his children, offering all the love and support he could through thick plastic walls. Tai had even taken time off from playing soccer, threatening to quit if he had to in order to make sure he was there every second he was needed. Yukiko had just patted him on the shoulder, sending him away, and told him, "Take as much time as you need, your spot will always be open for you."

Too often, Jaciru, the fiery little girl who now sported two white scars on the top of her forehead, would find a way to wriggle out of her IV needles, scaring every nurse in the room as her monitors stopped for a heartbreaking second before they could be reinserted. Nakayama was more prone to sleep apnea, his body jerking and shaking until he could breathe once more. Every neonatal nurse knew the family by name, pausing to wish the children good morning, or wake Tai out of stress-induced nightmares at the end of visiting hours as he tended to fall asleep in the chair pulled close to Jaciru's isolette. Both children, however, could barely eat with underdeveloped tongues and spent most of their time with feeding tubes filling them with nourishment.

Izzy spent more nights crying against Tai's chest than he could ever remember doing in his whole life. His husband tried to console him, telling his younger lover that the hospital would do everything they could for the children, but it was hard to pull him from that emotional rut he almost never allowed himself to fall into. Kari stopped by often, though TK had quickly learned of her whereabouts and refused to let his children accompany her. He claimed he didn't want Lucian and Kazuki to be haunted by the barest memories of a hospital, but she could hear the argument he didn't want to start – that he didn't want them thinking of Tai and Izzy as a "real" family. Even Kae and Masami found themselves at their child's house, cleaning and cooking as they called it their special treat, though their not-so-hidden agenda was to ensure Izzy didn't fall too far back into his childhood numbness.

But it was in late summer when Nurse Akikokoro met them with a brilliant smile as they stepped off the elevator.

"Wonderful news," she cooed. "Nurse Shizume says that Jaciru and Nakayama will be able to go home today."

Tai wrapped his arms around Izzy's shoulders and the redhead buried his face in his chest, not even noticing his glasses biting into the bridge of his nose. "Thank God..."

"Don't break down here, you two," Nurse Akikokoro said sweetly, her own eyes moist. "There's still plenty left to do for those babies in there for the rest of their lives, now. Come with me, and Nurse Shizume will instruct you on how to care for your little darlings."

Somehow their feet moved and they stumbled into the NICU where Nurse Shizume was waiting. For the first time, Jaciru and Nakayama were out of their isolettes, wrapped in warm blankets, the elder pink and the younger blue. Very gently, Tai took hold of his son, and Izzy was handed his daughter, the infant wriggling in her usual impatience. He shushed her as he'd seen Kari do to Kazuki so many times.

"You'll have to understand," Nurse Shizume told them. "Being born so early in the pregnancy, their development will be somewhat stunted, but they should catch up around twenty four to thirty six months.

"We'll send you home with a specialized formula to encourage growth, but you must feed them _at least_ eight times a day, up to ten times if needed. If they go any longer than four hours between feedings, they could become dehydrated. They will spit up, all babies do, but make sure they are eating and holding their formula down. Don't rush them on solid foods, it might take up to six months before they're ready.

"Do _not_ let anyone who is ill near them if you can at all help it. Their immune systems are still underdeveloped. Keep them at home and away from even small gatherings for around three months. Be sure to keep an eye out for illnesses, ok? Even the smallest bug can turn into something serious.

"When you come in for immunizations, we may recommend additional shots, depends on how they've managed to develop.

"Now, Jaciru and Nakayama will end up sleeping for longer than other full-term babies, but that's ok. They just need more rest than others, but that also means they'll wake up more often, so prepare for that.

"Just like any other baby, you can play with them, hold them, but just keep an eye out for them getting cranky. Any fussing, they can be put to bed for some nice quiet time." Nurse Shizume smiled as Jaciru made a squeal, twisting in Izzy's arms as though she knew she were almost free of the hospital. "I see someone's feisty as ever. Nurse Akikokoro will lead you downstairs, and hopefully I won't have to see you sweet little things ever again."

* * *

November 2015:

Tai woke up, blinking wearily into his pillow. Had the babies woken him up again? God, what time was it? The brunette pushed himself sitting up, yawning as he looked over at his alarm clock.

"Izzy? Hey, Iz!" Tai reach over to shake his husband's shoulder.

"No," the redhead murmured in exhaustion. "I fed them last time..."

"Dude, check it out!" Izzy cracked open one eye to find out what was so damn important. "It's eight in the morning – Jaci and Kaya slept through the night!"

"Wonderful," Izzy grunted, nuzzling back into his pillow. "Too bad I didn't..."

"Look," Tai sighed, relaxing back to roll on his lover. "I already apologized for stealing the covers all night." Izzy grumbled something that might have been a curse. "But at least I warmed you up again, didn't I?"

Izzy made a noise somewhere between a squeak and a grunt as Tai trailed his fingers over his shoulder. "... That reminds me, I still need a shower."

Tai laughed as the redhead wiggled out of the bed, staggering to the shower and not even bothering to put his glasses on first. He considered joining the man for a brief moment, but he knew that would turn into a few minutes and _that_ would turn into an hour or so, and Jaciru and Nakayama needed breakfast soon. He grabbed a shirt off the floor that didn't smell too terrible and a pair of boxers that looked clean enough and stretched as he padded down the long hallway from the bedroom to the kitchen.

He passed by the nursery, glancing in to see the twin cribs, and smiling at his sleeping children. Nakayama's hair was growing in, thick and brown just like his, and Tai was already trying to spike it up just like he always had his. Jaciru had just a small amount of red down on the top of her head, not enough to cover her small scars from the IVs she'd kept ripping out but enough to give her some color, and it frizzed every which way.

Quietly, he snuck the rest of the way across the large house. He didn't want to wake his children before they were ready, and Izzy tended to be the one to carry them to breakfast anyway. If only he could decide on what to make...

Izzy turned off the soaking heat of the shower, splashing himself with an icy blast for just a second to help wake himself up. He could smell the coffee wafting into the bedroom, God bless his husband, and he could already hear the tiny hiccupps and whimpers that told him Jaciru was waking up. Nakayama was much quieter in the mornings, sometimes not alerting anyone to his presence until he was ready to howl with hunger. He dried his hair, cleaned his glasses, and dressed in comfortable slacks and a button up shirt he had hanging in the back of the closet, emerging just in time to hear Jaciru announce her displeasure at being awake with noone around.

"Hold on, hold on," he called down the hall, hearing his child lower her voice just slightly at the sound of his. She was such a social little creature, he'd come to realize, and he smiled when he stepped into the babies' room. Jaciru was reaching through the bars of her crib and into her brother's, set up directly next to hers, her tiny fingers grabbing the foot of his pajamas. Her black eyes were sparkling and she shoved a hand in her mouth, drooling and cooing, as Nakayama blinked wide oak orbs at his father. It seemed his sister had woken him of her own accord, and he now looked at the redheaded man, as though he were begging to be saved from the loud irritation.

"Believe me, Kaya," Izzy laughed, reaching down to pick up his son. His daughter gurgled in jealousy. "I would much rather be in silence sometimes, too."

"Iz!" came the call from the kitchen. "Hurry up, or it'll get cold!"

Izzy took Jaciru in his other arm, the baby collapsing against his shoulder and kissing slobbery bubbles on his neck. "But sometimes loud can be nice."

* * *

"C'mon, Jaci, don't hold out on me," Tai laughed, tickling her exposed belly. She'd spit up most of her lunch already and Izzy had taken her shirt to the washing machine to clean along with Tai's old soccer uniform. Yukiko had invited her star player back for the newest season, and he would be going back to his old training camp schedule soon. "I heard that, you know."

"What did you hear?" Izzy asked, emerging from the garage where the laundry area was kept. He wished Tai had listened to reason when they'd built the house, as it tended to get very cold in the winter and it almost made him not want to do laundry.

"I think Jaci's trying to talk," Tai said as he was kissed on the cheek. Nakayama had been pulled from his highchair, looking to his sister with expectant eyes as he was bounced very gently on Izzy's hip. "Kaya knows what's up, don't you, dude?"

"I supposed she should be almost ready," the redhead said, trying to think back to everything Nurse Akikokoro had said about their children's life stages. "She's already so noisy all the time."

"Gets it from her papa, huh?" Tai grinned and poked Jaciru's freshly wiped cheek. "Can you say that? Can you say 'papa'?"

Jaciru puffed her cheeks and made a motion with her lips Tai always called "fishing". A gentle noise started in the back of her throat as she watched her father make those strange sounds again.

"C'mon, 'papa', 'paa-paa'."

"Give her time, Tai. She won't be calling us 'Papa' for a while yet."

"'Us'?" Tai laughed as Izzy sat next to him, gently stroking Nakayama's hair and trying to pick out the bits of strained vegetable that had gotten in it. "Please, if anything, you'd be 'Mama'."

Izzy glared and opened his mouth, ready to chastise his husband playfully when Jaciru squealed a peal of laughter and cried out, "Ma! Mama-mama!"

"Now look what you've made her do," Izzy sighed in mock irritation as Jaciru continued to hum happy "mmm"s. "I will _not_ be 'Mama', you know."

Tai was laughing loud enough to echo down the hallways. "Don't be like that, Iz." He grinned at his children. "What do you think, Kaya? Do you have a Mama?"

Nakayama sucked on his fingers for a moment, looking between his parents. The loud noises his father made seemed comforting to his sister, but he much preferred the quieter one holding him in his lap. He reached out and grabbed Izzy's glasses with his dripping hand and chirped, "Mma... Ma..."

Izzy sighed in defeat as Tai continued to howl.

* * *

January 2016:

Tai was sprawled on the couch, changed out of his formal wear and back into his spit-up-stained blue shirt, and Jaciru was sitting on his chest. He had her pudgy little hands in his fingers, waving them up and down, and he sang at her as she smiled and drooled.

" _Little bug, little bug, fly through my window. Little bug, little bug, fly through my window. Little bug, little bug, fly through my window, find molasses candy._ "

"Little bird," Izzy said from the kitchen as he spooned another bite into Nakayama's mouth. The baby made happy little smacking noises as he sucked on the rubber end. The redhead was actually rather glad they'd managed to come home before the sitter had to feed the kids, as Nakayama had a bad habit of letting the spoon sit _under_ his tongue instead of actually eating.

"What?" Tai turned toward his husband's voice. He could just see the back of Izzy's head from where he was.

"It's 'Little Bird', not 'Bug'. You know, like Whippoorwill, or Blue Jay." Izzy tried to fish the last of the mash from the small jar, the baby reaching for his hands.

"That's stupid," Tai decided after a moment. "Why do birds want candy?"

"I didn't write the song, but it's most likely because birds are much more child-friendly than bugs." Nakayama ate his last bite and Izzy went to toss the jar and wash the spoon. He was glad he'd decided to change as well, as little bits of baby food had found their way onto his pants.

"Well whatever, me and Jaciru think birds are dumb, don't we?" Tai hoisted Jaciru into the air, laughing along with his daughter's giggle. "Bugs are _much_ cooler, anyway."

"Tai, be careful with her," Izzy chastised as he carefully pulled Nakayama from his highchair. "I just finished feeding her and -"

"Papa! Papa-papa- _blagh_ ," with a happy burble, Jaciru opened her mouth and spat up all over Tai's chest.

The brunette blinked as the warm orange goo dripped down his shirt before laughing. "I love my baby!"

Jaciru babbled and giggled as Izzy sighed. He held Nakayama to his shoulder, rubbing soothingly along the child's back. "When she settles back down, be sure to feed her again, ok? That girl Davis recommended is a good babysitter, but she's not too good at feeding, so that _used to be_ her mid-morning meal."

"I will," Tai said, shifting his legs so Izzy could join them on the couch. The redhead had long since stopped telling Tai to get rid of that gross shirt. "Hey, didn't Michiru look adorable in her little flower girl dress? Almost makes me wish we'd had the kids at _our_ wedding."

Izzy smiled as he remembered the small-yet-grand affair for Yolie and Ken's wedding. If Mimi hadn't been the great actress she was, she could certainly make a living as a wedding planner. The five year old had been absolutely precious, leaving a tiny trail of single rose petals down the isle set up in the park across from Ken's apartment only to dump the rest of the basket on her father's feet and hide herself in her mother's dress that showed the barest hint of her latest pregnancy.

Nakayama curled into Izzy's shoulder as his back was rubbed and patted, and he made a series of grunts that lead to a full fledged burp. He crooned happily and reached up for his father's glasses, chirping, "Mama. Ma- _ma_."

"Yes, Kaya," Izzy sighed, glaring at Tai once again. "I'm your Mama."

Tai stuck his tongue out and giggled as Jaciru reached out to stick a finger up his nose, babbling, "Bubu-buu, bubu-buu..."

"Is she trying to say something?" Tai asked with a snort, shaking his nose free of intruding digits.

Jaciru made the same snort, snot sprinkling her chest, and she babbled again, "Bubu-buu, bubu-buu..."

"I think she's trying to sing," Izzy said in warm amazement. "Try that lullaby again."

" _Little bug, little bug, fly through my window_..." Tai chanted.

"Bubu-buu, bubu-buu, ba ba ma pupuu..." Jaciru repeated.

"It's 'bird', Tai," Izzy corrected, proud of his daughter.

"No!" Tai demanded, pulling Jaciru into a tight hug. They would both need a shower after this. "It's 'bug' now!"

* * *

May 2016:

"I can't believe you don't own a calculator," Kari sighed as she continued to rummage through the kitchen drawers. The smell of birthday cake filled the house and the sound of the guests was a peaceful rumble from where she was. "How does any sane person _not_ own one, nowadays."

"Because, dude, I have Izzy," Tai responded with a shrug. How had he let his sister talk him into doing this? "And when I don't have him, I have my phone."

"Then give me _that_ ," Kari insisted, and Tai gasped dramatically.

"My phone is practically my _life_ , by now. I can't let Kaya and Bug just... drool all over it."

"It's not like we're going to let them keep it. Besides, what if they don't touch your phone, hm?"

"Oh please, Bug already keeps trying to chew on my phone, why would she not go for it?" Tai dug his cell out of his pocket and Kari snatched the item before he could regret it.

Kari ignored her brother as he yelped and waltzed back into the living room, announcing happily, "We got it!"

The group of adults cheered and Tai sauntered over to his husband, kissing him on the cheek. "Remind me why we're doing this?"

"Because," Davis replied, throwing his arm around Tai's shoulders. His four year old son was watching Michiru eat her cake, waiting for the five year old to get bored with it so he could swoop in. "It's, like, tradition, or something. We did this with Daimu, didn't we?"

The brunette boy looked up and grinned at his father. "I got the scissors!"

"You're gonna be my badass little housewife, aren't you?" Davis laughed and Daimu gave him a thumbs up, picking crumbs out of the goggles around his neck.

"You're not supposed to give boys scissors," Yolie snorted. She had been in a bad mood since Ken had left to live in the police academy dorms, wishing he didn't have to be gone for seven months to train. "That's a girl item."

Davis shrugged. "No one told me that."

The heavily pregnant woman would have pointed out that it was the wife's duty to pay attention, but she didn't want to say anything bad about Natsumi, the young woman having given up her life in exchange for Daimu's survival during his birth. Instead, she turned her attention to Mimi, snatching up her two year old boy with a squeal. "Oh, Russell, you're getting so big!"

"He's my sweet little baby boy," Mimi crooned, running her fingers through his chestnut hair. It was growing so long, she constantly had to remind people she had a son, not a daughter. Then again, it could have been because of his pink hoodie, but she thought he looked just so adorable in it. "Who's Mommy's little precious? You are!"

Russell giggled, flailing his hands and almost knocking Yolie's glasses off her face. The purple haired girl laughed and tickled his chest to elicit a shrieking peal of mirth that made everyone in the room flinch.

"C'mon you guys," Joe said from the couch with a smile. "If we don't get this done, I think Jaciru's going to get up and leave."

The little girl, secure in the blue-haired man's arms was squirming impatiently. She was much happier on the ground where she was still perfecting walking than being cooped up in a gentle embrace. Nakayama was sitting on the cushions next to her, having no trouble staying still, though he continued to look around at the odd gathering of people. He still had frosting smeared across his cheeks and he turned away whenever his aunt tried to snap a picture of the twins together.

"All right, everyone," Kari called, setting Tai's phone on the floor amidst the other objects, making sure the calculator app was on. "It's the moment of truth!"

Another cheer rose from the adults, and even Michiru and Daimu clapped, though they still weren't sure what everyone was so excited about. Joe grabbed his wriggling charge and carefully set her on the rug, helping Nakayama jump down and toddle over to his sister.

"Come on, Jaci! Go, Kaya!" Mimi cheered, clapping Russell's hands together. "Grab the money!"

"No way, the rice – the rice!" Davis hollered. "Then you can come work at my noodle cart!"

Nakayama puffed his cheeks, taking a step and falling on his butt. He looked owlishly at the pen making Joe groan, "Not that one."

Jaciru flopped on the floor, rolling around and inching toward the safety scissors Kari had brought from home.

"Are you gonna be a little housewife like your Mama?" Tai asked, grunting as Izzy punched him in the arm. "Man, it's starting to hurt when you do that."

"Sometimes it's supposed to," Izzy said with a playful glare. "Go ahead, Jaci – choose something."

Nakayama got to his hands and knees, trying to stand again, but Jaciru put her hands on his head, using him to push herself up. The little boy grunted as he fell, his sister not caring as she began to slowly and carefully toddle toward the book.

Izzy made a face, smiling warmly, "I didn't mean that one..."

Jaciru turned to look at her father for a moment before continuing her mission. Kari readied her camera, ready to snap a picture of the toddler grabbing the book, when she walked right by it.

"Where are you going?" the woman laughed as Jaciru wandered closer. "Did you want this?"

Jaciru watched as Kari offered her digital camera. For a moment, she seemed ready to grab it and end this adorable ceremony, but her black eyes suddenly focused on something else and she squealed happily. She only managed to take another three steps before falling to her hands and knees, but she crawled the rest of the way under Izzy's desk.

"Tai, what did you leave under there?" Izzy asked. "I keep telling you to pick up your stuff and – No, Jaci, sweetie, don't put your mouth on that!"

Tai looked over, worried about his daughter sticking some odd wire in her mouth, and then laughed. His little girl had found his soccer ball and was currently sucking at the yellowed vinyl. "Way to go, baby! You be a big, popular player like your Papa!"

Jaciru squealed around the soccer ball, not even minding as Kari took a quick series of shots with her camera.

"Hey, check it out, there goes Kaya!" Yolie called as Michiru ran up to her. The little girl wanted more cake, but her mother hushed her. "We'll get some after Kaya chooses."

"Let's go, Kaya!" Davis cheered.

The little boy looked at the loud adults surrounding him. His sister was still joyfully gnawing her newfound treasure and screaming anytime Izzy tried to take it from her. They all seemed to want something from him, and he was sure it had to do with the stuff on the floor. He looked at the objects again, carefully considering each one. Some of them, when he looked at them, made the adults cheer, and others made them make funny noises like when he put both his feet in his mouth. But none of them seemed too disappointed in him, so he crawled over to the shiniest thing and grabbed it.

"Calculator!" Joe cheered, quickly rescuing the phone before Nakayama could try and eat it.

"Math and soccer," Davis laughed. "Did you two have kids or make clones?"

Izzy blushed, pushing his glasses up his nose self-consciously. Before he could open his mouth to defend himself, Michiru cried loudly, "Cake! I want cake, Mommy!"

"Yeah, Pop, I want more cake!" Daimu agreed happily.

"All right, you guys, let's get this party going again!" Tai cried with a laugh.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted as a separate oneshot on ff.n, so there might be a few inconsistencies.

July 2018:

Tai stepped off the plane as the crowd at the airport cheered. He waved along with the rest of his team and yawned, glad to be out of Italy and back on his home soil despite his jet lag. He hoped Izzy would forgive his tiredness and maybe let him sneak in a nap on the way home. The landing was roped off and Yukiko had set it upon herself to gather her team's luggage. Tai watched her leave, scanning the crowd for the familiar mop of red hair. _'He's so short,'_ Tai reminded himself, _'He might just be buried behind someone.'_

But his short lover was nowhere to be seen, and Tai found himself panicking slightly. "Yuki-chan!" He called. "You haven't gotten a call or anything, have you?"

The dark haired manager hauled a blue suitcase off the spindle. "A call? Oh, I never turned the emergency phone back on!"

She pulled out an ancient flip phone, holding the button to bring it to life. "Is something wrong?" She asked, waiting for it to blip on.

"I'm not sure..."

_Ba-ding!_

Yukiko held the phone to her ear, mouthing, "One message."

Tai strained to listen to the tinny voice that tried to desperately escape the old speaker. Yukiko listened intently, brow furrowing before she gasped. She quickly began dialing a number, whispering breathlessly, "I'm going to get you a cab, Tai. You need to go home right away."

Fear froze Tai's heart. "Are my kids ok?"

"They're fine, but your husband needs you."

"I-Izzy! Is he ok?!"

"Go," was all Yukiko would tell him. "I'm getting you a cab now. I'll send someone with your things."

Tai ran down the airport corridors, thankful for once that he spent so much time in them. He found each shortcut, ducking behind every wall he could to avoid the crowd, eagerly welcoming home their World Cup champions.

True to his manager's word, there was a cab waiting in the parking lot and Tai flew inside. He didn't even have to tell the driver where to go, Yukiko already having given the address. He fretted the whole, excruciatingly long way to Odaiba, running his hands through his hair over and over, yanking out the dark strands. Every moment that passed, he could only spend in horror that some terrible accident had befallen Izzy or, despite Yukiko's reassurances, either of his kids.

The cab pulled over in front of his house and Tai gave the man everything in his wallet. There was plenty more in his bank, and he honestly wasn't worried about it at the moment. He ran over, flinging open the door. He felt his knees grow weak and almost cried in relief as he saw his husband sitting in the foyer, worried and hazy-eyed, but alive and in one piece.

"Izzy?" He called. As though in a daze, the younger man finally looked up. "Izzy, is everything ok? Are the kids all right?"

"They're fine," Izzy told him. "They're safe and I already dropped them off with my parents. Tai..." He swallowed hard. "It's your dad. He's in the hospital. He had a heart attack."

Izzy reached out as Tai almost collapsed. "Is he going to be ok? When did this happen?!"

"It was last night. They rushed him to the ER. The doctor says he's weak. Kari and your mom are already there with him." Izzy placed a shaking hand on his husband's shoulder. "I'll drive us downtown."

"Yeah... Let's go."

* * *

Shinjuku Hospital loomed ominously overhead, Tai watching the building while dread filled the pit of his stomach. Though he normally preferred to drive, he could only sit, slumped in the passenger side. Izzy was beside himself. He wanted nothing more than to hold and reassure his husband, to kiss him and tell him everything was going to be all right.

He pulled into the dropoff zone, asking softly, "Tai? Do you want me to come in, too?"

Tai gave him an odd look, one Izzy hadn't seen since long ago in the Digital World. A flash of desperation and longing darkened Tai's eyes before he shook his head.

"Just... know I love you." He reached out, taking Izzy's hand and kissing his knuckles.

A car behind them honked impatiently, and Tai jerked away suddenly, as though he'd forgotten where he was. Before Izzy could say anything, the tall brunette took off to the lobby.

The nurse at the desk was a sweet young thing, one Tai would have flirted with under different circumstances, who earnestly looked sympathetic as she looked in her computer.

"Kamiya, Susumu. He was taken out of ICU this morning. He's on the fifth floor, room 529. He is currently accepting visitors."

Tai made a movement that might have been a nod and drifted off to the elevators. He wasn't aware of when he'd done it, but the number 5 button was lit up and the lift was slowly climbing into the sky. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he missed Izzy, knowing the short redhead would be appalled at his manners. One of his polite chastisements would be more than welcome right now.

The elevator stopped at each floor, agonizingly slow as it opened and closed its doors for busy nurses and distracted families. He was glad, for once, that there was no recognition in the faces around him, and he was free to dwell in his own thoughts. He really hoped that his father was still out of it when he arrived.

The bell dinged and the button for his floor dimmed. A nurse, reading a chart to an important-looking doctor pushed past him. Tai tried to move his legs, though his feet felt bolted to the ground. He'd been so worried about his father that he hadn't even considered the fact that they hadn't seen each other in so long. He was about to let the doors slide shut, burying him behind thin metal sheets, when his name was called out.

"Tai! Thank God!"

His sister was standing down the hall. He could see from where he was how red her eyes were. Even if he wasn't sure about his father, he knew his sister, at least, needed him. She ran to him, meeting him halfway and throwing herself into his chest. She cried into his shirt as he held her tight.

"Kari, how... how is he?"

"Mom's in with him now. They said he was at his desk at the office and just..." She sniffled. "Grabbed his chest and collapsed."

Tai rubbed her back, blinking through a teary haze. He felt a sob rise in his throat, but he refused to let it pass. He had to stay strong for his sister whose light was dimming quickly. He walked her down the hall, taking a seat at the bench sitting just outside the room marked "Kamiya".

"Is TK here with you?" He asked softly, letting her rest her head on his shoulder.

"No, he said he needed to speak to God." She pulled a soaked tissue from her pocket and dabbed her eyes. "He's been to Confession every day this week, I think God can hear him."

"TK's been... hurting, since Patamon left. Church is the only thing he has left to connect them."

"I know. I just wish he would spend as much time with the kids as he did at that church." Tai hugged her tight, kissing her on the top of her head. "Though, to be honest, I have been thinking about going to the chapel on the first floor."

"The nurse said he was going to be all right," Tai told her. "Faith isn't only about going to church."

Kari nodded at her brother's serene wisdom. She blew her nose and took a quivering breath as the door opened. Their mother stepped out of the room, looking just as haggard as her daughter. Her eyes fell of her son, and she gasped.

"Oh, Tai! I didn't think you'd come!" Tai stood and he was immediately enveloped in his mother's arms. No matter how tall he got, she was still able to cradle him to her chest. "I wasn't sure if your..." She glanced over her shoulder to the room her husband was in. "Friend... would give you the news."

"Mom," Tai sighed. "We've been married for years, we have two kids together, you can call him my husband. At least use his name!"

"I know that," his mother snapped. Hospitals still made her lose her temper. "Izzy is a good boy."

Tai didn't want to have this conversation again. He pulled away from his mother. "Is dad awake?"

She blinked, as though she had expected him to say anything but that. "Tai... I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why not? Isn't he going to be ok?" He didn't want Kari to think he was a liar.

"He will," his mother began. "But the doctor said to keep his stress levels down, and, well..."

Tai glared, pulling away. He heard Kari sigh, crying softly, "Mother, please..."

"If all you thought I was going to do was make things worse, than why did you even call?" he asked bitterly. "Maybe I should just leave."

"Tai, you know that's not what I meant. I love you - Izzy, too - but you know how your father gets." She tried to reach for her son, but wavered. It had been so long since... "I suppose it wouldn't hurt if you saw him. For just a moment."

"Thanks, mom." He couldn't be mad at her. She'd only ever loved him, despite her outbursts.

Kari took her mother by the hand and Tai held his breath. He wished his mother had let him leave, but he knew he had to stay. _'Courage,'_ he thought. _'I can face this.'_ He reached absently to rub the scar on his chest before pushing open the door and stepping inside.

The room was blindingly white, the only spray of color being a vase of dusty plastic flowers glues to the windowsill. His father lay in the bed, his dark hair, streaked heavily with gray, fanned out on a small, lumpy pillow, making him look deathly pale. If it weren't for the heart monitor beeping regularly, Tai would have thought him long gone. The young man licked his lips, calling upon his long lost trait to see him through this moment.

"Dad?" He could barely hear himself over his own racing heartbeat. "Dad, it's me."

There was a terrifying pause. One in which it seemed the world would fade away to a darkness he would never see through. His father's face twisted and one eye cracked open.

"What are you doing here?" The man's voice was hoarse and unpleasant.

"Mom called. She said you almost died last night. I wanted to make sure you were going to be ok."

His father turned his head to look out the window. "I was. Until you came by."

"C'mon, don't be like that." Tai grabbed a chair and pulled it to his father's bedside. "We haven't seen each other in almost six years. You still can't forgive me?"

His father's silence was more than enough of an answer.

"Look," Tai sighed deeply. "I'm tired of apologizing for who I am. I'm tired of telling my children that their grandfather doesn't want to see them. I'm tired of not feeling any pride in what I do because my own dad can't stand to look at me." He looked at his hands in his lap, trying to see through his tears. "I'm tired of being so scared that you'll die before you know I love you, and I always will."

"If you truly loved me, you would have never let the Kamiya line end," came the icy reply. "Your sister married into Takaishi, but that was expected. Girls never carry on their father's names. But you. All you had to do was marry that Sora girl when you had the chance. Before she moved on to that other boy."

"I've told you, dad, over and over. I never liked her like that - I've never liked any girl like that!" Tai wiped his eyes. "Why can't you see that? Why can't you see that who I'm with as nothing to do with the love I have for you?"

His father turned his head. For a brief, wonderful moment, he looked his son in the eye, and Tai was certain he'd finally made it through to the man. But he looked through the small window on the door and his pale face twisted into a dark grimace.

"Get out. Leave me and the Kamiya name alone."

Tai gripped his hands into fists. His father's words tore into his soul, and he bit his quivering lip. There was nothing more that could be said. He stood, the chair he was in clattering to the floor. His father just closed his eyes against the noise, blocking out the world.

The door was heavy and it required all the strength he had left in his shaking arms to escape the small room. His mother was whispering to Kari, and despite her outburst earlier she was hugging Izzy tightly.

"Tai, how was he?" Kari asked. Izzy disentangled himself from his in-law, taking Tai by the hand.

"Like he always is, I guess." He was grateful for his husband's calming presence. "Still thinks I abandoned the family."

"Tai," his mother said, "you know he doesn't mean any of that. It's just that when your grandfather died, he left some... awful memories with your father. He just wants the family name to remain untarnished."

Izzy spoke up, just loud enough to be heard. "I offered to take the family name, but Mr. Kamiya..."

"Dad said he didn't want any pity," Tai spat.

"I'm so sorry, Tai..." his mother apologized. She looked away. "I shouldn't have let him keep us away. You're my son. Izzy you... you too. And I love you both."

Tai patted his mother's arm and Izzy gave Kari a hug. "Call me when he's out. Maybe... Maybe he'll want to speak to his grandkids then."

* * *

Night had fallen. A nurse had come by to check on his vitals.

"It's so quiet in here," she said. "How about the news?" She turned the TV on, placing the remote just out of his reach.

"In sports news," the reporter said excitedly, "Japan won the World Cup in Italy, with a score of 12 to 3 all thanks to ace striker Taichi 'Tai' Izumi. He's back in Japan tonight with his husband and children, taking a well deserved rest."

Susumu twisted his face into a grimace, and he turned away. He was still too weak to reach up and cover his ears. He refused to acknowledge the aching loneliness in his chest, imagining that it was the heart attack. It certainly wasn't the pain of turning his son away.

The nurse smiled and fluffed his pillow. She saw the look on his face, but he didn't seem in pain, so she hummed lightly to calm him. "That boy who came to visit earlier, he looks a lot like that soccer star, doesn't he?" Susumu growled. "He seems like such a nice boy. You should be glad that he came by."

She made a mark on his chart and closed the door behind her. The TV was showing a picture of his son's team, celebrating the win of the World Cup. He took a deep breath and whispered into the stale air, "I am glad..."


	14. Chapter 14

_'Cause you make me smile_

_Baby, just take your time_

_Now holdin' me tight_

* * *

July 2018:

"Mama?" Jaciru asked, tugging at her father's sleeve. "Is Papa sad?"

Izzy looked into concerned black eyes. Tai had been silent the whole car ride home, not even looking up as Izzy stopped by his parents' apartment to pick up Jaciru and Nakayama. The young girl had run to the passenger side of the car, trying to climb all over her father, but he'd turned away, still lost in his own darkness. Jaciru had whined and cried and begged for attention, but the only thing she got was a hug from Nakayama that pleaded for her to be quiet. When they'd gotten home, Tai had just walked out of the car and into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

Nakayama was crying softly into Izzy's leg, and Jaciru just looked so lost, unused to Tai acting so strangely. Gone was the father that had always been so strong for them, replaced by this terrifying shadow of a man.

"Your Papa is just... upset," Izzy said with what he hoped was a comforting smile. "His Papa got very sick and had to go to the hospital. You remember what a hospital is, right?"

Jaciru nodded slowly. She remembered that she didn't like it and that all the smiling women that had surrounded her seemed really sad all the time.

"When we went to go visit, your Papa and his Papa got into a fight, and that's why he's upset."

"Why fight?" Jaciru asked stubbornly and even Nakayama looked up expectantly for the answer.

Izzy bit his lip, trying to figure out how to explain years of homophobia and hatred to a three year old whose world view couldn't even comprehend any other type of family than the one she had.

"Your Papa's Papa didn't agree with some choices your Papa made when he was younger, and they haven't spoken to each other in years over it." Jaciru's eyes widened. To her, years were complete lifetimes, and she didn't know how two people couldn't speak for so long. She could barely go five minutes without telling her fathers anything.

Izzy mistook the look and wrapped her in a hug, "But everything will be ok, I promise."

Nakayama tugged gently on Izzy's shirt, finding himself enveloped in the tight embrace. The children glanced at each other, feeling their father shuddering as he tried to hold back his own tears. The stress of the day had caught up to him, finally, but he knew he couldn't break down in front of them. He didn't need to worry them about something that was out of all their control.

"Now, why don't you two go play in your room?" Izzy tried to smile. "I'll take care of Papa for you."

The children allowed themselves to be ushered to their room, though they couldn't bring themselves to play. The oppressive darkness surrounding Tai was quickly filling the whole house. Izzy took a breath to steady himself, to try and be strong for his husband who was swiftly breaking, and quietly entered their bedroom. He called tentatively, "Tai? Are you all right?"

"God, Iz, I'm so stupid," Tai growled as Izzy closed the door behind him. The brunette rolled over on the bed to punch his pillow. "It's like our wedding all over again. I get it into my head that my dad _might_ want to see me and all that happens is that I fuck it up."

Izzy sat next to him and put a hand on Tai's shoulder, watching the tears fall to the mattress. "I find it admirable that you went to see him at all. And I'm sure, deep down, he's glad you showed."

"My ass," Tai spat. "All I've ever been is a disappointment to him. Might as well give up on ever being part of _his_ family ever again."

"Give him time," Izzy tried to console. "He might come around any day now."

Tai shook his head and collapsed, roughly throwing the sheets over his body and almost sending his husband tumbling to the floor. "No. He practically told me himself, he wants nothing more to do with us – with _me_. Now just... let me be, Iz. I can't deal with this right now."

Izzy considered staying, forcing Tai to open up to him, But even now he couldn't bring himself to be so assertive. Instead, he sighed deeply and said, "Just know that your family _here_ will always be there for you. You just have to talk to us." He reached out to give Tai a squeeze on the shoulder, but the brunette just jerked away, burying himself in the covers and his own misery.

* * *

The next few days passed in a blur, Izzy trying to keep himself busy with housework and child rearing. He spent the nights curled on his side of the bed, wishing his husband would reach out for him, or wishing he had the courage to be the first to do so himself. But Tai remained lost in himself, sometimes crying, sometimes yelling. It was like he was falling quickly into being fifteen again, and without Matt around, Izzy wasn't sure what to do to snap him out of him. Oh, sure, he could try and start a fight like the two friends used to, but he knew he couldn't hold his own if Tai hit back. And soon, more often than not, Izzy found himself falling asleep on the couch in the living room, unable to bring himself to the cold embrace of a bed that shouldn't have felt so empty.

Jaciru and Nakayama could feel the tension in the air, but they had no way of fully understanding what was happening. Without the ability to explain properly, Izzy was helpless to watch his daughter, so bright and lively, retreat into herself, barely even allowing herself the energy to eat. And Nakayama, the poor boy, began throwing tantrums, screaming at the top of his tiny lungs at any slight, and he refused to be comforted by anything.

The few times Tai did emerge from the room, he said nothing to anyone. He ignored his phone, his husband, his children. He was on a single-mided mission to do what he needed to do – to eat, to go to the bathroom - and when he was done he would return to the room. The only thing he would say when Izzy prodded was, "It's all worthless. Nothing matters anymore..."

As Izzy watched his family fall apart around him, he threw himself into his programming. Within a week, he had managed to convert his entire PC operating system into a beta phone system, much to the amazement of his boss who had thought it would have taken months. His children, desperate for attention but not knowing how to obtain it, screamed and cried and begged, and it was all he could do to pull away long enough to placate them. Somehow, the digital glow of his computer had become a comfort again, its light stamping out the nothingness that was beginning to swirl inside him.

It was late, one hot summer night. Izzy had passed out in front of his computer, the monitor reflecting off his glasses that were pushed up and into his forehead. Tai hadn't emerged all day, possibly trying to starve himself to death along with his husband. Jaciru was sitting in her room, holding her prized soccer ball and wailing into it. She hadn't been fed dinner, and she was starving, the hunger the most intense she'd ever felt in her young life. She howled and screamed, begging for attention and comfort, only receiving an odd tug on her hair from her brother. She flailed at him, trying to bite and he shoved her away.

"Kayama-meanie!" she cried, falling on her face. "'M'a tell Mama!"

"No!" Nakayama yelped. "No, Mama!" How could he explain the fear he couldn't recognize? That their family would drift apart and they would all be alone? That he would lose his fathers to their own depression? "Want... Papa..."

Jaciru set her face in a pout and hugged her soccer ball like a stuffed animal, taking comfort in the yellowed vinyl that Izzy hadn't washed in days. Nakayama frowned. He tried to kick the ball, but he wasn't good at hand-eye coordination yet so he missed and almost fell. Jaciru whined at him, her voice tried from screaming, and collapsed on her side, kicking wearily. They should have been put to bed _hours_ ago.

Nakayama looked to the bedroom door. When Izzy had ushered them inside earlier, he hadn't closed it all the way, so it was easy enough for the three year old to push his way into the hallway. He eyed the soft blue glow that flickered on the floor and then ignored it, set in his mission. He toddled down past the bathroom, past the display case that housed, to him, countless trophies. He reached the door that he knew contained the person that looked like his father, no matter that he didn't act like it anymore.

He pushed on the door, looking around as it squeaked. He heard a noise from the bed, his father's voice drifting out, "Go away, Izzy, I'm not in the mood."

Nakayama paused. That tone was so unfamiliar, so scary, but he refused to let it drive him away. He was going to do this, for his sister, for his Mama. Even for his Papa.

He walked to the bed, grabbing fistfuls of the sheets. It took a moment of adjusting and crawling, but he pulled himself to the top of the mattress. His Papa lay curled up on the edge of the bed, pillow over his head. He looked like he was sleeping, but he wasn't snoring like he always did. Nakayama crawled across the bed, tugging at the pillow.

"Papa. Papa, uppy!" He sat on the lump under the covers and pouted. "Need uppy!"

Tai winced at the sudden weight on his chest and arm. Tiny little fists were beating on his head, and there was a voice crying out in his ear. He shifted and grunted, calling out, "Izzy! Come get the kid!"

But his husband didn't show. Nakayama continued to wail gently on his father, still calling out to him. "Why won't Papa uppy?"

Tai rolled, feeling his son slide down his back and onto the mattress heavily. He blinked sleepy eyes, suddenly wondering just what time it was. Nakayama was pouting next to him, sniffling back tears. "Kaya... What's wrong?"

Nakayama wiped his nose on his sleeve, and the sheets, and cried, "Papa needs to uppy! I need Papa!"

Tai looked at the child, frowning. He knew he needed to do something about this screaming thing...

"Jaci and Kaya need Papa," Nakayama sobbed. He couldn't stop the tears now, even if he knew how. "Mama needs Papa! But Papa... Papa don't need us..."

"N-Nakayama..." The pain in Tai's chest shifted. No longer was it the bleakness of being abandoned. The remaining echoes of his father's voice, hissing in his ear, _"Get out. Leave me and the Kamiya name alone,"_ began to fade. Now, the heaviness twisted, becoming something he could begin to manage. He reached out, taking his son in his arms, listening to him sob desperately. "Hey, hey, Kaya... I..."

What had he been doing? Wallowing in his own self-pity? God, when had that ever helped him? Nakayama's weight was heavy in his arms and the child whined against his shoulder. How stupid could he be?

"Tai...? What's going on?"

Tai looked up. Izzy was standing in the doorway, rubbing his eyes. His glasses were in one hand, too smudged to bother looking through, and he was blinking just as sleepily as Tai had.

"Iz..." Tai looked to his son then back to his husband. Slowly, the other man's words came back to him _._

" _Just know that your family_ here _will always be there for you. You just have to talk to us."_

"God, Iz, I've been a royal idiot, haven't I?" Tai murmured.

Izzy looked at his two brunettes in bed, suddenly hearing his daughter's screaming for what seemed like the first time. He rushed to her room, scooping her up and soothing her as best he could. Jaciru sniffled and sobbed, too tired to speak, too hungry to fuss. She collapsed into her father's grip as he made his way back to the bedroom.

"We both have..." Izzy admitted. He ran his fingers through frizzy red hair, suddenly feeling like the worst parent. Jaciru looked up, sniffling, and Izzy hugged her tight.

"I can't believe I did this..." Tai whispered. "Kaya, Bug... Izzy... I'm so sorry you guys..."

"We don't blame you," Izzy said, placing his hand over Tai's. Even Jaciru reached out to hug her brother and father.

"I promise," Tai vowed as Nakayama resettled himself. The boy was comforted that his father's voice was returning to normal. "I _swear_ I won't do this crap ever again. I _won't_ let my dad take away any more of my family, not when I have you all right here with me."

* * *

November 2020:

Kari sat at the dining table, sipping her coffee. She smiled at Izzy as he sat Nakayama in his lap, a Dr. Seuss book propped open in front of the child. Despite being so young, the boy could read outloud each word his father pointed to.

"That's amazing," Kari said, smiling at Nakayama as he blushed. He was still shy around his Kindergarten teacher, even if she was his aunt. "I'm so proud of you, Kaya. And you too, Izzy. I've never seen such involved parenting."

Izzy gave a demure smile, patting his son's hair. "You should see Tai and Jaciru. He even set up a soccer goal out back so they can play together."

"I'm just in such... awe," Kari continued to praise. "I wish some of my parents were _half_ as involved in their children's lives as you two."

"It can be hard, sometimes," Izzy admitted. "Especially with Tai playing games so far away, but we made a promise. To each other and to our kids." He smiled at Nakayama who fidgeted, getting tired in the late afternoon. "We'll do everything we can for our children."

Kari sighed dreamily into the last of her coffee. She wished that TK would concern himself with their family at all, instead of just their weekly Church visits and Bible study groups. The thought of that lead her to the original reason she'd come to visit her brother in the first place and she grimaced as she set her empty cup on the table.

"What's troubling you, Kari?" Izzy asked, giving his in-law a concerned frown.

"It's nothing really..." Kari didn't like making waves, but the redhead just looked so worried. And it wasn't like it was a big deal, or anything. "It's just - and I say this with all the love, and tolerance, and acceptance in the whole world, Izzy – my brother just had to go an marry a _guy_ , didn't he?"

Izzy blinked at the odd statement from the usually open-minded woman. "Ah, this wouldn't happen to be about... TK...?"

"No, no," Kari said quickly, laughing and waving her hands. "It's nothing like that. I mean..." She paused to think. "I'm just so surrounded by... _boys_. I have two sons, God love them, a husband with _no_ soft side to him. I have a sister-in-law that I never see and and niece that I probably invented with how little I know about her. And then there's you two. Tai never grew older than ten, I swear, Kaya's sweet, but he's not interested in frilly things and Jaciru... Well..."

"Jaciru's a girl," Izzy defended, with a wry smile. He knew what Kari would say next.

"Barely." Kari laughed. "Do you know what happened last week in class? I asked everyone what they wanted to be when they grew up, and Jaciru said she wanted to be a big, hairy man like her Papa. When I told her she couldn't because she was a little girl, she started crying."

Izzy tried to hide his laughter in Nakayama's bushy hair, and even the little boy snickered at the memory of his sister's tantrum.

"Normally," Kari continued, "I would go out with the girls every couple of weeks. But everyone's been so busy lately.

"Mimi's finishing that remake of The Princess Bride, and she said she already has the part of Ripley to reprise for Aliens – though it will be cute to see Russell play Newt, don't you think?

"Yolie has her hands full with Michiru _already_ kissing the little girls in her class. Osamu just turned three a few months ago, so he's saying 'No' to everything, and Ken's never around to help her out without knocking her up.

"I've been so surrounded by testosterone without anything to balance it out and I'm going crazy! There's nothing _soft_ or _feminine_ about anything around me. Did you know Lucian and Kazuki made me judge a butt-drawing contest the other day? It was terrible, so many pictures of butts all over the kitchen table..." Kari ran her hands through her hair and playfully tugged on the long strands as she gave a strained giggle.

"What is it you, Mimi, and Yolie do so often?" Izzy asked as Nakayama reached across the table, braving his own shyness to pat his aunt reassuringly on the arm like his Mama always did.

"Anything, really. Sometimes manicures, sometimes mall shopping, I think last time we sat in a Starbucks for six hours and ogled cute teenage boys." Kari blushed at the odd look Izzy gave her. "We were just _looking_. Mostly for Mimi – she needs a boyfriend, or at least a new babydaddy."

"Well..." Izzy stood, setting Nakayama on the couch and draping a blanket over him. The boy fussed for a moment before quickly falling into his nap. "As long as there's no "ogling" involved, why don't I join you in their stead?"

"You?" Kari considered for a moment. "You know, that's not a terrible idea. You're not loud or rowdy, and it would be fun going out on the town with you for a few hours." She brightened as her mind ran with the idea. "It sounds perfect, actually! How about tomorrow after school? You can have Tai pick up the kids, and we'll spend a day at the spa – I promise, no ogling cute boys there."

"That sounds wonderful." Izzy smiled, happy to help the young woman. "Tomorrow, then."

* * *

Tai set down the kids' dinner on the table, the twins making a face at it. It was leftover from the night before, and even without tasting it, Tai knew _why_ it was leftover. Izzy really needed to hang out with Davis more to learn basic cooking.

"Papa..." Jaciru whined. "It smells funnier than last night."

"I think mine's moving," Nakayama pouted, jabbing at his plate with a fork.

"That's just death-spasms," Tai laughed, ruffling his childrens' hair. "I was supposed to go grocery shopping when Mama got home, but he's _still_ out with Auntie Kari."

Jaciru sniffed the questionable thing in front of her and made a face. "Can't we just have a Papa Dinner?"

"Well..." Tai thought. Izzy hated what the kids called "Papa Dinners", insisting they were no better than bachelor chow. But Izzy wasn't here, was he? "All right. Papa Dinner it is!"

"Yay!" Jaciru cheered, already wriggling in her chair. Nakayama was bouncing excitedly, watching his father rummage in the kitchen for what little they had. He "hmm"ed and "haw"ed loudly for the entertainment of his kids, brightening when he saw what he was going to make. Simple, easy, and it would use the last of these boxes sitting in the pantry. He pulled the biggest bowls from the cabinet and set them in front of the kids, announcing as he poured.

"A little Cocoa Puffs. Some Cap'n Crunch. The last bit of dust from Frosted Flakes. I think you each get _one_ Fruity Pebble that fell out of the bag and into the box. Then, milk and great big dollops of chocolate syrup and the last of the strawberry jam!"

Jaciru was already digging into her bowl full of sugar. After this, the would run around the house until she was sick and puke in the backyard, just like last time. Nakayama stuffed his face until his cheeks puffed out with cereal, chewing messily and just as happily. Tai put his hands on his hips and laughed manically. Just for revenge, he was going to make Izzy put the kids to bed after this.

Speaking of, as the thought passed his mind, he heard the front door open, his sister's voice drifting into the kitchen, followed by Izzy's gentle reply of, "I'll see you in a few weeks, Kari. That's how long it takes for this stuff to come off, isn't it?"

"Something like that. Mimi'll have a field day, you know. Ah, that's my cab – see ya, Izzy. Tell Tai by for me!"

Tai kissed his children on their cheeks and walked to the foyer, saying, "So, Iz, did you have fun girling out with my sister?"

Izzy looked up, and embarrassed smile curving his lips. "I apologize for my tardiness, Tai. We just lost track of time and... um... Why are you staring at me?"

Tai tilted his head, as though the new angle would tell him what had changed about the redhead. There was something different, but he couldn't quite place his finger on it. Izzy was blushing and as he reached up to adjust his glasses, he brushed against his eyebrows and flinched slightly.

"What's with your face?" Tai ultimately asked. "It's... different. Somehow."

Izzy frowned, but he was used to the lack of tact. It was something his husband had never quite gotten the hang of, especially around old friends and his lover. "Kari insisted I get my eyebrows, ah, 'shaped'." That was the word she used for that hot wax torture. Tai leaned in close, inspecting the reddened skin with a prod of his finger. Izzy yelped and Tai quickly kissed his cheek in apology. "It's still tender..."

"Sorry," Tai chuckled, scratching the side of his nose. He watched as Izzy gently pet back what remained of his finely groomed brow and grabbed his hand. "Is that nail polish?"

Izzy blushed deeper, taking his hand back quickly, looking at the soft lavender that shimmered gently on his fingertips. "Kari decided I needed to join her at the salon, as well. And no, it's not polish. They're acrylic." He gave a tiny smile. "She convinced me to get a manicure with her. My toes match, too."

"That is... beyond _adorable_." Tai laughed, swooping Izzy up in a tight hug. "I love you so much, my precious little wifey."

Izzy squawked and beat on Tai's back playfully, wincing as his nails bit into his palms. He would have to get used to their new length soon.

Hearing the commotion, Jaciru had run into the foyer behind her father, slamming herself into Izzy's leg, and attaching her little body with a tight squeeze.

"Mama! Mama! Mama! You didn't come home for so long, and Papa said you would be here any minute, but you weren't, so we didn't eat your crawly dinner and Papa made a Papa Dinner and now I can see the air move and I love you!"

The child didn't even bother to draw another breath, instead running back down the hallway with a fit of giggles. Izzy glared at his husband who had set him down and was whistling innocently.

"You made a Papa Dinner?" Izzy accused and Tai grinned.

"Well, I couldn't go shopping with you out all night." The brunette draped his arms around Izzy's shoulders, kissing him gently along the line of his neck. "Besides, once _you_ get the kids into bed, we can see how much this new look of yours can stand up to..."


	15. Chapter 15

_Wherever you go_

_I always know_

* * *

July 2022:

Izzy approached the field, a feeling of trepidation settling in the depth of his stomach. He weaved through the remaining children, apologizing for bumping into the small bodies without expecting a response. The retired-teacher-turned-volunteer-coach was standing by the far goal, and from the look on his face, Izzy knew the ride home would be quiet.

"Coach Toriyumi," Izzy greeted when he approached. He had to resist the urge to rub the scar at the base of his throat, even now. "How was practice?" He held out his arm, and the small redheaded child clutched the dirty soccer ball tighter, wandering into his embrace. She wasn't speaking, another bad sign.

"We've seen better, especially out of Miss. Jaciru here." The older man tried to smile at the little girl, to bring out the grin he was so familiar with, from both her and Tai, but she just pouted and buried her face in her father's thigh.

"I apologize," Izzy said softly with a bow. "But with the recent accident..."

Ito Toriyumi nodded. "I understand. If you need any time off just let me know. I'll miss my best player, however."

"I'll be sure to make the proper arrangements before the next match." He put his hand on Jaciru's head, petting her long hair back into some semblance of the ponytail she'd had before practice, the small white scars bright even under her bangs. Junior soccer sure was physically demanding for seven year olds, he thought somewhere in the back of his mind. He gave her a pat on the back and she gave the barest hint of a bow before turning away.

Her fingers dug into the dirty ball, tossing it angrily into the back seat when she made it to the car. Her uniform, usually caked with dirt and grass by now, still smelled fresh from the dryer and the scent of detergent irritated her nose. Izzy waited patiently for her to buckle in, starting the car as she rested her forehead against the passenger window. The radio was silent, as Izzy preferred using car rides to contemplate or discuss with his passengers.

"Do you want to go back to practice tomorrow?" he asked, adjusting his glasses. Though she was young, he felt it good to let her be responsible for her own actions. "Coach Toriyumi would be sad you if you didn't."

"I don't care," Jaciru pouted as she watched the street pass by. "Coach Toriyumi is a jerk, anyway."

"Coach Toriyumi is an old friend, so do not speak ill of him," Izzy gently reprimanded. "You can be upset, but that's not an excuse to lash out at others. I expect you to apologize when we see him next."

"Yes, sir," Jaciru sniffled and Izzy immediately felt bad. His daughter was upset and all he'd done was make her feel worse. He tapped his habitually painted nails on the steering wheel and contemplated how to rectify the situation, but knew he was lost. He was still unused to conveying his feelings despite years of marriage to an outgoing personality. He would have reached out to pat her on the shoulder, the only reassuring gesture he knew, but he was just as bad at driving as he was at comforting. The best he could do was get them home in one piece.

The sound of the road filled the minivan, mingling with soft sniffles and worried sighs. The soccer ball bounced on the floorboards in the back, rattling amongst junk food wrappers Izzy had yet to remove. As though cleaning up the mess would steal away the memories from before...

The house before them wasn't large, exactly, but it was better than a cramped apartment. Izzy could still see the jealous look on Kari's face as her toddlers ran around the living room, the young bride playfully contemplating a move from the expensive city to a place where a teacher and a novelist could afford something anywhere nearly as nice. Izzy pulled into the driveway and the moment the car was placed in park, Jaciru flung her door open, flying inside despite her father squawking after her, "Do not exit the car while the ignition is running!"

Izzy snatched the keys from the engine, for once not taking the time to readjust the seat to a neutral position, and ran after Jaciru. He closed the front door behind him and looked around. The little girl was already nowhere to be seen, the only sign of life in the large house being her brunette twin on the couch. His warm oak eyes looked up from _Animal Farm_ and he gave an unsure smile.

"Jaci went out back," he said, recognizing the look on Izzy's face. "I think she was crying."

Izzy sighed deeply. There was only one person who could talk to her when she was like this. "Have you seen your Papa today, Kaya?"

Nakayama shook his head, burying his nose back in his book. "Not yet, Mama. He hasn't even come out of his room for lunch."

Izzy smiled as best he could, ruffling the child's fluffy hair as he passed. He knew the young boy was worried about his sister, and the gentle touch was his promise that everything would be ok. He walked down the hallway from the living room, passing by the terrifyingly normal framed team photos, the newspaper clippings announcing victory, the dusty trophies sitting untouched. There was no memorial to the accident, though the image would never leave his mind. The frantic scream of the announcer over the television, the simultaneous call from a terrified manager.

Izzy opened the door to the master bedroom, blinking in the darkness. The curtains were drawn shut against the bright afternoon sun, and the table side lamps looked like they hadn't been touched in days. The prone figure in the bed didn't even shift as Izzy stepped inside, though the pained breathing told him he was awake.

"You promised you wouldn't let these things overwhelm you again," Izzy chastised, crossing the room in upset strides. He grabbed the curtains and flung them open, listening with distressed joy as his lover hissed at the invading brightness. "The doctor said you need to get fresh air and exercise."

"I pr'mise a lot of crap," Tai slurred, shoving himself on his side, facing what little darkness was left. "Besides, wha's it matter anyway?"

"It could very well mean complete amputation of the limb, if you're not careful." Izzy cracked the window open. The staleness of the room wavered and the smell of summer poured in. The redhead closed his eyes, feeling his own darkness trying to form. But he shoved it away, remembering that vow they'd made four years ago to themselves and their children. The sound of an empty pill bottle falling to the floor jerked him back to the present and he moved to sit on the large bed. He reached out, letting his fingertips rest on the hard cast that bound Tai to his depression.

"You know," he said, attempting a new tactic, "Jaciru's thinking about quitting soccer."

"Wha'?" Tai turned to look over his shoulder, blinking heavily through his medication. "No she's not – Bug loves s'ccer."

Izzy shook his head. "No, she loves her Papa. And you are a popular soccer star (" _Was_ ," Tai grumbled through his haze.) and all she wanted was to share something with you. And now, you've decided you hate soccer and she isn't sure why. All she knows is that you're hurting and it because of something you two used to love."

Tai shook his head and sat up too suddenly, making himself dizzy. The medicine made it hard to _think_ , much less talk, and he fought to make himself understood. "You don' understand, soccer was my life." He swallowed hard, his world becoming clearer in his anger. "You know it was the only reason I even had a place to _live_ during high school! And now, because of this damn leg, they're forcing me to retire..."

"That could be a good thing," Izzy told him quickly. It was a good sign that Tai was speaking this much, and he grasped the opportunity. "You won't be traveling as much, you'll get to spend more time with me and the kids. Jaciru especially misses you."

Tai twisted his lips into grimace as he tried to smile, tried to find the self that he kept burying under his own self-pity. "I guess... I should go talk to her, huh?"

"She needs to know that she's done nothing wrong." Izzy suddenly reached out to hug Tai, looking past him to the gold band that sat on his finger. "And so do you."

"Thanks, Izzy. You always know how to straighten me out." The brunette lingered in the embrace for a moment, dimly realizing just how grimy he was after days of depression. Izzy had always been so meticulous with the laundry, but he'd been rolling around in the same sheets for days now.

Izzy watched as Tai pushed himself up, swinging his cast over the side of the mattress with a heavy _whump_. The pain was throbbing from his ankle all the way to his spine, and he cursed that he'd used all his vicodin, their effects wearing off quickly now. His next refill wouldn't be for a few more days. He reached out with a shaking hand, in pain despite the medication still coursing through his system, grabbing the untouched crutch and hauled himself out of bed. The redhead wanted to reach out, to help steady him, but he knew that would only send Tai back into his depression. He had to learn how to do this on his own again, just like before.

The crutch and the cast tapped on the floor as he wobbled down the hall. He paused for a moment, looking at the same memorabilia that decorated the walls that his husband had looked at before. The gnawing emptiness in the pit of his stomach made him ill, though that could have been because he hadn't eaten properly in a few days.

He turned away, ignoring the crash and shatter of glass as his framed team photo was tossed carelessly to the ground. No matter what he said to Izzy, it would still take time.

Nakayama was still curled on the couch with his book, though he looked up as his father entered the room. He gave a tiny smile, though it didn't warm his eyes any less. Even though he was older now, he was still rather shy and quiet, but the child noticed right away the way Tai paused at the end of the hall.

"Papa," he said with the same softness as his other father. "I'm glad you're up."

"Thanks, Kaya." Tai tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace as his leg began to throb, the stitches itching. Maybe once he felt better, he could take his kids on a picnic. It had been a while since they'd all gone out as a family. "D... D'ya know where Bug went?"

"She went out back when Mama came home. I think she's yelling at the goal net." Nakayama didn't like yelling. It reminded him of his Auntie Kari's when they had to visit on Sundays.

Tai nodded, limping heavily across the floor. It was a struggle to get up the half-step that lead to the kitchen (damned architect and his steps and arches and dumb half-walls that were more trouble than they were worth), but he was determined to make it to the back yard. He could see through the sliding glass door as the redheaded child sat on the porch, head cradled in her hands. Her tiny shoulders were shaking and, as he balanced on his crutch to open the door, he heard her scream into the sky.

"Little Bug, little Bug?" he sang cautiously, the misquoted lullaby stirring a buried warmth in his chest. It felt like forever since he'd been there to tuck his kids in. The same summer smell of fresh grass and lost adventures surrounded him. It was hard to be depressed with that familiar scent filling his lungs.

"Papa?" Jaciru blew her nose in her jersey, looking over her shoulder. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair sticking to her face, revealing her scars. She gave a hiccuping sob, reaching out as Tai hobbled over, slowly lowering himself into a sitting position he knew he would need help getting out of later. His daughter instantly threw herself against his side, crying out. As quiet as Nakayama still was, his twin was just as loud.

"Hey, hey." Tai set his crutch aside, gathering Jaciru into his arms. "What's up? Don't be sad, Bug."

"I'm sorry, Papa." She snotted all over his shirt, reminding him again that he needed to change. "I don't want to be sad, but..." She screwed up her face.

Jaciru didn't know what had happened a few days ago. She'd been watching TV with Mama, cheering her Papa on to win the World Cup when everyone started yelling. Mama had gotten a call from Sissy Yuki-chan and her and Kaya were suddenly dropped off with Grammy and Grampy. The next thing she knew, Papa was out of that scarey hospital and in bed, eating his special vitamins that made him not want to love her anymore, and he said he hated soccer. He said They were making him tired and he still had a few good years left, damnit! (Mama didn't know she knew that word and he always frowned when Papa said it.)

Tai rubbed her back soothingly as she wailed, "I-I don't w-want you to hate me-e!"

"Hate you?" Tai dragged her into his lap, wincing as she shifted her weight onto his bad thigh. "Why would I hate you?"

"B-because..." She was wheezing, blubbering against his neck. "You stopped loving soccer and I still love it and if you hate soccer then you must hate _me_!"

He rocked Jaciru, smothering the top of her head with kisses, humming their out of key lullaby as she sniveled and whimpered. His leg was throbbing, wave after wave of pain fogging his mind. He held his daughter close, biting his lip to keep from crying as much as she was.

"I could never hate you," he told her, swallowing the pain that tried to escape through his voice. "You're my Little Bug, Jaciru."

"But what about soccer?" She settled herself in his lap, feeling his cast digging into her uncomfortably.

Tai took a breath. He could still hear Yukiko's voice ringing in his ears. She had been unable to meet his eye, standing uneasily at his bedside in the hospital.

" _The doctors say you'll never play again. A decision has been made..."_

He shook his head. It still hurt, he was sure it always would. But the pain in his daughter's voice, the desperate need for her father's affection, was strong enough to pull him from his own darkness, just as his son had before.

"That doesn't affect how I feel about _you_ , Bug. If you're happy playing, then I'm happy." He gave her the biggest grin he could manage.

"Really?" She coughed and he wiped her eyes. "You mean it?"

"I mean it." He hugged Jaciru tightly, squeezing the breath from her lungs. "And, hey, Sissy Yuki-chan said that once my cast is off, they're gonna hold a big party for me and all my teammates are gonna be there. You wanna go?"

"I can go to Papa's party?" Jaciru squealed and threw herself against him, burrowing into his chest before frowning. "I don't have to wear a dress like when Uncy TK takes me to Church, do I?"

"No way," Tai laughed, not sure if that particular wave of pain was from his leg or the mention of the young man's name. "I think Sissy Yuki-chan would love to see your uniform much more than some dumb old dress."

Jaciru cheered, pulling herself to her feet and running inside the house, hollering at her brother, "Papa's taking me to a party! Jealous?!"

Izzy laughed as his suddenly much happier daughter playfully wrestled her brother, dragging him off the couch and into her re-energized world. He quietly approached his husband who was trying to still pained breathing.

"So you decided to attend your own retirement party after all?"

Tai grabbed his crutch and reached out, Izzy hauling him to his feet. The brunette wobbled for a moment before shrugging. "Why not? It'll help Bug feel better about herself." He gave a wry smile at the look Izzy was giving him. "And... it'll help me feel better about myself."


	16. Chapter 16

  _Cause you make me smile_

_Even just for a while_

_\- Bubbly, Colbie Caillat_

* * *

July 2023:

Tai leaned back in his chair with a sigh. He still wasn't used to all this free time and wondered if he should have volunteered to pick the kids up from school. A warning twinge in his leg reminded him that he _still_ wasn't up to driving. Then perhaps he could figure out what to do for dinner. He grabbed the simple cane beside his recliner and hauled himself to his feet. It was a struggle to walk, still, but he couldn't blame that on anyone but himself. If he'd taken care of his injury the way the doctor, or Izzy even, had told him to in the first place, than his limp wouldn't be so pronounced.

He hobbled across the living room in carefully practiced strides, cane clicking on the floor. The noise drove him crazy in the silence, and he was wondering if walking to the stereo would be worth one of the few remaining Vicodin later when he heard the phone start to ring. Was everything ok at the school, he wondered. Or did Bug try and steal Tomoyo's camera again?

He limped as fast as he could to the receiver, picking it up on the last ring. "Izumi residence, this is Tai."

There was a long silence on the other line, and Tai wondered if he was on hold. He was about to cuss out whatever telemarketer machine had called him, when a terribly familiar voice said quietly, tiredly, "Hello, Tai."

"D-Dad?" Tai could feel his heart drop to somewhere in his ankles, and he shifted his grip on his cane so he wouldn't fall over.

"It's... been a long time since we've actually talked."

Over five years ago, Tai realized. Those devastating words in the hospital that had almost destroyed their family.

"What do you want?" Tai didn't mean to put it so bluntly, he just wasn't sure which emotion to show, only able to remember the promise he had made so long ago. He felt decidedly like Izzy just then.

"Would you..." Susumu sounded just as awkward as Tai felt. "Would you like to come over tonight for dinner? You and your whole... family."

There was still that bitter tone that cut into his soul, even through his confusion. He wanted to be elated, to cheer and cry and tell his father yes, _yes_ , anything to reconnect.

What came out was simply, "Why?"

What could have possibly prompted this call? This out of nowhere outreaching that was sure to only toy with his heart like so many times before?

"Tai... Son... I realize that I've been an asshole. To you, to your... Izzy." He heard his father take a shaking breath. "And I realized, I haven't even met your children."

Did Tai even want his children to meet this man? Yes, he'd always dreamed of it, of being a family again, of being close to his father once again. But now the he was offering, unprompted and without Tai having to beg...

"Please, son." Susumu's voice cracked desperately. "At least let me apologize in person..."

Tai continued to stand in silence. His leg was throbbing, and his hand was aching from gripping his cane so tightly. He heard in the distance Izzy's key turning the lock and he said quickly, "No. I can't."

"I see..." He actually sounded disappointed.

"I, I mean," Tai sputtered, wondering why he was bothering to explain. Would it even matter to the man? "I can't tonight. Bug has a game this afternoon, and we'll be out all night after that. Tomorrow?"

"I would like that. I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Tai hung up the phone just as Jaciru ran around the corner, flinging her shirt on the floor. Izzy was chasing after her, yelling, "Jaci! You need to keep your clothes on!"

"No!" the eight year old cried stubbornly. "I need to change into my uniform!"

"That's why you dress in your room! And your match isn't for three hours."

But she just ran through the living room topless, crowing happily about seeing her friends on the soccer field again. Izzy sighed as he stood next to Tai, grumbling, "We've raised a nudist." When his husband didn't respond, the redhead looked at him carefully. "Tai? Are you ok?"

Tai finally blinked out his stupor, looking at Izzy as though he hadn't seen him.

"W-what?"

"I asked if you were ok? Did someone call?" Izzy was getting concerned. Had he taken too many Vicodin again?

"Yeah, it was..." The whole conversation felt like a dream. "It was my dad."

Even Jaciru paused, jersey top halfway over her shoulders. "It was Papa's Papa?" The last time he'd been mentioned, she'd thought the world had ended. She bit her lip, scared that whoever had replaced her father would be coming back again.

"What did he want?" Izzy asked, taking the opportunity to pull his daughter's shirt down properly, giving her a reassuring smile. He wouldn't let Tai break again, no matter what.

"He wanted to have dinner and apologize." Tai still couldn't believe it, even as the words fell from his own mouth.

But Izzy just nodded, fussing with Jaciru's wild hair, pushing her bangs down to cover her forehead scars. It was just as frizzy as his had ever been. "I believe it would be beneficial for you to hear what the man has to say. He is your father, after all."

"He invited you," Tai said flatly. "The kids too."

Jaciru whined as Izzy suddenly pulled on her hair. The man immediately made a distracted apology before turning to his husband. " _Me_? The last time I saw Susumu was before..." Before BlackWarGraymon. Twenty years ago. He hadn't even seen the elder Kamiya in the hospital, preferring to wait in the hallways. "I know he will have words to say to you, but what could he possibly want with me?"

"I dunno," Tai shrugged. "But it's tomorrow night."

Jaciru reached out to hug Tai, an unusually somber look on her face. "Don't be upset, Papa, otherwise you won't be happy for me when I win."

Tai laughed suddenly and gave his daughter a squeeze. He could always rely on his family to pull him back to himself. "You're right, Bug. I won't let this get me down." He read Izzy's look. "And tomorrow we'll... We'll go visit my father."

* * *

The next night, Tai limped slowly down the hall of his old complex. He thought he would get lost, that would forget where he used to live. But his feet still remembered, and they dragged him back to that old doorway. Izzy lingered behind him, feeling just as unsure. Susumu had attacked his own son, what would he do to the young man he didn't acknowledge as family? And what would he do about the children? Jaciru was skipping happily between them, excited that she didn't have to wear the skirt TK had bought her for Masses. Sure, she was still in uncomfortable fancy clothes, bust at least she had pants on. Nakayama hovered around Izzy, wishing he was back at home. He knew this was important to his family, he just wished he didn't have to be there with them.

Tai stopped abruptly, Jaciru almost tripping on his cane, and took a steadying breath. He felt Izzy place a hand on his shoulder, asking, "Are you sure about this? I can always wait in the car, you know..."

Tai shook his head. "No. Dad invited _all_ of us. I'm not going to let him back out now."

He leaned heavily on his cane to support himself, and knocked slowly. He held his breath and strained his ears, listening. The only thing he could hear was his father's hateful words, still echoing even after so many years.

The knob rattled and he almost jumped out of his skin when his mother opened the door. She looked old, older than the last time he'd seen her at the hospital. There were deep bags below her eyes, filled with sorrow at the sight of her son's cane, and her hair was more silver than brown. But she smiled, reaching out to hug him.

"Oh, Tai. I'm so glad you're here." She looked over his shoulder. "Izzy, I'm glad you're here, too."

Tai squeezed her back tighter than he meant to, and stepped back with a smile. "Mom, I want you to meet my children." He motioned behind him. "This is Jaciru, and this is Nakayama."

Nakayama blushed and bowed. He wasn't sure about this older woman, despite how warmly she looked at him. Jaciru, however, just beamed back, saying, "Hi, Papa's Mama!"

"They're beautiful, Tai," Yuuko said softly. "Come in, your father is in the living room."

She hugged Izzy as he passed and was almost knocked over by Jaciru as the child flung herself into the woman. Nakayama used the opportunity to bow politely and follow his fathers inside.

Tai's cane clicked slowly into the apartment. It was smaller than he remembered, and he noticed the dust collecting on the doorknob of his old room. He didn't realize he was shaking until he felt Izzy's light touch on the small of his back. He took a breath, listening to Jaciru chattering to his mother and called out softly, hoping there wouldn't be a response, "Dad?"

There was a pause, and then movement as Susumu stood from the living room couch. He turned and Tai could see why the man had called after so long. If his mother looked haggard, his father looked like he already had a foot in the grave. His hair, what remained, was white and his face had deep lines around his eyes and mouth. He stood just as easily as Tai did, though he seemed without the need of a cane to get around.

He looked at Tai with drooping eyes and said quietly, "Tai... It's good to see you."

"Dad, this is," it shouldn't be hard to say it now, "my husband, Izzy. You remember him, right?"

Susumu looked at the redhead, frowning, and Izzy was glad that he'd declined Kari's earlier invitation to paint his nails again. Then the older man made a face that might have been a smile. "Yes, I do. My God, it's... it's been a long time." He reached out and Izzy hesitantly let Susumu grasp his hand. "I'm glad you're well, I really am."

"It's very nice to see you again, Mr. Kamiya. How is your health?"

Susumu just gave a dark smile, and Izzy felt his stomach tighten.

"Ah, Dad, these are our kids," Tai said suddenly, feeling the heaviness in the air. He waved over to the two children and Jaciru paused her talk to beam brilliantly.

"You're my Papa's Papa, right?" she asked and Susumu nodded. "You made Papa really sad and you never said sorry. Mama always makes me say sorry when I make the boys in my class sad."

"Jaciru," Izzy chastised, blushing. He'd seen the twitch in the man's mouth at the name of "Mama". "I told you to be polite."

"But I _am_ being polite," the girl pouted.

"No," Susumu said at last. "She's right. Jaciru, is it?" The child nodded. "I never did apologize for the way I treated you, and I am truly sorry."

Susumu bowed low, and Tai reached out. "Dad, come on. That can't be good for your back."

"Tai, sweetie, dinner is ready," Yuuko called softly. She put her hand on Nakayama's head, forgetting for a moment that he wasn't her little boy.

* * *

Dinner was a polite affair, even with Jaciru excitedly repeating all the things she'd heard at school. Izzy encouraged Nakayama to speak up, and Yuuko engaged herself in conversation with her quiet grandson. Susumu was silent, as was Tai, but it was encouraging to see the two even in the same room. There was no talk of unpleasantness, the fight or the accident, so the adults sat in tension while the children enjoyed themselves.

"Tai," Susumu spoke finally as Yuuko cleared the table. "Would you meet me on the porch? I need to say something..."

"Jaciru, Nakayama," Izzy started, smiling at his kids. "Why don't we help Grandmother in the kitchen?" Jaciru whined, but the stern look on her father's face corralled her into the small kitchen as the two men stepped outside.

Tai was hit with a sudden wave of nostalgia when his father closed the door behind them. This was the place where he'd first learned about Kari being the Eighth Child, where he had vowed to protect her from anything that would ever harm her. How could he have known back then that his greatest foe would be his own family...

"Tai..." his father said, the word dripping with heartache. "I can never say it enough, but I _am_ sorry."

"Dad, don't worry about it," Tai started but Susumu shook his head.

"No. There is no excuse for my behavior. I cast you out of my life over something so stupid as that nice young man in there. I never once gave you a hint of affection and yet you ran to me when I was in the hospital. I knew you had been injured, but I couldn't return the gesture even as a courtesy." He looked at Tai's cane. "How is it, anyway?"

Tai shrugged, as though it weren't bothering him to stand. "They're trying to wean me off the Vicodin, so I'm being an irritable asshole to everyone right now. But, it aches like hell in the winter and itches right before it rains." He reached down and pulled up his pant leg to reveal the crisscrossing scars and involuntarily twitching muscle. "Shattered my fibula, and my tibia had ripped through the skin right there."

"What happened...?"

Tai gave a twisted grin."I was going for the goal and I was tripped. He meant to just take me down, but I got trampled. I think they found a few bits of my shin after I was already in surgery." He laughed, a dark noise that revealed his true bitterness. "It's mostly plastic and pins wrapped up with wire in there. And God knows that if it hadn't been for Izzy and the kids telling me to get off my ass, they would have had to lop it off."

"Depression?" Susumu asked and Tai nodded slowly, guiltily. "I did the same thing after my heart attack. I stayed in bed all day, wondering what was so great about an old man cheating death for a few more years. Did I tell you they recently had to up my medication again?" Tai shook his head, ignoring the growing realization. His father nodded to himself, continuing, "It was your sister who really helped me out, though. She came by to visit almost every day, even when I came back home, bringing her kids and her husband by as much as she could. I kept telling her not to bother with someone like me, but she just kept coming.

"And I noticed something about her in that time. She's not _happy_ in her marriage."

Tai blinked, trying to remember all the times his sister had come by to visit, whenever she and Izzy hung out going their girl thing, all the phone calls to check in on them. "She doesn't seem miserable..."

"It's not misery," Susumu clarified. He took a breath that turned into a cough, trying to find the right words. "She's merely... content. Like she's where she's _supposed_ to be instead of where she wants to be."

"But that's been her whole life, Dad. Ever since she could talk, she asked what others wanted. Ever since she could walk, she went where she was told."

"And that's what made me realize something. She would never give up everything for that Takeru boy. She wouldn't let me cast her out - she would find a way to make everything work, no matter what."

"So I'm stubborn?" Tai laughed. "You've always known that, though."

"Not just stubborn." Susumu smiled, able to enjoy his son's voice one more time. "You managed to find something you would never give up. Something that meant _so much_ , it didn't matter what you had to give up because you'd already gained everything you wanted."

"Izzy..." Tai realized quietly.

"A whole _family."_ Susumu put his hand on Tai's shoulder and looked him in the eye with a seriousness Tai had never seen. "Taichi, you're my son, and despite everything that has happened, I love you. And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry for how I treated you."

Tai's cane clattered to the ground as he threw his arms around his father's shoulders, squeezing him just as tightly as Jaciru had ever hugged him.

* * *

August 2023:

Izzy was struggling with Jaciru, trying to keep her in her shirt when the phone rang. Tai looked over and made a face at it.

"Why do we even have a landline? The only people who call it are telemarketers and my dad."

"It's a good emergency line, in case our cells go out," Izzy replied as Jaciru squealed in defiance. "Now, will you _please_ answer it?"

Tai sighed, pulling himself from his chair. He grabbed his cane and slowly lumbered to the phone.

"Izumi residence, this is Tai."

Izzy huffed, putting his hand on his hips in irritation as his daughter wriggled, not wanting to wear what used to be her favorite shirt a week ago. He was about ready to just let Jaciru be naked, damnit, when the phone fell from Tai's hand and he collapsed.

"Tai?!" Izzy ran to his husband, kneeling next to him. "What happened?"

Tai had his hand over his mouth, trying to stifle his sobs. Tears were pouring down his cheeks, splashing on his knees."I-It's my dad, he... he died this morning."

Izzy pulled his husband into his arms, feeling him sag into them. He grabbed the phone off the floor, calling into it quietly, "Hello?"

"Izzy?" It was Kari. "I, I..." She was crying just as hard as Tai.

"Where are you, Kari?" He felt Jaciru tug lightly at his sleeve.

"Papa..." The young girl was scared. She'd never seen her father cry, not even when he'd been injured.

"I'm at the hospital with Mom. They said p-passed away in his sleep last night... Mom said... She said that his... funeral will be in a week. Can you make sure that Tai will be ok?"

"Of course, Kari. And, I'm sorry..."

* * *

Nakayama walked uneasily down the hallway for the second time, looking worriedly at his fathers who were slowly moving before him. He held Jaciru's hand, the young girl worried enough about her family to squeeze back. She hadn't even put up a fuss when Izzy had made her wear her Church dress and stockings, so worried about her father who'd had to be forced out of bed that morning.

"Be quiet and polite," Izzy had warned them. "This is your Papa's family, so they won't know you, but be respectful."

"Is Papa going to be ok?" Nakayama had asked. Both children were terrified that this was going to be a repeat of the last time.

Izzy had only brushed down his wild hair into something resembling manageable.

Tai knocked on the door like he had before, and once again his mother opened it with a sad look on her face. They were silent as Yuuko hugged her sons and their children.

"Kari and TK are already inside," she told them quietly. "And so are some of Susumu's friends."

Tai stepped inside, but Izzy was a bit more hesitant. The last time he'd truly interacted with TK had been at his own wedding, and even then he knew the blonde had only shown up as a favor to Kari. He was well aware of the young man's opinion of his relationship, as Jaciru was quick to parrot everything that was said around her even if she didn't understand the malicious words. What would he say to them here?

Kari was in the living room, talking to an older man, obviously someone Susumu knew from his job. She was dry-eyed and smiling politely, as though she were merely a hostess at some deranged party. Tai abandoned his husband without malice to join his sister, hugging her tightly, and getting squeezed breathlessly back. They instantly lost themselves in their own world, and Jaciru tugged at her father's sleeve.

"Mama, is Papa going to be ok?" The little redhead wasn't as easily deterred as her brother.

Izzy smiled reassuringly, patting her on the shoulder. "He'll be fine, Jaci. Look, your cousins are over there, why don't you go talk with them - _quietly._ "

Nakayama took his sister by the hand, pulling her over to Lucian and Kazuki who were milling around on the patio. He saw his uncle TK standing by, keeping an eye on his children and hesitated for a moment. He knew his uncle didn't like something about their family, but he just couldn't place why. Jaciru would ask until she was blue in the face, but all the blonde man would say was that their family was wrong. At least he had never tried to hurt them.

Jaciru noticed the pause and she stood next to her brother to shield him from her uncle's usual glare. TK blinked at the clear challenge in the eight year old's expression, and he fought back a frown, pretending like he hadn't noticed her.

Lucian watched his cousins walk onto the porch, trying to smile. He'd gotten along well with his grandfather, and it hurt that he was gone. Kazuki could talk until he dropped about Grandpa being in Heaven with God, but the brunette wished he'd been on Earth with them a little longer.

"Hi," Nakayama said softly. "Are you ok?"

The eleven year old shrugged. "I dunno. I miss Grandpa a lot."

"Did you know him?" Jaciru asked. "We saw him once – he used to make Papa sad all the time."

"He was always nice to us," Kazuki added. He looked quickly to his father to make sure he wasn't being disrespectful. "He said he loved us every time we saw him."

Jaciru and Nakayama looked between themselves. They couldn't remember if the man had said that to them or not the one time they'd seen him. Even now, while they were sad that their family was upset, they couldn't bring themselves to mourn a man they'd hardly known.

"D'ya wanna play?" Jaciru asked her cousins, feeling restless. "Mama let me bring a deck of cards – we could play Go Fish."

Lucian and Kazuki nodded. As sad as they were, being around a bunch of mopey adults that wouldn't talk to them was boring. They settled themselves in a corner of the porch, quietly beginning their game. TK watched his children interact with their cousins, unable to bring himself to be mad at two innocent children. They had no choice in who they were being raised by.

Izzy steeled his nerves with a deep breath, stepping out on the porch. For a moment, it seemed as though TK hadn't noticed him, and he was content to stand in silence.

"I'm sorry for your loss," the tall blonde mumbled after a moment.

"As am I for yours," Izzy responded, just as quietly. He didn't want to get into an argument, but he couldn't help himself when he said, "It must be harder on you. I heard you and Susumu got along well."

TK eyed Izzy suspiciously. There seemed to be no malice underlying the redhead's words, but he recalled his priest telling him over and over that all gays were liars and cheats. For a moment, he wrestled internally, trying to reconcile that thought with the memory of how kind and gentle Izzy had always been to him, and he found himself at a loss.

"We did," TK heard himself say. "He was a good man."

"I'm glad you were able to know each other," Izzy said with a gentle smile. He walked over to his children, struggling to keep themselves quiet, and told them, "Your Papa will be staying with his family for a few days to get everything straightened out, so I'll be taking you home soon. Say goodbye to your cousins for now."

TK watched his in-law walk back inside, saying something to Kari and Yuuko. Already the man's worldview he'd been building since he was twelve was beginning to crack, and he didn't like it.

* * *

September 2023:

Tai was walking much slower than normal, trying to find ground that wasn't too soft or cement that wasn't too cracked for his cane to rest on. Jaciru was swinging on Izzy's hand, pointing at each grave they passed.

"Did you know him?" she would ask. "Or her? Who are they?"

"Jaciru," Izzy warned, smiling apologetically to the people gathered around their ancestral tombs in observance of _Ohigan_. "Didn't I tell you to be polite?"

"I'm _always_ being polite," Jaciru pouted. "When do I get to stop?"

"When you're dead, sweetheart," Tai told her and she whined. "Don't worry, we're almost there, Bug."

"I see Auntie Kari," Nakayama announced, pointing across the graveyard. His long-haired aunt was waving at them, her two boys at her side.

"Let's hoof it," Tai laughed, words tinged with sadness. He didn't want to be here, to finally see it, but Izzy insisted that it would be good for him. And he was tired of not listening to Izzy.

"But Papa, you're the slowest one," Jaciru so helpfully pointed out with a smile that said she knew it.

"Just wait till I get you," Tai threatened playfully, shaking his cane at her. The girl giggled, tugging on Izzy's hand to make them go faster.

"I'm glad you finally made it," Kari said as the family of four approached. There were already flowers at the grave before her, a second smaller bouquet next to that.

"Sorry about that," Tai said sheepishly as Nakayama added their flowers to the grave marked "Susumu Kamiya". "The ground here really sucks for a crippled person."

"Papa almost fell five times," Jaciru announced. "I was counting."

"With how much _you_ study, I'm surprised you can count to five," Tai joked, tapping his daughter on the head with his cane.

"Don't blame me," Kari said, hugging Izzy and her brother. "I did the best I could as her Kindergarten teacher."

"Who is that one for?" Nakayama asked, pointing to the small bunch of daisies.

"It's for Miko," Lucian answered. "She's actually in a jar at home, but Mom said we could bring flowers here."

"It's an urn, not a jar," Kazuki argued and Lucian just stuck his tongue out at his brother.

"Stop fighting, you two," Kari said, not even looking at her kids. The words by now were more of a reaction than any kind of warning. "Now, pray the way I taught you."

The large group bowed their head and closed their eyes. For a moment, there was an almost tangible wave of sadness at the thought of a father that would never get to see his grandchildren grow. But then Jaciru cracked an eye open and grinned, calling out loudly, "Daimu! I see you!"

A few graves over, Davis was just placing his own bouquet at a memorial, his son turning at the sound of his name. Early morning sunlight glinted off the goggles secured in the young boy's hair and he waved back at the redhead.

"Hey, guys, what's up?" Davis asked as the group approached. "Who are you here for?"

"Miko," Lucian said and Kari pinched his cheek.

"We're here for my father," Tai answered and Davis nodded.

"I heard. I'm sorry, man."

"Thanks." Tai glanced at the gravemarker. "For Natsumi?"

"Yup." Davis put a hand on his son's shoulder, light reflecting off the gold band he still habitually wore, and a sad smile crossed his face. "Eleven years and it still doesn't get any easier."

Tai could remember the terror when he'd thought he'd lost Izzy, and could almost imagine the extent of Davis' pain. "She did it for you, dude. And Daimu."

Davis wiped his eyes, blinking through the mist building up in them. "I know, I know. I just miss her so much sometimes."

Kari placed a comforting hand on the man's shoulder, blushing warmly as he smiled at her. "You know I'm always here if you need to talk."

Davis took her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Thanks, Kari."

For a moment, Tai looked between his sister and his friend, wondering. He could hear his father's voice, _"She's not_ happy _in her marriage."_

But then Izzy tugged gently on his sleeve, reminding him, "We still need to visit my parents."

"Ah, that's right. C'mon kids, we have to go see the Chibas."

"Who's that?" Jaciru asked as she was ushered away from her friend.

"Remember what I told you?" Izzy said. "They were my birth parents. They died when I was much younger than you."

Jaciru shook her head. "No, I mean, who's _that_?"

Tai and Izzy looked as their daughter pointed. There stood a familiar tall man, a young boy close to his side. For all they could tell, they both shared the same dark hair, the same dark eyes, and even the same round glasses.

"Joe?" Tai asked as they neared him.

The man looked up, a sheepish smile on his face. The boy at his side looked at him and then at the approaching family, a flicker of fear dancing behind his glasses.

"Oh, hey guys. It's been a while, huh?" He put his hand on the child's head and smiled reassuringly. "These are my friends, Aiko. You can trust _them."_

The boy hesitated for a moment before bowing politely. "Hello, my name is Aiko Kido, who may I ask are you?"

Joe grimaced playfully. "You don't have to be _that_ polite..."

"Hi," Jaciru chirped. "My name is Jaciru, but everyone calls me Bug because Papa says that when I was born they had to remove my antennas. Wanna see?" Without waiting for his response, Jaciru lifted her bangs to reveal her infantile scars.

"I'm Nakayama, it's nice to meet you," the brunette said and Aiko smiled at him.

"Wait a minute," Tai mumbled. "Kido? What, is he your little brother or something?"

"No, no," Joe chuckled. "He's my son."

"Your son? I thought you were gay, like, your whole life?"

"I am," was all the man offered in explanation. "We're here to visit his mother." The grave behind him read Nana Terrano.

"I'm sorry," Izzy offered as condolence as Tai frowned in confusion. "What happened?"

He had expected illness or something to that effect as surely the woman had been young, but Aiko just stated with a simple shrug, "She was stabbed thirteen times. Detective Ichijouji said they found her in a love hotel, and they almost couldn't recognize her because of how long she'd been dead."

"Ah, Aiko, I don't think he meant for that much information," Joe said, trying to wave away the sudden awkwardness. "All you have to say when someone asks that is that she was in an accident."

Aiko pouted, "Detective Ichijouji said it was on purpose."

"Well, then, I'm going to have to talk to Ken and tell him what's appropriate for you to know." Joe responded with a glare in the general direction of the Koto police station. Then he blinked, remembering his friends were still there. "Ah, it was nice catching you guys again. We should meet up more often, shouldn't we?"

"How about in a few days?" Tai offered. "There's a bar not too far down the street. We can call a sitter and all meet up there, the whole gang, just like we used to."

"That would be nice." Joe smiled. Suddenly, the pager at his waist started peeping. "Ah, that's the hospital, a specialty case came in and I'll need to go to surgery soon. Come along Aiko, I'm sure we'll see the Izumis again."

"Have a good day, Messrs. Izumi, Bug, Nakayama," Aiko said with another formal bow. His father ruffled his hair and the family heard him chastise as they walked away, "Seriously, Nana raised you _too_ well."

"Joe's weird," Tai stated with a laugh as soon as he was out of hearing range.

"He seems the same as he always is," Izzy said. "Just with a child."

"Weird-o." The brunette smiled as he looked at his family. He grabbed his kids as best he could with one arm and squeezed them tight. "I'm glad we're all still together."

Izzy kissed his husband on the cheek as Jaciru made a face at all the mushy affection surrounding her. "We'll always be together. And we'll always be here for each other."


End file.
